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"Do not judge others, so that God will not judge you, for God will judge you in the same way you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others.  Why, then, do you look at the speck in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye?  How dare you say to your brother, 'Please, let me take that speck out of your eye,' when you have a log in your own eye?  You hypocrite!"
-Jesus Christ

PRESS RELEASES

The Catholic League demands South Park apologize for being funny!

The Exorcism of Emily Rose exploitative Catholic Propaganda film!

The Opie and Anthony Show latest victim of the Catholic League!

End of Days biased against Catholics?

Catholic League Demands Apology for Politically Incorrect Comments!

Catholic League Fights For Fame; Not For Catholics!

Catholic League Does it Again!  Simpsons To Be Censored!

William Donohue the Anti-Christ?

December 19th, 2005

The Catholic League demands South Park apologize for being funny!

The Catholic League "for Religious and Civil Rights" has proven, once again, that it has absolutely no sense of humor.  A long-time member of The Anti-Catholic League has informed us that the group is "up in arms" over the December 8th episode of South Park in which a statue of the Virgin Mary appears to be bleeding out of her ass. 

The episode is an obvious send-up of all the nutjobs who have made pilgrimages to Sacramento, California to see the statue of the Virgin shed her "miracle tears."  It's odd that God asks us to have faith and not demand miracles to prove his existence, yet every time a statue drips rust or a potato chip is shaped like the baby Jesus, people flock to see it and immediately claim that it's a "miracle" and prance around acting like their faith has been vindicated.  If they were truly faithful, would this vindication be needed?

The guys over at South Park -- always quick to pick up on the absurdities of the "off-their-rockers" fringe of Christianity -- decided to create a bloody Mary of their own, only their Virgin bleeds out of an unused area of her body.  During the episode the Pope finds that the statue is bleeding from its vagina, rather than asshole, and decides it isn't a miracle, because women bleed from that area on a regular basis. 

Admittedly, the concept is crude, but crudity is South Park's stock in trade.  Nothing's sacred on the show, but at the same time, nothing was anti-Catholic in the episode.  The fact that the wanna-be persecuted folks over at The Catholic League are demanding an apology (what's new?) and going so far as to stifle artistic expression by asking that the episode be "permanently retired and not be made available on DVD" shows, once again, that these goons more closely resemble men of the mob than they do men of the cloth. 

When asked about the incident Anti-Catholic League President Alex Sandell responded, "The Catholic League appears to have a problem with cartoons.  They were after The Simpsons a few years back, and now this.  Maybe we need to start 'The Cartoon League for Artistic and Caricature Rights.'  If The Catholic League wants to continue getting their panties in a twist over cartoons, I guess that's their problem.  Still, if they asked themselves, 'What would Jesus do?' the answer most certainly wouldn't be, 'Get all uptight over a 30 minute animated program airing on Comedy Central.'"

Maybe Alex is giving the folks at the League too much credit.  They appear to put banning cartoons about 10 notches above feeding the hungry and clothing the poor.  And we here at the Anti-Catholic League think they skipped Sunday School on the day when kids were being taught all about turning the other cheek.  

October 20th, 2005

The Exorcism of Emily Rose exploitative Catholic Propaganda film!

There was no "Emily Rose."  The movie is loosely based on the story of Anneliese Michel.  Anneliese died of starvation on July 1st, 1976 at the hands of her parents and two Priests, all of whom were found guilty of "negligent homicide" and spent time in jail.  Anneliese was not possessed, she was epileptic (her first grand-mal seizure was in 1968).  For the last 10 months of her life, Father Arnold Renz and Pastor Ernst Alt performed dangerous 17th Century exorcisms on Anneliese Michel at least one or two times a week.  Both her knees became ruptured from the 600 genuflections she performed during the exorcisms.  By the time of her last exorcism, on June 30th, 1976 -- one day before her death -- Anneliese suffered from pneumonia, high fever and emaciation.  Although she was too exhausted to perform the ritualized genuflections that had destroyed her knees, her abusive parents took it upon themselves to push her to her knees, causing the dying girl to perform forced-genuflections as the Priests, unwilling to listen to medical advice or seek out any alternatives, performed the final exorcism.  It was thought that Anneliese, had she been fed even one week prior to her death, would have survived her sickness and could have then sought medical treatment for her multiple disorders (none of which were possession).  The Exorcism of Emily Rose portrays the Priest performing the exorcism as a hero.  One wonders if 20 years down the line Catholics will wash their hands of all the child-molestation that occurs in the church and make the worst offenders out to be heroes and portray the victims as grateful to receive the "hand of God" in their most private of regions?  It wouldn't be too far removed from portraying two murderers as faithful men of the cloth and Catholic martyrs worthy of our pity.  The Exorcism of Emily Rose is Catholic propaganda at its worst. 

