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More On Movies:
The Last Word On Film Is Juicy!
Written by: Alex Sandell, who thinks he's sooooo clever for coming up with that "more on" play on words (more on = moron, get it? "Moron Movies?!?")
As most of you who read this page, or don't live in a hole, know, entertainment, particularly movies and video games have been called to task for their "part" in the Columbine shootings (and other, less "media-friendly" firings). The Director's Guild of America has decided to take up arms against these politicians, and other various morons who are basically accusing filmmakers of being guilty, before proven innocent. Calling the harsh reaction to current events "Government intrusion," President of the Director's Guild, Jack Shea, claims that "First Amendment rights of filmmakers are as threatened now as during the 1950s era of anti-Communist blacklisting." I can't say I disagree with him, there, even though he does make a lot more money than me. Guild directors who are subpoenaed by government agencies will receive guild support and legal representation. This will most likely be needed next time some dicksmack like Eric Harris decides to gun down a school, and the rest of the world blames the movies he watched.
While on the "rebelling against unjust censorship" issue, two upcoming movies are doing just that. The first is the full-length animated feature, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut which is, obviously, the movie version of the adorable TV show. The film takes jabs at the MPAA, the V Chip (Bill Clinton's fucked up "let's make TV safe for our children because we're too busy having our dick sucked to babysit" idea) and freedom of speech, in general. I would recommend ANYONE that is reading this walk into a theater and see the film. The advertising campaign is next to nothing (in the "wake of the Columbine Tragedy," advertising South Park is "evil") and I fear the damn thing will wind up being nothing more than a "almost-made-it-on-the-big-screen" video in a few months. The other film is called Drop Dead Gorgeous, and debuts July 23rd. A bunch of teens are killed in strange ways, and those ways include the almighty bullet. I may be a bit biased, since I'm from Minnesota, and the film was shot (hehe, I said "shot") there, but I think the movie is definitely worth a viewing. It's not perfect, I felt it was holding back the whole time, but it's a "worthy" film, whatever that is. Just see it. Let America know that bullets in teenagers still can be funny, if done right.
Speaking of "doing right," comedian/actor, David Spade definitely didn't. Claiming in Playboy that his semi-okay show, Just Shoot Me, tries to "fag [him] up," and, "after [he] gets too faggy, they have him make out with a chick," the gayboy alliance, GLAAD (Gays Love Assholes And Dick) took offense and demanded an apology. Spade wasn't too eager to give one. His publicist said that he was just trying to be "funny." My take on the whole mess is this: whether you're gay or straight, it's fine, if you can't take a joke, you're fucked.
Speaking of white-guys, Stanley Kubrick, one of film's last "perfect" directors, caused a few "perfect" bodies to shed some tears. I guess Tom and Nicole couldn't help misting up when they talked about him. Tom Cruise supposedly developed an ulcer over the intensity of making the film. I'm guessing Nicole Kidman's acidic pussy was the cause. Either way, Kubrick's loss was a great one, and I look forward to his last film (Eyes Wide Shut) more than any other this summer.
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©1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Copy this, without my permission, and I'll puke in your popcorn bucket and make you wear it as a hat!
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