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Alex Sandell For President Presents,
In Association with Nike, Microsoft, Adidas, and Pringles,

A Juicy Town Meeting

Since I am running for President, I need to pay more attention to my potential voters; so, from now on, every Juicy update is going to be followed by an update featuring YOUR comments, complaints, questions, suggestions and other stuff I can't think of right now because the earphones I'm wearing are making my toes sore.   In essence, The Juicy Cerebellum is no longer MY page, but a page for anyone who has something to say.  Here are the emails I received in regards to my last update,  Alex Sandell for President Presents:  Gore Goes Juicy: The Juicy Cerebellum Takes on Campaign 2000!  Any response I may have to them will be in italics, because I'm the one running for President, and I've EARNED these italics, damnit!  ("Damnit" is really two words.)  

Dear Future President-
Well, you state multiple times that anyone who isn't of the rich section of the population should not vote Republican.  I agree.  Then you say that you're not voting Democratic.  What's the deal?  I'm curious if you're planning on supporting one of the other special interest parties, or if you're just planning on abstaining from voting altogether.  I still haven't
made up my mind, because, to tell you the truth... Tipper Gore scares the hell out of me.  If she's still the censorship mama she was before, then I think this country would be in for a shock.  So, I guess I'll just keep my eyes open and see what's up with the other parties.
-Steven Schroeder

I should have stated that anyone who isn't both self-centered and rich should not vote Republican.  It's not like ALL wealthy folk have to prove they got that way through perverse levels of greed.  Some of the upper-class may have actually saved their hearts when they sold their souls for the almighty dollar, and might want to vote for more than just their IMMEDIATE self-interest.  They might think about the world around them, the minority groups who are still being trampled on, the environment that is being destroyed, the humans struggling from paycheck to paycheck, the uninsured, the sick and the dying.  Tipper Gore scares the hell out of EVERYONE that was ever a teenager listening to rock music.  The PMRC was a group of housewives gone very, very bad.  Forever we have them to thank for the rotten "Tipper Stickers" permanently burned onto the cover of our favorite CDs, record albums and cassettes.  Yet, I don't think Tipper is the person that we have to worry about, in regards to censorship, when it comes to the Gore/Lieberman ticket.  It is Lieberman.  He makes Tipper's attempts at "parental guidance" look like 2 Live Crew's.  

Dear Future President-
you said in your update you
're not voting for gore, then who are you voting for? not bush i hope? what about ralph nader? i heard in the 70s a dog ran for president... i woulda voted for him.

I have been deciding between Ralph Nader and David McReynolds.  I voted for Nader in '96, and was leaning his way again, up until about a week ago, when I heard a speech by McReynolds, and decided he is definitely the better man for the job.  Nader is a great choice, but McReynolds is an even better one.  He vehemently opposes the death penalty, wants to raise taxes on the mega-rich (multi-millionaire types, not you $150,000-a-year folk that play rich in front of your friends) so he can eliminate taxes on the super-poor, he valiantly defends civil liberties, wants to refine the military and avoid "rich men's wars" that always turn out to be "a poor man's fight," he is for legalizing marijuana, and wants to have doctors administer hard drugs such as heroin to addicts, rather than have the addicts kill themselves getting it from dealers, just to name a few.  As for the dog?  He's running again under the name of George W. Bush.  He's not as intelligent as he was in the seventies, but still spends an equal amount of time down on all fours.

Dear Future President-
I Liked most of your Gore critique, though I would have liked one of Bush's ridiculous one as well.

I didn't have time to write one, at the time Bush gave it, but if enough people are interested, I'm sure I could type something up and put it online.  

Dear Future President-
I am not American, I'm from Canada (you know the big cold place up north with crappy movies), and I only know what my best friend in the world (TV) tells me about American politics.  OK, a crash course in what I've learned. Both Al Gore and George W. Bush are apparently THE most boring people in the U.S of A. Al Gore has a chance of becoming President on the soul fact that he was Vice President under (figuratively) Clinton. George W. Bush I have absolutely no knowledge of at all, so the only thing I have to say about him is, think of the little kids in 20 years, they'll be reading through their American history books studying the presidential history, "Alex Sandell is president now, and in the year 2000 it was George Bush . . . . . .  or was that back in 93? I'm all confused!" Now do we need to do that to tomorrow's youth? I think they're gonna have enough problems as is, so why not elect a president you don't have to remember, elect Al Gore.

Okay, fine, this guy is funny.  I still had to correct his spelling.  Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Dear Future President-
was the open mouthed kiss really needed at the end? at least it wasn't with his daughters, because that's normal in tennessee.

Okay, fine, this guy is funny, too.  I still was the one that knew the "open mouthed kiss" was at the beginning of the speech, not at the end. 

