500 Thoughts

Let Me Think a Minute Here . . .
Written by: Alex Sandell

Instead of printing "last date of sale printed on back of package", why don't they just put the "last date" on the front and save the ink? . . . Is "breast chunks" really the best title "Tyson Chicken" could come up with? . . . I bet if I could travel back in time to the year 1943 and tell my grandpa that the letter he is writing to his parents will be read by thousands of people 56 years later, through a phoneline, on a thing called "the world wide web", all due to his grandson, he'd get a vasectomy. . . . I can't believe "Toys R Us" won't sell the "bloody" versions of the Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Eve and Patrick dolls. I knew Wal-Mart wouldn't, but Toys R Us??? I think from now on I want to be a "Kay Bee Toys" kid! Sorry, "Toys R Us", I've converted. . . . Even "Tyson Meaty Breast" would have been better. . . . I wonder if you have to get all the eggs from that crazy blue fucker and every diamond to reach the bonus levels in "Spyro", or if you just need to get all the diamonds? . . . I remember when my mom told my brother and I that grapes are what make people drunk when they drink wine. We then proceeded to eat an entire jar of grape jelly, each. I haven't been the same since. . . . "Tyson's Tits" sounds pretty appetizing. Mmm . . . tits. . . . Why is it that if a man catches his girlfriend cheating on him with a friend, 99.999% of the time he'll stop being friends with the man, but will continue seeing the woman? Didn't she do the same thing as the man he despises so much? Being that she was dating him and he put all his trust into her, wasn't what she was doing worse than the friend? At least the guy wasn't cheating. All's fair in loving whores, or something. . . . Speaking of whores, I sure could use some of them "Tyson's Tits"! . . . Why do rich people always want to fly around the world in balloons? Where the hell do they go to the bathroom at? At least a rich person's shit doesn't stink. It could get nasty up there, otherwise. . . . I think all rich people who fly around in balloons should be open game during duck hunting season. . . . People that get drunk on New Years Day are probably alcoholics. Like New Years Eve just wasn't enough . . . It's weird that like 3 million people post on "The Interactive Cerebellum" when I'm feeling fine and don't really give a shit, and then when I get sick and am bored out of my mind everyone just suddenly STOPS posting. Bastards . . . That's so idiotic when people get their senior pictures taken with their fucking dog. How desperate can you be? Next they'll probably be posting pictures of their canine online. . . .

I wonder why they never show nudity in horror movies anymore? They always have girls in bikinis, or some sex scene where the girl takes off her shirt, begins lifting off her bra and then suddenly the camera *cuts*. Is it suddenly politically incorrect to show tits and ass just for the sake of showing tits and ass? When I pay the big bucks to see a movie like "Scream 2" I wanna see Buffy the Vampire Slayer's boobs, damnit! . . . "Tyson's Breast Chunks: Featuring Nude Photos of YOUR Favorite Chick!" I think I'm gonna become rich with that one. . . .

Something on your mind? Email Alex at alex@juicycerebellum.com

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