What the GILLIGAN'S ISLAND theme song really means

Most of us have heard the famous theme song to the Gilligan's Island television show hundreds of times, but did any of us ever stop to think what the song really means? Did we ever take the time to notice that, hidden deep inside those seemingly "trite" lyrics, contained the key to unlocking, and saving your soul? No.

A few weeks ago, I was sent a letter, via email, from the address God@Heaven.com (don't try to send anything to this address, God doesn't take incoming messages.) The letter explained the true meaning behind the Gilligan's Island theme song. Since I have now been crowned as the God of the new Millenium, I decided I would be kind enough to share the message behind the catchy tune.

"Sit right back, and you'll hear a tale."

Well, this one's so easy, there's really no reason to explain it. With this line, the angels who wrote the song obviously meant, "jump off a ship, and your soul will be saved."

"A tale of a fateful trip."

This one confirms what the last line just stated. It's a "fateful" trip. Why? Because, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE ON IT!

"That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship."

By calling the ship "tiny," the angels were trying to help us understand that, "it's not the size of your ship, it's how you use it."

"The mate was a mighty sailor-man,"

This line is simply stating that every female in my cult, over the age of 18, should make love, or "mate," with me.

"The skipper brave and true."

This means that "skipping" out on Momentum of Gilligan day, would not be "brave or true." It's also a reminder that old people having sex is really gross.

Then there's some lines that God said weren't important (plus, I forgot them), and then it says:

"The weather started getting rough,"

The "weather" started getting rough. This is a warning to the loyal followers of Gilligan, that naive people will try to sway us from our plan. They'll try to take us away from an eternity of ecstasy on Gilligan's Island.

"The tiny ship was tossed,"

This just means that you might "toss" your cookies, especially if you're easily seasick.

"If not for the courage of the fearless crew,"

"Fearless" - it explains itself.

"the minnow would be lost."

If we are not "fearless," the S.S. Messiah will be lost.

Then the boat lands on some uncharted desert isle, and all these people run around, and we all pretend to think Ginger is sexy, just because we think we're 'sposed to, and I get really depressed, cuz I'm thinking about my ex-fiancée, and I just stop writing this update, before even finishing it.

The End
(hey, I'm God, I can be anti-climatic if I want to.)

All written material ©1997 God (or Alex Sandell, which is the name my mortal shell was given) [All Rights Reserved]. Copying this, without permission from God would be grounds for eternal damnation.