Think a Minute Here . . .
Written by: Alex Sandell
Instead of printing
"last date of sale printed on back of package", why
don't they just put the "last date" on the front and
save the ink? . . . Is "breast chunks" really the best
title "Tyson Chicken" could come up with? . . . I bet
if I could travel back in time to the year 1943 and tell my
grandpa that the letter he is writing to his parents will be read
by thousands of people 56 years later, through a phoneline, on a
thing called "the world wide web", all due to his
grandson, he'd get a vasectomy. . . . I can't believe "Toys
R Us" won't sell the "bloody" versions of the
Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Eve and Patrick dolls. I knew
Wal-Mart wouldn't, but Toys R Us??? I think from now on
I want to be a "Kay Bee Toys" kid! Sorry, "Toys R
Us", I've converted. . . . Even "Tyson Meaty
Breast" would have been better. . . . I wonder if you have
to get all the eggs from that crazy blue fucker and every
diamond to reach the bonus levels in "Spyro", or if you
just need to get all the diamonds? . . . I remember when my mom
told my brother and I that grapes are what make people drunk when
they drink wine. We then proceeded to eat an entire jar of grape
jelly, each. I haven't been the same since. . . . "Tyson's
Tits" sounds pretty appetizing. Mmm . . . tits. . . . Why is
it that if a man catches his girlfriend cheating on him with a
friend, 99.999% of the time he'll stop being friends with the
man, but will continue seeing the woman? Didn't she do the same
thing as the man he despises so much? Being that she was dating
him and he put all his trust into her, wasn't what she was doing
worse than the friend? At least the guy wasn't cheating. All's
fair in loving whores, or something. . . . Speaking of whores, I
sure could use some of them "Tyson's Tits"! . . . Why
do rich people always want to fly around the world in balloons?
Where the hell do they go to the bathroom at? At least a rich
person's shit doesn't stink. It could get nasty up there,
otherwise. . . . I think all rich people who fly around in
balloons should be open game during duck hunting season. . . .
People that get drunk on New Years Day are probably alcoholics.
Like New Years Eve just wasn't enough . . . It's weird that like
3 million people post on "The Interactive Cerebellum"
when I'm feeling fine and don't really give a shit, and then when
I get sick and am bored out of my mind everyone just suddenly
STOPS posting. Bastards . . . That's so idiotic when people get
their senior pictures taken with their fucking dog. How desperate
can you be? Next they'll probably be posting pictures of their
canine online. . . .
I wonder why they never show nudity in horror movies anymore? They always have girls in bikinis, or some sex scene where the girl takes off her shirt, begins lifting off her bra and then suddenly the camera *cuts*. Is it suddenly politically incorrect to show tits and ass just for the sake of showing tits and ass? When I pay the big bucks to see a movie like "Scream 2" I wanna see Buffy the Vampire Slayer's boobs, damnit! . . . "Tyson's Breast Chunks: Featuring Nude Photos of YOUR Favorite Chick!" I think I'm gonna become rich with that one. . . .
©1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Don't copy this without my permission, or you're going to be the "mystery meat" stuck in the next box of "Tyson's".
Something on your mind? Email Alex at email@example.com
Back to the table of brains 1998
Back to the mind-map.