August 24th, 2002

The Opie and Anthony Show latest victim of The Catholic League!

During the past few days, the hopped up, foul mouthed President of The Catholic League of Self-Serving Sickie Sinners, William Donohue has, once again, given up valuable church time to make the rounds on various talk shows. Donohue, a man who looks, sounds and acts strikingly similar to sitcom character, Archie Bunker, but comes off as even more of a dimwitted bigot, was obviously promoting nothing more than himself while making weak-willed "arguments" stating that The Opie and Anthony Show needed to be canceled due to its "bias" against Catholics. What had Bill so riled up was the fact that the radio program had offered points to people for having sex in public. You received a bonus point if you had sex in a church. When a couple allegedly had sex in New York's St. Patrick's Cathedral, while a play-by-play of the act was described on the radio show, Donohue thought that it could be argued that the offense met "the requirements of a hate crime." Donohue, obviously a man so confused he mistakes a consensual act of love as a crime of hate, immediately reported the crime to the FCC. The FCC, being run by a bunch of George W. Bush appointed conservative fuckwits, immediately threatened to take, "the strongest enforcement action possible" against the station, if the events proved to be true, possibly revoking the station's license.

If only the Government responded to corporate crime or the Bush Administration's alleged potential criminal actions as quickly as it did to a goofy radio stunt. How different would the world be? At the very least, I'm guessing we'd have two more towers standing tall in New York City at this very moment. Of course Viacom, proud owner of "rebellious" stations such as MTV and BET, proved, once again, that they could give a shit less about New York City, or any other part of the United States, when they crumbled under the FCC's pressure and canceled the show. Thanks to this "refreshing example of corporate responsibility," William Donohue has asked the FCC to "cease with its investigation" of the incident. What delusions of grandeur our boy Bill is under! Does he think he runs the Government, now? I'm guessing the FCC will call this investigation off, but it won't be because Billy boy petitioned them to do so. It will be because the current incarnation of the FCC sucks the cock of corporate America, and FCC head (pun intended), Michael Powell (he's the son of Colin. I wonder how he got the job?) has yet to find a corporation that he doesn't love. Still, the group was quick to publicly spit venom at Viacom for their actions, so maybe the FCC is turning over a new leaf.

If we're going to see a stronger, tougher FCC, one that's eager to cancel things they feel may be "damaging" to the American people, how about we see some of those business shows that encouraged people to "buy! buy! buy!" into tech. stocks over the past decade, separating millions of hardworking Americans from their cash, get the boot? While we're at it, why not get rid of Viacom's own, Martha Stewart Living? How many crimes has the snooty star of that show committed? I'm sure there are at least a handful that are worse than a crude radio stunt, one that wasn't even against the law to broadcast. And while the FCC is suddenly giving a damn, why not put an end to Viacom owning two major broadcast networks (UPN and CBS), a previously forbidden practice?

Yes, there is a bias in this country, but it isn't against Catholics, it's against common Americans. It's against the bottom 80% of wage earners. It's against entertainers. Opie and Anthony were doing their job, and their job was to shock. That is what Viacom encouraged them to do, to keep up the big ratings. We used to have freedoms in this country, and instead of going after a couple of talk radio hosts for still believing in a few of them, the FCC should be going after corporate criminals such as Viacom. I am compelled to agree with Catholic League President, William Donohue when he states that, "we are not dealing with reasonówe are dealing with hate." It is lack of reason that allows envelope-pushing shows such as Politically Incorrect and The Opie and Anthony Show to be canceled, and it is hate that keeps an organization like The Catholic League afloat.
-Alex Sandell

November 26th, 1999

End of Days biased against Catholics?

