*Note: READ this update, don't just LOOK at it. ThanXXX.*
Juicy gets Juicy VI:
Saved by the Enemy
Written by: Alex Sandell
As all of you know (or at least all of you who know stuff), The Juicy Cerebellum officially went on strike on September 17th, 2000 AD. If you don't know why, and you want to, please click here. I would like to tell all you nay Sayers out there, that this was NEVER an excuse to take the page down because I "ran out of ideas," or, "wanted to end the page to get rich writing for corporations" (two things I've been accused of by paranoid fans who didn't "approve" of my striking). I didn't even put the page on strike to get pictures of tits. We all know that there are thousands of those available at every lowbrow gas-station across North America. I went on strike for ONE reason; I AM sick of, and I HAVE been sick of people promising me things, for NO reason, only to break their promises. When people promised contributions, it was bad enough, but pictures of a reader's boobies was the last straw. Why? Is it because I love female knockers? No. I DO love a nice pair of hooters, as any god-fearing heterosexual male should, but that wasn't why the absence of mammary glands donated to my page were the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. It was because a pair of melons were a FREE contribution (unless you count the cost of film, which is paid back with the free shirt I send out to anyone that takes the photos, if they request it), and there was NO reason that 9 separate women would PROMISE to send in their photos, only to lie about it. I mean, making a promise that costs you something, and breaking it, such as the cash contributions I've been promised hundreds of times; we all do that. I promised George magazine that I would pay them $19.00 for a one-year-subscription to their increasingly conservative rag, but haven't sent them the money. Now they have a collection agency after my dirt-poor ass. When the guy called me telling me that he was going to be forced to send me to "collections" due to my not paying I told him to, "join the club." Sure, it's a little different, when you're dealing with a multi-million dollar company, but I get the point. Money is valuable and we all need to buy things to insert in our rectums. This anal temptation caused numerous people to brake their promises of sending me dollars. It sucked, but life went on (sort of). BUT (since we're on the topic), I would NEVER promise to send George magazine photos of my throbbing, erect, ready to spew out the white goo that makes mutants, and other types of humans, unless I was going to send in the photos that I promised to send. So, I reluctantly said that I was not updating until SOMEONE sent in SOMETHING, and finally, today, SOMEONE did. No, she wasn't any of the 9 people that had previously promised me, and inspired the strike; only 2 of them even responded to my refusal to update. One of then said she sent the pictures, but I have yet to receive them, and the other keeps making up numerous excuses about her friend's girlfriend finding out and saying he can't take the pictures of her, and other such things. After days of doubting, I get an email titled "Proof that some people can keep a promise." The email contains three photos of BARE-NAKED breasts! Yes, nude! I look at the name of the person that sent them and realize that she is from SWEDEN! If you missed that, I'll say it again: she is from SWEDEN! The enemy country. The home of my vile ex. The home of the woman that hurt me more than any other. The place that I have previously talked about bombing. When these pictures came, they caused me to realize, for the millionth time, that even I can be wrong when I'm judging an entire country on only one person. At this point, I'm sure all of you are waiting for me to shut the fuck up, so you can see the pictures. Well, here they are:
In this picture the Swedish girl, who I'll call "The Swedish Girl" is trying to cover up her beautiful breasts. She teases us, slightly, by revealing a bit of her magnificent, and if I dare say so, "erect," nipples, but we want MORE (just like Sweden praying for a little sunlight during winter), and she will provide, if our computer is fast enough, and the next picture has downloaded.
When these fine breasts first appeared in my email-box, I was more excited to see a pair of boobs than I ever have been before (and that's saying something). These breasts were more special than the ones I saw in my mom's Maternity Nursing book (written by Fitzpatrick, Eastman and Reeder) when I was 10 years old, and first realized that my balls were there for more than just decoration. these breasts were more special than all of those big, saggy things in National Geographic that I snuck a peek at in the school library when the teacher wasn't looking. These breasts were even more important than the ones I saw when Ann ripped off her shirt and said, "go ahead, suck on them," when I was 17 years old and realizing that I wasn't going to be a virgin the rest of my life. (Well, maybe they weren't more important than the "Ann" thing.)
The small heart she drew between her nice sized, and fairly firm, knockers could mean only one thing: that she was confirming my suspicions that a Swedish woman has a small heart. Oh, wait . . . I guess it could also mean that her boobs love The Juicy Cerebellum. It could actually mean dozens of things, but I have an ex in that country that fucked me over worse than any other female ever has (and that's ALSO saying something), and I'm gonna stick with the "Swedes have small hearts" theme. Although, it was a Swede that ended the strike. Oh, gosh, I'm so conflicted.
Damn Foreigners making me all conflicted and horny.
ARE YOU FEMALE? Are you creative? Adventurous? Are you over 21 years old and unashamed of your body? Well then, get out a marker, and ready the camera! If you love life JUICY, don't just say it, bare it! Send in your photos!
©2000 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. No parts of this page may be reproduced without express permission given by the author. No one may reproduce with the lady above without express permission from her vagina.
Go see the first girl who made Juicy get Juicy!
Go see the second girl who made Juicy get Juicy!
Go see the third girl who made Juicy get Juicy!
Go see the fourth girl who made Juicy get Juicy!
Go see the fifth girl who made Juicy get Juicy!
Back to The Juicy Cerebellum!
©2000 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]