12/19/05 The Catholic League demands South Park apologize for being funny!
Introduction to the "Anti-Catholic League" | Recent press releases from the "Anti-Catholic League"
|The Anti-Catholic League:
For the average American's right to be protected from the "Catholic League"
President: Alex Sandell
Welcome to "The Anti-Catholic League," a segment of The Juicy Cerebellum created specifically to keep Americans who aren't crazy, safe from psychotic Catholics. Right off the bat, I'd like to say that I am not criticizing the Catholic religion, as a whole, but rather, a group of "Catholics" who call themselves the "Catholic League." Claiming to be working for "Religious and Civil Rights," the group protests anything it deems as "biased" against Catholics. This can be something as simple as a brief, forgettable line from a television show, an entire episode of South Park satirizing the problems in the Catholic church, an issue of Playboy with a girl in a "Catholic" school-girl uniform (yummy), or a radio talk show that the loonies in the league considers "offensive." This is an ultra-paranoid League that makes outlandish claims along the lines of deciding that CNN has a "problem" with Catholics because it featured a two-minute segment on "Women in the Pulpit" wherein a female minister "criticized" the Roman Catholic church for not ordaining people without penises. Whatever it is that the Catholic League is currently whining about, it will undoubtedly come off as insignificant and petty to the vast majority of Catholics (I was introduced to this group by a Catholic School Teacher who asked me to take a look at "this idiotic group of Nazis"), but the Catholic League whines nonetheless . . . it has an image to uphold.
What image? The one where it pretends to control (blackmail, extort, etc.) Hollywood and the media. The Catholic League is on what will probably go down in history as the biggest powertrip this side of Napoleon (dare I say Hitler?). It feels it has the right to harass Hollywood studios, filmmakers, radio stations, webmasters, magazine and newspaper publishers, abortion rights activists, feminists, and just about anyone else it doesn't see eye to eye with. All in the name of "Religious and Civil rights." Even worse, in some cases its bullying tactics actually work.
Disney owned studio, Miramax, dropped Kevin Smith's Catholic satire, "Dogma" (it was later picked up by Lion's Gate) after increased pressure from the Catholic League. A few years earlier the same studio pushed forward the release of "Priest" when the Catholic League protested its Good Friday (isn't that Friday good only for those who believe it is?) release and claimed the movie portrayed every Catholic Priest as evil and/or immoral. (Which, in other words, is basically saying that being gay is "immoral." Speaking your mind is "evil." And, members of the Catholic League must be juuuust perfect, to look down on everyone else in such a manner.) FOX was strong-armed into apologizing by this group of God-fearing hypocrites when it aired an episode of "Ally McBeal" which featured a nun who was upset when she was forced out of the church for having a sexual encounter with someone she loved. FOX has promised the Catholic League that it will be more "careful" in the future. Viacom, which owns CBS, cancelled the popular "The Opie and Anthony Show" for doing a play-by-play of a sex act that alledgedly took place in New York's St. Patrick's Cathedral, after the Catholic League came down hard (pun intended) on it. Sony decided not to release a CD benefiting numerous women's rights groups after the Catholic League promised that the world would be made aware of the evil, woman loving "Sony," and its blasphemy, if it was to release the CD. Not one Compact Disc was sold. Dozens of companies were threatened to be "outed" if they didn't pull their advertisements from a television sitcom that the Catholic League deemed anti-catholic. Most ended up removing their advertising. What happened to those companies who stood their ground? The Catholic League made up a blacklist and basically scared the Catholics into believing that if they didn't boycott the products, they were gonna burn in Hell. The television show was cancelled.
The list of offenses committed by the Catholic League goes on and on. The paranoid press releases get increasing media attention. All the while, it seems no one has the time to notice how anti-GOD the Catholic League actually is.
This isn't what Jesus taught us to behave like. This isn't what the Lord would want. They both ask us not to judge, lest we be judged ourselves. They ask us to turn the other cheek. I don't remember them asking William Donohue (President of the Catholic League) and his group of fanatic cronies to decide what is right and wrong in the eyes of the Church. I don't remember them asking us to turn the other cheek "unless it's Ted Turner throwing the punches." I don't seem to recall the Bible reading "he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone at the MEDIA." I just remember some nice hippie sentiments and God claiming that he'll be the judge. It isn't our job. It isn't the job of the Catholic League. If anything, the Catholics in that "League" should spend less time trying to get their cock sucked by Hollywood, and more time praying for their souls, and the general welfare of others.
Welcome, once again, to the Anti-Catholic League. Keep checking back for further updates on how a bunch of whacky Christians are trying to destroy your right to view, read and hear what you want to. Don't let a fanatic ruin your fun!
If you are NOT a member of the Anti-Catholic
League, and wish to join, please send an email to
Catholics SUCK!" Please include your full name and mailing address. All
information IS kept confidential, and WILL NOT be given out, without your permission.
If you haven't received at least three press releases
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tidbits on how to
stand up and fight against anti-FREE SPEECH groups such as the Catholic League!!! Many press releases are
NOT posted here, and are only sent to members of the media and/or members of the Anti-Catholic League.
Don't let another important news release pass you by!
Speak your mind!!! Tell the Catholic League what you think of them! Phone (212) 371-3191 FAX (212) 371-3394. Or, snailmail the hypocrites at: 450 Seventh Avenue, New York, New York, 10123
Email any comments and/or questions to email@example.com I'd LOVE to see anything you faxed to the Catholic League, or hear your stories about what happened when you called!
All contents are ęCopyright 1999 - 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. This may not be reproduced without prior permission from the author. He was raised Catholic, so you better ask nice! Neat drawing by Sean Simmans, who isn't mad at me, after-all. He's just busy drawing pictures of lesbians. Understandable.
Go get JUICY!