The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights has proven, once and for all, that they are nothing but ill-advised fame-seekers.  Somehow, the League has miraculously extended the long limb of ludicrousness that it likes to go out on; with its newest media-baiting accusation.   The League of Devout Paranoid Schizophrenics Looking for Fame are carrying on with dubious claims that the new Arnold Schwarzenegger film, End of Days, is anti-Catholic.  Their argument is based upon the fact that a Priest gets crucified on a ceiling by Satan, during the movie.   I'm not sure if the Catholic League expected Satan to deliver the priest flowers, and sip tea with him; but I think it's pretty far-fetched to say that a film showing Satan's dislike for a Priest through a violent act, makes a movie biased against Catholicism.  Without seeing the film, William Donohue, the president of the Catholic League, threatened to "expose" director Peter Hyams, for being a "bigot."  After seeing the film, Alex Sandell, president of the Anti-Catholic League, threatened to expose William Donohue, for being an presumptious moron that should keep his mouth shut until he learns all of the facts.  "End of Days is not a crappy film that is biased against Catholics," says Sandell; "End of Days is just a crappy film."       

November 13th, 1999

Catholic League Demands Apology for Politically Incorrect Comments!

For the second time since The Simpsons fiasco, back in June, the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights has gotten their name in the mainstream press by complaining about Freedom of Speech being used on television.  Once again, the League of Hypocritical Morons, as I like to call them, have bypassed praying in lieu of getting national exposure from the media they claim to abhor. 

This time Bill Maher, star of ABC's Politically Incorrect, "blasted" Catholics by claiming, "Catholics practice what they want to practice.  They go to see the Pope 'cause he's a big celebrity, but they go home and they masturbate, they practice birth control."  Maher further enraged the Catholic League of Idiots Who Have All Masturbated Themselves by insisting that the Catholic church did "horrible things through history." 

Although Maher was most definitely right on both counts; the Catholic League wants, at the very least, an apology from ABC.   At best, it hopes that Maher, who they claim has proven himself to be an, "anti-Catholic bigot," terminated.  Knowing the Catholic League of Self-Righteous Jerk-Offs; they probably already hired the hit-man.  Maybe good ol' Will Donohue, press-obsessed leader of the Catholic League, will use some of that excess cash he takes from vulnerable dorks who buy into his hype, and crucify Maher on television.  Hey, it could happen. 

In the meantime, our Freedom of Speech has, once again, been threatened by the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.   Maher was within his rights, as an American, with the comments he made, and has no reason to apologize.  His stating that the Catholic church did "horrible things through history" doesn't mean he's not aware of the good things that it has done.  I'm sure he can count them all on one hand, just like the rest of us. 

November 13th, 1999

Catholic League Fights For Fame; Not For Catholics!

Since forming the Anti-Catholic League nearly seven months ago, I've gotten dozens of reports from members, and non-members, alike, who had interesting stories to tell about how they were treated when contacting the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.  Calls weren't returned, operators were condescending in nature, and, strangely enough, anyone saying they were calling from The Juicy Cerebellum (host of the Anti-Catholic League) were immediately hung up upon!  How anti-Christian of them, to hang up on poor lost souls, such as ourselves.  Aren't they supposed to try and convert us to their limited way of thinking?  At the very least, couldn't they offer to send out some free literature on why the whole world is out to get Catholics?  Obviously not.  The Juicy Cerebellum and the Anti-Catholic League are both very well-known in the inner-circle of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.  Trust me, I've made sure of that.  Yet, they haven't written about us in any of their press-releases, and William Donohue has not returned any of the calls I left on his pager, demanding an apology for the bad name he has given Catholics, and the rude way his slaves . . . er, "employees" treated members of the Anti-Catholic League

