More than I ever wanted to know, I learned in Kindergarten.
Written by: Alex Sandell

*Teachers don't really care about what you have to say, as long as you raise your hand lots, and give them an apple.
*Taking turns sucks.
*The locker-room is your enemy.
*I can go years without getting laid.
*Brownosers need to be shot.
*Drinking from a water-fountain is a lot harder than it looks.
*The playground can be a really scary, lonely place to be.
*Looks do matter. So does clothes, haircut, race, attitude, income, etc..
*Nearly anyone is abusive, if allowed to be.
*Getting hit in the nuts really hurts.
*The older somebody gets, the more that they smell.
*Authority figures are the most flawed of all humans, and will inevitably pick a few people to encourage and praise, and a few more to tear-apart and destroy.
*People will always want to form "teams," and for every team, there is going to be that one person that nobody wants.
*That's where I usually come in.
*Most people are followers.
*I'm not like most people.
*Taking showers in front of a bunch of other members of the same sex, is kinda embarrassing.
*Always keep your underwear clean, somebody, someday, might see it.
*People will laugh at you if you have an "accident."
*People are hypocrites.
*People like to "tattle."
*Most people are all the same.
*People are scared of the few people that aren't.
*If two individuals are fighting, the girl is more than likely going to be believed.
*A soothing woman, cradling you when you think everything has gotten to be more than you can take, can be the most wonderful thing in the world.
*That last thing never really happens.
*Schooling sucks.
*People will say anything that feels good is "wrong."
*The more you try to fit in, the farther out you'll become, unless you're a jock.
*In a physical fight, with another male, I'm gonna lose.
*Males can't handle verbally fighting long, before they make it physical.
*Fantasy Man is the worst man of all (okay, I learned that one later).
*Batman is better without all the cheese.
*Women giggle like a big group of idiots whenever they are together.
*People will take anything original about another person, and turn it into something "bad."
*Losing someone forever is something you'll never forget.
*Grandparents can be your best-friend.
*Parents want to be.
*People ignore what they don't want to think about. (Unless they're busy "tattling" on it.)
*Lunchroom pizza tastes just like "Tostino's," no matter what anyone says.
*The most trivial people often receive the greatest of praise.
*I like to write really long lists of stuff that I think of.
*Loneliness is the most painful emotion of all, second to loss.
*God gave men a penis for something to play with.
*You should eat four-pieces of bacon a day, for good health (I think this one has been altered, since).
*My cousin is nuts for thinking "Frankenberry" is better than "Count Chocula" cereal.
*It seems like some people were put here just to be made fun of.
*Material-items, and jealousy, make humanity a race of animals that are far inferior to what we could be.
*If people can get away with it, they will.
*Everyone claims that "they're" telling the truth.
*Most people don't dare stand-out in a crowd.
*People that do dare, usually only dare in a group of like-minded individuals, who also stand out.
*The aforementioned people never see the irony in that.
*My parents will never be comfortable with the way that I write (I.E. the things that I write about).
*I'm a freak, but you gotta love me. ;)
*Some people strongly disagree with that "gotta love me" part of the last sentence.
*They're dumb.

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©1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Wanna know something else I knew in Kindergarten? People like to rip other people off. You know what I didn't know? There's a thing called a "copyright," and those people are fucked.

I didn't know about "links" back in Kindergarten, so I don't know WHERE this will take you.