Mayor McCheese Comes Out
12:37 A.M. April 30th, 1997
Alex Sandell

Following Ellen DeGeneres's lead, Mayor McCheese came out of the closet late yesterday evening, revealing his homosexuality. "Ellen opened the door for a lot of other celebrities, I just decided to walk through it," the mayor said in a prepared speech given to the citizens of McDonald Land. The Mayor shocked a lot of his supporters by admitting to chasing the Hamburgler for more than just his crimes. "Whenever he says 'Rubble Rubble,'" said the mayor, "I just melt."

McDonald's has already had to adjust to quite a few shocks and changes lately, with Ronald McDonald dying, and Bob Dole taking his place. "The public hasn't really warmed up to Bob as their new Ronald, yet." Said a disappointed Grimace, in a public statement made in early April. Ronald's brother, Rafiki McDonald, shared Grimace's sentiment, "Bob may be a good clown, but he's no Ronald."

So far, no one has expressed any public opinions on how the Mayor's announcement will affect McDonald's. The Mayor had the nerve to conclude his speech by asking for acceptance with a witty metaphor, "if you think about it," said McCheese, "McDonald's has profited for years, one piece of meat, between a couple of buns, at a time."

-Juicy Cerebellum Press Syndicate

1997 Alex Sandell If you wanna copy it, you have too much time on your hands, anyway.

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