Dear Future President-
Great piece about Gore's speech.  This whole "Lieberman" thing caused me to stop considering holding my nose and voting Gore with regards to keeping Bush out and start contemplating alternatives.  I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet, but I think a few votes cast in the Ralph Nader direction might scare the Democrats back into truly being "the lesser evil" four years from now. 

The other reason a vote for McReynolds is better than a vote for Nader is because McReynolds never had an encouraging blurb on the cover of a book written by an author that supports a tyrannical group like MAPS, and isn't a member of The Green Party, who uses MAPS in its Internet dealings.  I also hope that the Democrats go back to being the real lesser of two evils.  Hopefully there will be a day when we don't need to vote for the "lesser of two evils," but rather, "the greater of two goods."

Dear Future President-
in regards to "al gore's DNC speech"--absolutely one of the best political pieces you've ever done.  i commend you for taking an honest look at the issues presented instead of making biased opinions.  i think al gore is definitely the lesser of the two evils, but i wish that the majority of americans who feel the same reluctance towards al gore would open their eyes and realize that there is more out there than the fucked over two party system that so many people think is required.  (RALPH NADER for prez!!!!) i'm so sick of hearing excuses from people "yeah, i agree with nader, but i
know he's not gonna win, and i don't want to throw my vote away".  DAMN THOSE IGNORANT FOOLS.  how in the hell could voting for the candidate that you agree with most be "throwing a vote away"???  america's got the power to change, but are we just too scared to??   gargantuan thank you for just agreeing with me.

I don't know what people's problems with voting for a third party is.  The people that irritate me even more are the ones who DON'T vote.  Imagine what would happen if the 50-70% of people voting age that sit on their useless asses watching reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard would get up and vote for one of these third-party candidates instead of burping out some inane comment like, "why vote?  Both parties are the same, anyway."  A third-party could win.  It's happened before (see Ventura, Jesse).  Yes, "both" parties may be similar, but it isn't "both," it's ALL and not ALL the parties are even close to the same.  LEARN ABOUT THE CANDIDATES AND GET OUT AND VOTE!  (Unless you're going to vote for Bush.  Then just stay home and watch a little more of them good ol' Duke boys.)  Oh, and you're welcome; I'll try and remember to agree with you as often as possible.

Dear Future President-
First off, let me just say that you did a fantastic job in your analysis of Al Gore's speech.  I was impressed as always
by your conciseness, perceptiveness, and analytical saw right past the bullshit and read clearly between
the lines every single time.  I also agree with you on your feelings about Lieberman...the guy was clearly picked to
try and suck away the Republican vote.  On the subject of politics, I honestly think that my vote will go to Gore.  Here's why. George W. Bush is a god damned psychopath.  Whenever I see him open his mouth, I break into a cold sweat.
The thought of him in public office of any sort scares me to the core of my existence, and the office of President
especially.  Not only do his views on most issues scare me, but the example he has made as Governor, and the position he will be put in if he gets elected to a second term...won't he be able to appoint a few right-wing psychotic Supreme Court justices?  Not only would he be able to screw the country and the world over for 8 years, but you'd be able to screw the country and the world over for 28, 38, or more years.  I cannot abide by that idea. If you thought Clinton was bad about abusing the military...

Anyways, that's my bit.  Sure, the Lieberman censorship idea is stupid and scary, but I don't think he'll manage to
get it passed.  Don't you just love the way he thinks he knows whets best for the American people, though?  People
like that piss me off.  But at least he won't start WWIII with China.

The whole "Supreme Court Justice" thing is being used by both parties to scare people such as yourself away from voting for a candidate you really believe in, such as Nader or McReynolds.  The Supreme Court's opinion generally changes along with the public's.  The way that they think is important, but there is no controlling what they are thinking.  Some of the most conservative presidents have appointed liberal Supreme Court Justices, and some of the most liberal have appointed conservatives.  Finally, we have no way of knowing if there will even be a Justice to be appointed in the next 4, or 8, years.  Sure, we hear 1 or 2 of them are thinking of retiring, and a few of them are getting WAY up there in age, but we hear a lot of things, and these people seem to live forever.  You're not voting for a Supreme Court Justice, you're voting for a President, pick the one that is best for you, not the one that you think will do the best picking.

Dear Future President-
I am impressed with your journalistic acumen and your ability to give a damn about what most americans can't even get excited to vote for. Politics and big money are hand in hand and it will always be that way. We saw Newt and Bill shake hands in NH years ago and you hear Al say what will be his 1st priority when elected, but in reality it is the same thing that killed JFK and it will never go away. MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL AND ALSO THE ROUTE OF OUR FUTURE!  Dems and Republicans alike claim they want it right for the USA but then lobbying hits them and we are all toast. I am independent, but moderate. If Bill was a leader he would be leading Al to 1600 Pennsylvania but he  only leads himself. If Bush was honest he would admit his human frailties. Who cares if he played 25 years ago!  and with
what!  and with whom! Get over it!  your mind is crystal clear. I am a fan of the truth as it will set us on our way...

