Juicy gets Juicy III:
The "Real Woman" Edition
Written by:  Alex Sandell

Immediately after uploading the Juicy gets Juicy II:  The Drinking Years update, I received a cyber tongue-lashing from a peeved female fan named Carrie.  It read:  "All the way back to Super Juicy Topless Girl, the women in your updates have always been scrawny little things with teeny to medium sized tits and even smaller hearts behind them.  I was thinking about sending in a few pictures of myself but I am a REAL woman with a REAL dress size and REALITY doesn't seem to be active at The Juicy Cerebellum when it comes to women.  It's sad for me to see this because I REALLY thought that you were somebody REAL.  Someone that wouldn't judge a woman on appearance but rather on brains.  Now I see that outside of your excellent writing abilities you are the same as all the other guys.  You want a firm stomach and no weight on a woman.   You want an anorexic.  This being the case there is no reason for me to send in my pictures because you will simply put them in your 'ugly' bin and wait for the next bony 19 year old with a firm stomach to send in some pictures that most of you small-minded men will get off on.  There are REAL women out there, Mr. Sandell, with REAL bodies and until you stop rejecting us you are as FAKE as they come!  Love, Carrie"

Ironically enough, the day before that little bitch-fest was spit out at me courtesy of my modem, I received 9 pictures from a Juicy Cerebellum fan that Carrie would definitely consider a "real" woman.  This "real" woman was the FIRST overweight woman to send her pictures in for one of these updates.  I can't go up to every random fat chick that I see and ask them to strip naked and write "Juicy Cerebellum" on their bouncy breasts, just to add "realism," or balance, to my page.  If you want this "realism" and balance, send in your pictures, instead of a misinformed email accusing me of being "FAKE".  As webmaster (damn that's a nerdy word) of this page, all I can do is guarantee that I do NOT judge women by the number that pops up when they step on a scale, and that ALL women (over 18, of course) that send in photos that they want on The Juicy Cerebellum, WILL have their photos put on The Juicy Cerebellum, regardless of age, weight, race, shoe-size, or hairstyle.  So, it is you, Carrie, that does the judging.  I don't think you, or anyone else, can determine how "real" a person is by how chubby they are.  Is there a system to this?  Does a person become 5% more "real" for every 3 pounds that they gain?  At what weight is someone 100% "real?"  300 pounds?  500?  Grand Piano?  And, being that you mention these women having "teeny" breasts and "even smaller hearts," I take it you have to reach a certain bra-size before becoming "real."  Do you suggest implants for those women who were born with breasts that aren't pouring out of their triple-D cups?  Wipe the blood off of your plus size prom dress and get a clue, Carrie.  I am just as happy to place the pictures below, of an overweight woman, online, as I was to place the "skinny" girls up.  If you ran a website, and were posting pictures, could you say the same thing?  I am guessing it is YOU who would block certain ladies from gracing your page, for not being "REAL" enough.  We're all in this together, and, to paraphrase the Descendents, "we'll all get old and have a wrinkled ass."  Now, let me show you someone who didn't let the weight differences between herself and the women that came before her stand in the way of her being "proud" to have her pictures on The Juicy Cerebellum.  After you've seen them, I suppose you can just go back to writing all of those bigots that cause the real "weight debate" and body consciousness in the first place; feminists.

Now, for the pictures.  They're from a girl I think I'll call "Reality Check.":


In beautiful red we have written "THE JUICY CEREBELLUM ROCKS MY WORLD".  Due to Reality's gargantuan breasts, we can't see some of the writing, but there's more below.  

Mmm . . . I LOVE it when a woman can lick her own nipple.  It makes my job 50% easier, and twice as rewarding.  Looking at how the word "ROCKS" sort of smeared under the sweat of her own breasts kind of turns me on.  Nipple licking, smeared body paint, and sweat; what a pic.

And here's the whole enchilada.  "Real" enough for you, Carrie?  Let me type the little note I received with these photos:  "I sure have a belly, but I'll still be proud."  You could learn a thing or two from that.

I'd like to thank "Reality Check" for her wonderful pictures.  I'd also like to tell her publicly how much I appreciated the gifts she sent me.  Two brand new pairs of Converse All-Stars, two Babe:  Pig in the City (one of the fifty best movies ever made) stuffed animals, two Babe:  Pig in the City books, a Babe:  Pig in the City yo-yo and a ton of Star Wars' Pez Dispensers.  Wow!  It was like Christmas in July.  Actually, I don't even get that much stuff for Christmas.  And I really needed those shoes.  The five-year-old pair of Converse All-Stars that I was wearing had become so ragged, people were kicking me out of stores for coming in with bare feet (I guess the red scraps and faded blue star weren't showing up).  Stay proud, Reality Check!  Stay Juicy!  Hiding from society because of the standards it sets is a loser's game, and I think it's a game that Carrie's already won!  Hopefully you'll inspire women of all shapes and sizes to fly the boob banner high, all in the name of The Juicy Cerebellum, and proving people like Carrie are way the fuck WRONG! 

ARE YOU FEMALE?  Are you creative?  Adventurous?  Are you over 21 years old and unashamed of your body?  Well then, get out a marker, and ready the camera!  If you love life JUICY, don't just say it, bare it!  Send in your photos!

2000 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  No parts of this page may be reproduced without express permission given by the author.  No one may reproduce with the lady above without express permission from her vagina.

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