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More On Movies:
The Last Word On Film Is Juicy!
Written by:  Alex Sandell, who thinks he's sooooo clever for coming up with that "more on" play on words (more on = moron, get it?  "Moron Movies?!?")
6/30/99

Spike Lee is busy whining to the media, again.  This time he's bitching about how "unfairly" he's been treated for creating a movie, Summer of Sam, based on a real life tragedy (the "Son Of Sam" killings).  On the Today show yesterday morning Spike rambled on and on about how he's not the first one to make a movie based on a true story where people were killed and their losses were mourned.  He also said that the movie isn't really about David Berkowitz and his victims, anyway - it's about a crazy New York summer in 1977 which David just played a part in.  I saw the movie last night, and can tell you, Lee ain't lying.  This film has been marketed as a movie about a serial killer.  In reality it's just a movie featuring 2 hours and 15 minutes of really, really boring junk, and about 10 minutes with the psycho and his bloodied victims.   Spike better enjoy the attention while he's got it, because with shit this stinky, no one is going to want to enter his "joint" again.  At least 20% of the theater got up and left before the movie was over.  Not because they were appalled over the violence (it's not nearly as violent as the media has led people to believe it would be), but simply because they were bored out of their minds.  Pass on this one.   I have plenty to say about what a trash heap this film was.  I'll put my full review up Friday, when the movie's released across the country, and make sure to say it.   It should be a blast tearing into this thing.

Speaking of tearing into things, those nutty guys behind the South Park movie (which opened today) must have ripped the MPAA about 17 new assholes by now.  Besides claiming they're "confused" idiots, with no set of rating guidelines, cutting something out of one movie, and leaving it in another, (which I've noticed, myself.  Example:  Watch how much gore is CUT from Friday the 13th VII:  The New Blood and then pay attention to how much gore is left IN Saving Private Ryan.  Can anyone say "biased?"), they have gotten away with an "R" rating on a film that looks as though it should have received the dreaded "NC-17" (dreaded because the majority of newspapers and television stations won't advertise it, tons of movie theaters refuse to play it, and CockThruster Video, aka:  Blockbuster, refuses to rent it) due to all of the violence, vulgarity and grotesque jokes.  Some dildo who takes things way too seriously at the New York Post wrote, in yesterday's paper, "The prospect that actual children will get into South Park and emulate the foul-mouthed Kyle, Cartman and Stan is as certain as it is revolting. But even if no one under 17 sees the picture, it's still troubling, even as an adults-only comedy. As with the comparatively harmless Big Daddy, the comic premise of South Park is based on the hilarity ensuing from the corruption of children." Sounds good to me!  I haven't seen it yet, but I already give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!  Let's all head to the theater and watch it today!!!

While we're busy watching stuff, let's not forget to mourn the other stuff we'll be missing.  That would be 65 additional seconds of Stanley Kubrick's EAGERLY awaited (at least by me) movie, Eyes Wide Shut.   That 65 seconds is the climax of an orgy scene (mmm . . . oooorgieees).  I guess that, before dying, Kubrick (trying to avoid that aforementioned "NC-17" rating) also agreed to have digital "objects" added throughout the film to block us from seeing certain body parts which may remind us that we can do "naughty" things with our bodies, too.  What is this?  An Austin Powers' film?  I hear England gets to see the entire movie, with nothing censored or digitally altered.  Extra plane ticket, anyone?

This was yet another preview of what you get if you sign up to the "More On Movies" newsletter.  This is, as you may have guessed, Wednesday's mailing.  No, you're not signed up, even if you are on the regular Juicy Cerebellum mailing-list.  Sign up for the daily "More On Movies" newsletter by sending an email to alex@juicycerebellum.com stating, "Midgets Love Movies!!!"  Be the first to get all the movie news, AS IT HAPPENS!  Don't forget to check the regular (slightly psychotic, totally insane) updates at www.juicycerebellum.com!    

If you have any tips about upcoming movie releases, behind the scenes events, or just anything about movies, in general, send them to alex@juicycerebellum.com.Trust me, I'll ask you to back this stuff up, so don't just make junk up and send it in.   Well, you can, but if you do, make sure to tell me it's made up!  Yes, I will keep ALL your personal information confidential.

If you want to comment on "More On Movies" write to, you guessed it, alex@juicycerebellum.com

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1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].   Copy this, without my permission, and I'll puke in your popcorn bucket and make you wear it as a hat!  

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