Prince Rapture:  Written by Alex Sandell

Part 7:  Little Red McNugget Burning Machine:

After causing everyone in the audience to dance their McDonald's asses off (any1 else hear about the toad found in McDonald's food?) and drip sweat like porn stars, Prince left the stage.  His keyboardist stayed on.  Being in the 10th row of the first balcony (IE - great fucking seats), I craved my camera like a junkie craves a fix.  Or like a gamer craves Halo 2 or Resident Evil 4. 

Prince arrives back on the stage, sitting down, with an acoustic guitar --- causing the audience to scream, chant, and worship the man.  All dressed in red, the artist worked his way through an acoustic set that would make the producers of MTV Unplugged weep with jealousy, cry in agony, and shoot Britney Spears, in anger. A set more entertaining than the entirety of nearly every concert I've attended -- and it's only a third of Prince's show. 

When he played a few unrecognizable riffs that led into the best version of Little Red Corvette ever performed, I nearly pissed myself.  I did jump up and say "yay!"  Then I said "yeah!"  Little Red Corvette has never been one of my favorites.  Prince, with nothing but a silky voice and acoustic guitar, turned it into a highpoint of the concert.

Next was an acoustic version of Cream.  The reason that nearly everyone that's ever attended the Musicology tour is saying it's the best thing they've ever seen, is because the Minnesota native makes EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the audience feel like he's talking directly to them. 

When he stopped the song to let the crowd know that he wrote "Cream" while looking in the mirror, the crowd laughed.  Why?  Because all 20,000 of them felt as though this was a little secret Prince shared with them, and them alone.  The fact that he can do this effectively is proof that he is truly the Savior of live entertainment. 

Prince moved from a remake that I've never heard into Raspberry Beret.  The audience went nuts.  It didn't hurt that he added a little guitar from Jailhouse Rock.  Suddenly, I imagined all those Chubby Checker chicks at Holiday Inn shaking their goofy booties, until their undergarments was all sweaty.

After Raspberry, Prince put on a one-man comedy show.  I'm not going to blow it for you, but it was about telemarketers, bill collectors and Prince pretending not to be home.  It went over like the first Pokemon movie in his home state (I've read that it fell flat in other states, where they don't get the MinnesOta accent).  We lapped this shit up, laughed at ourselves and knew Prince -- no matter where he currently lived -- will always be a Minnesotan.

The way he laughed back at our laughter all but proved that Prince knew that this Midwestern state would always be where his heart is, no matter where he sits his ass at.

Stupid California.

Next was I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man.  For some reason, I don't remember this song being played.  I only remember my friend raving about how great it was.  I also remember the audience screaming for the hit.  I just don't remember Prince playing it.  Sometimes I hate brain atrophy.

No matter how retarded I get, thanks to passionless neurologists, I could never forget the acoustic Alphabet St.  Alphabet is my favorite Prince song, and the acoustic version does not disappoint (especially when Prince fills it full of jokes and alt. lyrics).  I hope he plays this number after I'm brain-dead, while my family is busy suing all the neurological overachievers for everything they're worth.

Prince moved into On the Couch.  I've never, ever, ever, heard women scream like they did when Prince said he wants to "go down south."  Suddenly I found myself wondering what woulda happened had he ripped out a nasty song such as "Head" or "Sister."  I'll admit that, although the concert was the best I've witnessed, I do miss the dirty Prince. 

The Acoustic Prince moved into 7.  I don't know why, but I went mentally insane.  I fucking love this song.  It made me even more mental when the band returned to the stage, halfway through the tune...

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