Admit to his frailties?  George Bush is a frailty.  I could care less what he did 25 years ago (I'm assuming you're talking about the cocaine thing).  It's what he does now that freaks me out.

Dear Future President-
there is absolutely no way you could support abortion once you knew all the facts about it, unless you were a fucking idiot or just heartless. i agree with you on everything else though.

I never said that I supported abortion.  I also don't think you would have to be heartless, or an idiot, to support it.  I think you'd have to be heartless, or an idiot, to have one, maybe, but even then there are exceptions.  Abortion is one of the few things I don't have a firm opinion on, one way or the other.  I just know that I don't think a woman has a right to "choose" unless that same right is given to the man.  The two need to choose TOGETHER.  It's not a "woman's right," it's a "couple's right," because it takes two to make a baby.  Then again, is it anyone's right?  I hate this abortion topic.  I'll let somebody else fight this one.  Any volunteers? 

Dear Future President-
i liked the update.. political speeches are such a fucking joke. they're written by aides and george stepanapolis clones or some other such moron.. and like you point out..are endlessly edited leaving out things like certain countries we have issues with. lieberman is a republican jerk. we've got some scary people backing gore up: lieberman not to mention tipper (what kind of name is that)! tipper: that evil wench who put parental advisory stickers all over your favorite cds..and also thru the pmrc tried to destroy rock n roll. the thing you left out of the update (and the highlight for me) was the passionate kiss pre speech that was hilariously staged. it screamed: "look at me i'm not like no no i love my wife..we have healthy sexual relations! HAHA i'm not as stiff as you think!". as i see it everyone who reads this page should get out to the polls and vote for nader. and i think we will

I hope everyone who reads this page just gets out and votes.  Yes, it would be great if they voted for Nader or McReynolds, but getting them in the voting booth is what really matters.  This Democracy has become apathetic, and if the people don't let their voices be heard, the corporations will be sure to silence them.  

Dear Future President-
I really enjoyed that Al Gore commentary thing.  I haven't paid much attention to the election this year, simply because I don't watch tv.  That was a good opening to the campaign year, I think.  I don't want Gore to win, or Bush.  I consider myself a democrat, i guess...i really have no idea.  i like that other guy..Ralph Nader (loved that Class War update, also.)  I don't know.  I'll start watching when the debates start to happen, but I really don't like the candidates.  I say "Slick Willy" For a third term!!

Does anyone like Al Gore or George W. Bush?  I'll give you a moment to speak out if you do . . . . . . 

That's what I thought.

Dear Future President-
i'm a republican, for good reason:  my dad is.  how's that?  you communistic Democrats can go to hell.  who wants a habitual liar for president?  oh well, he can't be much worse than Clinton.  Moving on, I think The Jubilant Cerebellum sucks donkey cock, and I don't understand why you wasted time making it.  I was deeply touched by your "Jamie" update. (What am I saying?  No I wasn't.)  I do enjoy the juicy cerebellum, however.  I love Spam because everyone else hates it, and I want to be different.  (It's a teenage type thing)  I was greatly outraged at your review of "End of Days" until I saw your little disclaimer:  You'll hate it unless you're a 15-year-old male.  Which I happen to be.  Keep the updates coming or else....  ummm...  I will be bored as hell?  Fuck a duck.  You never reply to these, do you?
-Testosterone Factory

I'm not a Democrat.  I'm not a Communist.  I don't believe in Hell.  Yes, you are right, being a Republican because your dad is is a good reason!  Is that also why you're an insensitive little prick?  Now you have me thinking of all we would have accomplished if we would have all been just like our dads!  We wouldn't of had to ever learn anything new, and we'd all be fucking our mothers and creating more inbred children such as yourself.  Your keen insight is amazing.  Oh, and that "fuck a duck" line was  a classic.  Did you just come up with that?  No, I never reply to these; you're only imagining this.  

Dear Future President-
I liked your gore thingy, but most of it was hardly as offensive as you suggested in the title.  I think you should do an analysis of the lieberman and gore's daughters speech.  (the daughter speech wasn't very long but it was kinda funny 'my daddy is such a good guy, vote for him.')  If you heard the lebsters speech, I thought he sounded really stupid at the end when he said something along the lines of 'gore represents all the children of the world' or some shit.  It sounds good at first, but it doesn't make any sense.  Like one of those no-joke jokes i saw in MAD. 

I had a joke about fucking Gore's daughters but then I thought I better hold off on it because I wouldn't want Gore to know that I want to fuck his daughters. 

Dear Future President-
Hi, I'm just curious - are you going to vote in the presidential election, and if so, who are you going to vote for?  All I know for sure right now is that the thought of George W. Bush being our president terrifies me. 

"George W. Bush being our president terrifies me."  Nice note to leave on.  Let the thought linger.

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