"I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves
me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country.
As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned and
an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money
power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign . . .
until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the Republic
is destroyed.  I feel at this moment more anxiety for the
safety of my country than ever before,
even in the midst of war."
-Prophet Abraham Lincoln, 1864

MasterCard Goes Juicy:
And Alex goes nuts and writes a totally unrelated update about it
Written by:  Alex Sandell

Quick . . . tell me who the President of the United States is! Did you choose George W. Bush?  Or, are you a "Democrat" still in denial over the whole "Florida Incident," who optimistically spit out a verbal vote of confidence for Al Gore?  Or, did you get technical about it all, choosing Bill Clinton, since the man does have one day left to fuck up the country?  The correct answer?  


The president of the United States of America is Microsoft, GE, AT&T, Boeing, Exxon, Dow, AOL-Time Warner (stupid, stupid mergers), Walt Disney, Phillip Morris (hey, they claim that they helped out "minorities" by using banks with lots of blacks, those moralistic tobacco giants!) and every other corporate hero of the western world.  I'd like to place the blame on the Republicans, saying that it was all their fault, letting the corporations put the final finger over the neck of the world's economy, locking it into that gold-ringed strangle-hold, once-and-for-all, but it isn't as much the fault of Republicans as it is the fault of one adulterous hick from Arkansas: William "wanna-be-a-Democrat" Jefferson Clinton (that'd be Bill to you "common" folk).

It's not that the Republicans didn't try.  I mean, they wanted corporations to run your lives just as much, if not more, than the "new" Democrats, headed by Slick Willy did, it's just that they were too fucking dumb to get anything accomplished.  George Bush, the prequel, tried his best with his "new world order," but failed miserably, due to the fact that he wasn't the brightest light in the ongoing string of glowing Government morons (and have you taken a look at his son, yet?).  It took a Republican in Democrat's clothing, namely one Bill Clinton, to get this whole "New World Order" thing down, calling it the "WTO" and convincing those of us retarded enough to believe him that it was all about giving the world a "hand up, not a hand down."  Slick Willy said that it wasn't about women making less than a dollar an hour working in Vietnam for Nike (which has never made a shoe in America), and getting hit over the head with one of the very same shoes that they manufactured, as an "incentive" that this whole World Trade Organization was about, it was about "cleaning up the earth."  

That Slick Willy, he done fooled us all.  At least he done fooled those of us too scared to vote for Ralph Nader in '96 or again in 2000, when we had a chance to show these "new" Democrats that we prefer the old, and "economic prosperity" is bullshit, when less than 70% of Americans are actually feeling it.  Really, if you make less than $30,000 a year, and are over 30 years old, are you better off than you were in 1992?  I didn't think so.  And those single mothers Billy got off the welfare rolls?  At least 71% of them are still unemployed single mothers, just without the means to raise their children.  Bill DID take that welfare money the Government used to use to help the welfare class and offered it to the billion dollar corporations as an "incentive" to hire people currently on welfare.  You read that correctly:  if AT&T gives a welfare mother a job, they now get a $10,000.00 handout from the Government for doing so.  

This, among other things, is why I pick Bill Clinton as the worst President in American history, and select Al Gore as the world's biggest VP hypocrite.  So what if Clinton dedicated a bunch of national parks at the end of his second term?  It's symbolic back-slapping, and nothing more.  Suddenly Clinton wants to be remembered as the "environmental" president.  I'd agree, if only he'd remove the "environ" part.  You can't really save the world's environment by protecting a few parks in America.  It's too little, too late.  Bill Clinton's WTO has the potential to cause more environmental damage around the WORLD than anything that came before it, including cow farts and 3.5 gallon toilets (that joke will only be funny if you pay attention to more than the latest episode of Friends.  If you didn't laugh, the silence you heard was your brain expiring.). Al Gore?  Well, his book was a good read, too bad it was fucking Gore-created-fiction, along with inventing the Internet and having "hotlips" for Tipper.  That bastard would sell your daughter to your mother if he thought he could cut down a tree in the name of a "incestually-sound" middle-aged cunt contribution.

A lot of you have asked, as of late, if I'm a Republican.  I always answer you imbecilic idiots by asking if a bear shits in a 3.5 gallon toilet.  Of course not.  The only thing worse than a conservative is a moderate, and I am neither one.  I am a liberal, and I believe in what the Democrats of yesteryear once believed in: a fair living wage for everyone, health care for everyone, environmental protection, equal rights for women and minorities, and lots and lots of restrictions on corporate mergers, and corporations themselves.  Really, the only thing that I hate worse than Al Gore, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (not to mention my old manager, Robert, who really has no power at all, other than to be a manager at a shitty $10.00 an hour job), is corporate power.  Corporate power and corporate manipulation.  There are actually some of you out there who think that you've "got it good" if you're being paid $50,000 annually by a corporation that screws over millions of people, has no ethics, and makes billions of dollars in return for screwing everything the hell up.  Well, fuck you and the low IQ you rode in on: these people aren't benefiting YOU, they're benefiting themselves through you, and if your job can be shipped off to Mexico, you can be damn sure that it will (for about $5,000.00 a year).  Helps the stockholders make a few bucks per share. That's capitalism, right?  

I don't think so.

That's a corporate dictatorship.  We are being run and controlled by corporate entities, and I have had enough of it.  Actually, I had enough of it the second I wrote my first anti-corporate article, back in 1986, but most of you weren't born then, and if you were, you were born yesterday.  I'm stating, once again, for the thousandth time, how sick of it I am.  As usual, you teeny-bopper dicksmacks will sit there going "huh" as you fill out your college applications, hoping to grab that golden ring and make a nice salary and, if you're lucky, have a white picket fence (don't forget the 2.5 kids).  You're all too lazy to believe that if all of us stood up against the corporations (including the corporate colleges across the country), the corporations would fall down, and we could be a success on our own.  It's that simple.  If no one went to college no one would need college to get a good job.  If no one supported Nike until they made shoes in America, Nike would make shoes in America.  If no one used Clearasil until they paid all their employees a decent living wage, Clearasil would give all their employees a raise.  So far, we're taking "clean skin" over fighting Clearasil.  We might make it to the picket lines, as long as our faces are acne free. 

Well, fuck this, fuck you, and fuck Bill Clinton too.

I hoped from the beginning that Bill Clinton's sequel, Al Gore, would lose, and, even though George W. Bush has been worse than anyone could have imagined, I'm glad Gore lost. I despise the politics of George W., but at least he remains faithful to his party.  We've already had Bill Clinton, and I don't want another cheating Democrat in office.  By "cheating," I don't mean, "he got his dick sucked by an intern," because, really, I could give a shit less about that (trust me, a 1.5 gallon toilet could handle the poop I'd shoot), but what I can't tolerate is another Democrat CHEATING his party, like Al Gore was about to do.  Democrats, come home.  Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and any other "moderate," go away.

Oh, and you kids signing up for college, give it up now: you might drink lots of beer and play the "rebel," but you all know you're going to make a lot of cash from the corporations you currently despise.  With rare exception (and there are definitely some noted exceptions), that's your goal, no matter how much you pretend you have some sense of integrity.  In response to all of your lame excuses you'll use to try and justify your attending college, I have this to say, a corporate piece of processed beef uses the expression a lot:  "bite me!"  

Email Alex Make sure it's grammatically correct or it may be forwarded to your professor and fuck up your career.

2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, I'll put your name on a MasterCard and send you the bill!

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