Has this fucking thing really been around for a decade?
Yes. The Juicy Cerebellum entered its tenth year in 2007 and on March 14th it will be exactly 10 years old. I'll be 10 years older than I was when I started the page 10 years ago. And you're not getting any younger yourself, son. I remember when I started this site, I was still having sex with women that had firm boobs.
How will you celebrate year number 10?
Lots of alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. I've also debated actually putting pictures (the non-altered kind) of myself up, since that's been the number 1 thing people have requested over the years. If I do that, I'll probably end up mortified and will most likely kill myself. But you'll be happy! That's all that matters, right?
How do I make The Juicy Cerebellum look like it's supposed to look?
This site doesn't look quite right on any browser other than Internet Explorer. Why? Because I use Microsoft Frontpage to create the site and Microsoft does anything in its power to keep people using its awful browser. Personally, I'd keep using Mozilla Firefox and dealing with the page not looking picture perfect. It's an ugly ass page, anyway -- looking like something that would have been "state of the art" back in like 1997. Think of The Juicy Cerebellum as you would your wife: She was hot once and you loved her. Now she's wrinkly and is growing fine pieces of hair out of her butt that she doesn't know about, but you love her too much to dump her for somebody who remembers to wax, but doesn't know you in that special way your hairy wife does. Trust me, I know you. I know you like The Department of Homeland Security -- only with being a Department ... of Homeland ... Security. Okay, I don't really know you very well at all. Still, I bet you're fat.
Q: Why do you sometimes go like 2 months without updating?
A: For the same reason I go like 3 months without flossing -- I just don't care.
Q: Is this a movie page? A poetry page? What is it???
A: It's my page. Period. I just paid to renew the stupid thing through 2009 (the damn page will most likely outlive me). It cost me over $100 to keep the Cerebellum Juicy. How much did it cost you? That's what I thought. If I want to spend 3 weeks writing exclusively about the merits of female pubic hair, I'll do so. If that doesn't get me laid after 3 or 4 days, I'll probably write about something else.
Q: Are you just using this page as a way to get laid?
Q: What's the deal with Britney Spears?
A: Her crotch-waddle is disgusting. I wouldn't fuck that thing with a 10 foot pole.
Q: Are you lying, just because you know you have no chance with Britney?
Q: Do you still respond to every email you receive?
A: I no longer receive emails. Everyone hates me.
Q: Do you get paid for this?
A: No, I've probably spent over $2,000 to keep this page going over the past decade. That's more than you paid to replace your muffler after sticking a monkey in your butt.
Q: What the hell did that mean?
A: That's for me to know and you to find out.
Q: Do you really know?
Q: Will I ever find out?
A: I wiggle my finger whenever I see a printer in action.
Q: Do you ever think of going into stand-up comedy for a living?
A: No. I'm too scared people will laugh at what I'm saying.
Q: Do you like politics or movies better?
A: I probably spend more time on politics, but movies bring me more pleasure. My neighbor watches football constantly.
Q: How do you know?
A: My treadmill is set up so I can see into his living room. He has a huge TV, about 1000 CDs, 500 DVDs, Dish Network, Tivo and yet, somehow, not enough money for shades.
Q: Treadmill? Do you actually use it?
A: Only to spy on my neighbor.
Q: Is this some sort of running gag?
A: Well, it is a treadmill.
Q: If you could be one person other than yourself, who would you be?
A: Carrot Top.
Enough with the questions. Onto the Manifesto!
If you're a Catholic and I offended you with the Anti-Catholic League, I do not apologize
Why should I? You're a fucking Catholic. You eat a Wheat Thin every Sunday and think that it's Christ.
If you're a Mormon and I offended you with one of my updates, I do not apologize
You're a friggin' Mormon! You get laid more in a day than I have in my life. And you're married to each piece of poontang that you get!
I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you
If you've been "offended" by my writing you need to get over yourself. The Juicy Cerebellum is an equal opportunity offender. There are plenty of piss-poor pages just hopping up and down to sympathize with your martyrdom. If you belong to MySpace and never ruffle any feathers, and don't mind mindless plops of human sludge farted out of the heavens, you may discover an entire "social-network" just as lifeless as you!
Aren't YOU a member of MySpace?
I said "enough with the questions." Can't you read? This is the "Manifesto" part. By definition, Manifestos do not contain questions.
You just asked a question when you asked if I could read!!!
Quit using so many exclamation points. It makes you look 15.
I will not give you extra attention because I think you're hot and you might sleep with me
Okay, I made that one up. And I'd love to see a few photos of your boobs with "Juicy" written on one and "Cerebellum" written on the other. As long as you're 18. I love boobs with words written on them that are applicable to a site that I've created.
©2007 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you want to copy my Manifesto, you'll discover just what the word "Manifesto" means. And then I'll kill you. With a fork.
email Alex at email@example.com
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