Prince Rapture:  Written by Alex Sandell

Part 6:  Prince Gets Me High, Corporate Slaves, Britney's Breasts, and 10,000 Orgasms:

I've been on a high from this concert for over two weeks.  I intended to write this article the night of the show.  Instead, I've been juggling everything I witnessed over and over again, for the past 15 days. 

The concert begins with an excellent rendition of "Musicology," off of Prince's 2004 album of the same title.  It sets the mood, and lets you know that Prince means business when he says that he's doing this tour to teach the younger generations, raised on lip-synched corporate slaves such as Britney Spears and Hillary Duff, that LIVE music is where it's at.  Robotic tracks with talentless tunes that people can break their knees and cancel tours to, isn't worth it.

Ten years ago, people woulda sprinted out of a Britney Spears lip-synch fest, when they realized that she wasn't actually singing.  What are these kids paying for, when they purchase a ticket to one of her shows?  Admittedly, she does offer the crowd a nice pair of fake tits, but you can see dozens of those in any given copy of Playboy, for $60.00 less than a ticket to Britney will cost ya. 

Back in the day, when someone exposed the fact that Janet Jackson was lip-synching; ticket sales for her tour dropped like her boobs, before she had them enlarged, augmented and shown on TV.  What the hell has happened to "musicians?"  Some of y'all need to wake up! 

Nowadays, all you have to do to see your favorite "singer" live is look at an issue of Playboy, while listening to one of their discs, and jerk yourself off.  It'll save you a shitload of money.  Plus, you can't jerk yourself off in an auditorium, without getting arrested.  Yet another reason to avoid fake bands, fake boobs, and artificial amusement.

During the Musicology tour, even the FANS are expected to genuinely sing.  Prince pokes fun at the audience when they aren't singing along, or are pulling a Britney and mouthing the words.  "You know I hate lip-synching" he says.  The audience reacts immediately, singing (and yelling and clapping and screaming and cumming) so loud, your eardrums will crumble. 

After singing Musicology, Prince moves his way into a medley of his greatest hits, including Let's Go Crazy, I Would Die 4 U, When Doves Cry, and Baby I'm A Star.  I also heard a few instrumental sections of 1999, but the static giant next to me asked me not to "dance so hard," so I got intimidated, and started doubting myself.  By the end, even though he could smash me, I told him to work his body like a whore.

When Prince spit, "Dearly Beloved" into the microphone, I finally got to hear the sound of 10,000 women having an orgasm simultaneously.  It was pretty arousing.  I kept dancing, despite the gigantic monster of a cynical man next to me.  I felt somewhat sorry for him, being inflicted with a seven foot frame and having to attend the concert alone.  I bet he had a teeny, tiny pecker.  I hated that guy.

When the concert really kicked in, was with the extended version of 1999's D.M.S.R, flowing back and forth between Controversy.  This is where The New Power Generation got to show its stuff.  It's also the first time my female companion began to dance.  She danced sorta like Elaine on Seinfeld, but, as long as she was off her ass and digging the funk, it's all fine with me.  She probably did better than my bizarre headbanger/punk/funk dance combination. 

What a band Prince has!  He's recruited the best of the best and ignored the rest.  The standout is  John Blackwell -- I've never seen a drummer this good.  This guy knows how to work the skins.  I don't think I'll EVER hear a better drummer.  The audience went almost as wild for his crazy drum solos as they did for Prince's silky smooth voice, and wonderful songs. 

 John pounds, he throbs, he is the definition of funk and rock and roll.  I never knew drumming until I knew John Blackwell.  Candy Dulfer can out-sax nearly almost any saxophonist.  Her talent, as much as her body, turned me on.  Maceo Parker can play the horns like a hooker can lick a cock.  He's seductive and he's been around the block.  With Candy, Maceo and John, Prince is truly a blessed man.  He obviously knows how to pick 'em. 

During D.M.S.R., Prince pulled a hefty member out of the audience.  She did the Midwest proud, with her McDonald's ass, and received a lot of applause from plenty of her fellow saturated Minnesotans.  Prince was kind to her and she received a nice smile from the star, along with a happy snap and the time of her life. 

But Just when Prince had given everyone in the audience the time of their life, he surprised them with even more...

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