"It’s ironic that women are superficial enough to think that men are that superficial."

The only thing even mildly amusing about the XFL was the observation I made over how much bigger (and more artificial) Vegas cheerleaders’ tits were than their fellow cheerleaders in Orlando.  I figured this was because Vegas has a ton of showgirls, and most of the showgirls have had fake crap injected into their breasts to make themselves look A.) attractive to men and B.) even more insecure about their bodies than they already appeared.

As a fan of humongous hooters, I feel a bit hypocritical even talking about how foolish implants are, but, to be honest, I was more turned on by the women in Orlando, who actually had REAL tits, than I was over the surgically altered "flesh bags of mystery" on display in Vegas.  Sure, a guy may prefer big tits, or small tits, or a perfect “handful,” but that doesn’t mean he would want the tits he happened to be eyeing to be surgically altered to his specifications.  It’s ironic that women are superficial enough to think that men are that superficial.  As I mentioned above, I love gigantic knockers, but, what turns me on the most is a sexy oriental woman.  Oriental women are known for anything BUT their gigantic breasts.  Most of them are fairly flat.  Yet, they drive me out of my skin.  I was probably the only one with a perpetual hard-on throughout Crouching Tiger, Hidden DragonThe first girl I dated was Chinese, and she was so beautiful it nearly makes me cry to think of her now, 12 years later.  And yes, her "knockers" basically consisted of two pancake sized saucers and a pair of nipples.  Women claim that they get breast implants because a lot of men, such as myself, like big boobies.  At the same time, the majority of women admit that they wouldn't want to date a guy who would break up with them over their bra size.  So, who are these women really trying to impress?  And, if it is men, it makes me wonder if women would also alter their entire body, changing their height, breast size, and skin coloring to please all the men who are attracted to one race of female over the other?  G-Zuz Krispy Kreme, maybe women really are still slaves to the man.  Or, maybe women just know they can be more efficient slave-drivers if they have what we want under their form-fitting clothing.  How depressing.  What ever happened to the whole "it's what's inside that counts" theory?

Am I saying that it’s what's inside, that it's your personality that counts?  Damn right I am.  Personality really does, at least in my mind, come above tits, ass and the tint of your skin.  The woman I loved more than anyone was a malnourished looking thing with a flat chest and wild hair.  The girlfriend that I loved second most (ranking girlfriends is a horrible thing, and that’s why I’m not naming names) was a big tub-o-lard with gigantic tits and a pissy attitude.  NEITHER of these women lived up to my idealized version of the “perfect” girlfriend, but, in their own way, each of them was perfect.  One of them made me laugh hysterically, and the other comforted me, and convinced me that, to be an artist, I didn’t have to be continually miserable, and alone.  Frankly, I didn’t give a flying nun’s habit what sized bra either of them wore.  It was a “fringe-benefit” having the oversized blob with swinging jugs, but I actually had better sex with the flat chick that didn’t eat enough, and seemed to survive without a comb. Yes, I did occasionally worry that if I grabbed on too hard during sex, she'd break in two, but these are occupational hazards.

Yet, according to what “they” ("they" being every slut-ass woman's magazine out there) want you to believe, my idea of "perfection" would have been the skinny Chinese girl that I first dated with the boobs of the chick with the excess pounds.  What they never take into account is that guys, at least not the guys I know, do NOT mix-and-match body parts in their head to come up with the perfect girl.  I didn't date the fat chick because she had hot cantaloupes, I dated her because of how good she made me feel when she laughed along with me during the funny part of a movie, or held my hand when things got sad.  I didn't date the malnourished looking thing with the flat chest because of her messy hair (which, oddly enough, turned me on), I dated her because she could make me feel like a god whenever I heard her erotic moans when I touched her in just the right spot.  The heavier she breathed, the harder I got.  I had no “idealized” woman in mind. I never once thought, "I wish she had bigger tits."  I had the woman that I was with with me, and that was more than enough.  I loved her, and I thought that “forever” would really mean “forever” that time.  Of course, it didn’t (this is my life we're talking about here), but that’s a whole ‘nother issue.  I loved these women because of the women they were.  I didn’t love them because they were Chinese, or had big tits, or wild hair.  I loved them because they were women, and, fuck if I hate to admit this, women are damn loveable, until they do something to prove that they’re wolves dressed up in innocent smiles and compassionate hugs.