Now, why would this be?  Why wouldn't the Anti-Catholic League be public enemy number one on the Catholic League's long list of people they refuse to turn the other cheek to?  I'm guessing because it isn't public enough.  Sure, Will and the gang could piss and moan about the Anti-Catholic League, but it wouldn't get them on the news.   You see, we're not as big as ABC, CBS or all those naughty studios in Hollywood.   This, more than anything, is conclusive proof that the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights is out for nothing more than fame and glory.  They could give two sheep in a manger less about some "little" site on the web that is directly attacking them.  That's why members of the Anti-Catholic League are quickly rallying behind this site and are ready to call and write the MAJOR newspapers across the country about this little ol' page that people like Donohue think poses no threat.  If you want to join the good fight, rather than sit back idly while your rights are slowly chipped away at by some wild-eyed bald dude who has a thing against the First Amendment, join the Anti-Catholic League today.  Simply send an email to alex@juicycerebellum.com stating that you wish to join.  I ask that you provide a first and last name, and, to allow me to send you Anti-Catholic League literature, posters, stickers, and more; a valid mailing address.  Your name, address, and any other information you give to the Anti-Catholic League will be considered strictly confidential, and WILL NOT be given out to anyone, without your permission.

June 4th, 1999

Catholic League Does it Again!  Simpsons To Be Censored!

The "Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights" decided their civil rights were being trampled on by the Super Bowl episode of The Simpsons.  The "league" claimed a joke in the episode which featured a female in a television ad wearing a crucifix while dancing to ZZ Top, violated their religious and civil rights and was offensive toward Catholics.   An announcer in the ad says, "The Catholic Church:  We've made a few changes."

As is typical with the "Catholic League," this "offensive" joke wasn't even discovered until months after it originally aired, but was treated as though the world would end tomorrow if it wasn't done away with immediately.  Also keeping with "Catholic League" tradition, the league made a media even out of it and repeatedly "asked" the FOX network to have it removed.  Sadly, the FOX network did not stand behind The Simpsons, a show that has remained immensely popular for over 9 years and has made the network billions, and told Executive Producer Mike Scully that if the joke wasn't removed, the episode would not air again.  Scully is furious over FOX's demands and, I'm assuming, is looking forward to that fateful day when Jesus comes back to earth to take a big, stinky dump on the power-hungry members of "The Catholic League."

June 4th, 1999

William Donohue the Anti-Christ?

Is the president of the "Catholic League" the Anti-Christ?  Alex Sandell, president of the "Anti-Catholic League," (www.juicycerebellum.com/league.htm) seems to think so.  "The guy thinks he's the Second Coming," Alex said in a radio interview earlier today, "with the way he bullies the media around, it's either that or the reincarnation of Al Capone."  How does any of this make Mr. Donohue the Anti-Christ?  "The Anti-Christ wanted to be Christ.  He wanted to take his place.  So does Will.  He's obsessed with power.  The guy knows he's going against everything the Lord stands for, yet he does his blasphemous work in the name of the Lord." 

Mr. Sandell swears to continue his fight against the "Catholic League" and their violation of free speech and ethical behavior until, "the sons of bitches cave."  "I've been up against a lot in my life," said a determined Alex, "and God's Mafia isn't about to stop me.  I'm no FOX or Disney.  I have nothing to lose.  It's David VS. Goliath, and -- as I'm sure Peckerhead Donohue knows -- the little guy came out victorious in that Biblical battle!" 

Alex has called William Donohue's "members of the media only" pager numerous times, but has received no response.  "I wonder why only members of the media are asked to leave messages on that coveted pager of his?" Sandell pondered. "Why isn't it a 'Christians only,' pager, or, if anything,  'members of the Catholic Religion?'  That is who he claims to be defending, right?" 

Alex finished the interview by telling the world, "I'm hoping to take the jerk-off on in a Pay-Per-View Wrestling match.   If that doesn't work, I suppose I'll settle for a quick debate and his apologetic surrender."    

All contents are ©Copyright 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  This may not be reproduced without prior permission from the author.  He was raised Catholic, so you better ask nice! 

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