I believe in the “there’s someone out there for everyone” argument, I just think that only about 5% of us find that “someone.”  Women, I will tell you right now that distorting your body with bullshit implants, or freakish diets, is NOT going to improve that number.  Those XFL TV sluts in Vegas may turn on some guy that loves gargantuan ta-ta's, but what would those women get, if they actually got that guy?  They’d get a guy who loves them for what they’re NOT.  Is that what women want?  I don’t think so.  I also think that the flat XFL “cheerleaders” in Orlando prove that guys basically want any woman alive...SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WOMEN TRYING TO PROVE?  If you have a cunt, we’ll fuck ya.  It's in a guy’s nature.   I don’t think it’s MEN you’re trying to impress, I think it’s women you’re trying to depress, by winning this weird “woman better than other woman” competition you vagina people play. 

I think this sick competition one vagina has with the other is what fucks up so many relationships.  Guys don’t get it, and they really shouldn’t, being that you females are only playing with yourselves (no pun intended).  You are so determined to have the best ass, biggest tits and/or tightest pussy, that you forget that what 99.997% of all males care about is your BRAIN.  I swear to you, as much as your cunts will try and hide this fact, that PERSONALITY is the #1 thing a guy picks a girl for.  I have male redneck friends, male “regular” (they poop a lot) friends, male punk rock friends, male headbanger friends, male country friends, and male disco friends, and the ONLY thing they care about is PERSONALITY.  I know it’s hard to believe, because that deceptive pussy of yours is telling you otherwise, trying to convince you that if you don’t lose weight and get surgery, you’re nothing to us penis-enhanced humans.  Men, as idiotic and sexist as we appear to you women, care more about personality than anything else. 

I know a lot of you are going to refute these comments, a lot of you always do.  It doesn’t matter to me.  I’m not getting paid to write this update, and I sure as hell am not getting laid for writing it (although that would be a nice fringe benefit); therefore I have no outside interests, and nothing to type, outside of what is straight from my heart.  I can tell you, with no degree of uncertainty that the majority of men judge a woman by the woman she is on the inside, not the fleshy pile of cleavage she has hanging out of her dress.  Men judge a woman on how much they LOVE her.  

Women, you know who you are.  If you’re loveable, you will be loved in return.  If you aren’t worth a shit, you’ll get a good job “cheerleading” in Vegas for the “XFL,” and some rich guy in love with artificial blobs of fat (and "Fruity Pebbles," or whatever the hell they fill your "funbags" up with) will “love” ya.  I know that I will personally take the woman who backed out of the cosmetic crap, get to know her, and then fuck her, when she's dripping wet and ready for my glistening cock to enter her love canal.  Are you that lady?  I didn’t think so.  You're just another one that wants the implants and the diet pills.  Maybe a few bottles of slim fast will do the trick.

It isn’t males holding females down, it is females holding every damn one of us down.  Want proof?  How many MEN compliment the numerous shoes you buy each year to look “neat?”  About 1 (and he’s gay)?  How many women?  About 10 or 20?  That’s what I thought. 

As long as you wanna-be lesbians keep trying to impress yourselves, you’re going to lose every real guy to some freak with a shoe fetish. You'll go through boyfriend after boyfriend, wondering why you never really feel loved, even though the guy that you're with claims that he loves you.  How can he love you?  He doesn't even know who you are.  He knows your augmented breasts, cosmetically altered face and revealing clothing you wouldn't be caught dead in in front of anyone that you wanted actual respect from.  In a woman's constant quest for perfection she lives a life of total rejection. 

It's time to search for what you're looking for, and turn yourself into the woman that you want to have found.  If not, you'll be lost the rest of your life, and stuck with somebody in love with a loser.

-Alex Sandell (win me over with your personality, and I could care less what you fucking look like, as long as you are YOU)

Email Alex

I added some REAL women, implant free, and proud of who they are, to this update.  If you'd like to become one of them, get in touch with me and I'll send you some VERY simple directions.

©2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  Copy this, without my permission, and I'll rip out your implants and feed them to my dogs. 

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