Spray of the Day:
Totally Juicy News
1/3/01

Politics

Bush meeting up with a few dozen of the nation's biggest corporate whores:
President-Elect, George W. Bush, has set up a two-day economic conference, down in Texas, with a few dozen of the country's biggest corporate greed-mongers.  Head bastards from General Electric, Wal-Mart, Boeing, Home Depot, Forbes Magazine, Dell Computers, and numerous other corporate plops of fleshy vomit will be there to tell Bush exactly what he wants to hear.  Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, who did not tell Bush what he wanted to hear, when they met last month, was not invited to the conference.  Presumably, Bush will bring America one step closer to a recession by becoming even more pessimistic about the economy, in an attempt to get his 1.3 trillion dollar tax cut for the wealthy passed.  In laymen terms:  Bush wants to destroy the economy, so he can look like a hero when he comes in to save it.     
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Bush planning to tear into what's left of America's natural resources :
In a move fitting of George W. Bush, his nomination, made yesterday, for energy secretary was Senator Spencer Abraham, a man who, during his one-term as Senator, co-sponsored legislation to eliminate the Energy Department, the very department he has now been nominated to lead.  Hmm.  Bush said that he looks forward to drilling all over the place to find oil in America.  First stop?  You guessed it . . . Alaska.  Not a word was mentioned in Bush's press conference about implementing alternative sources of energy, rather than fucking up our environment even further with oil and gas.   
-Alex Sandell, Editor

107th Congress meets for the first time today, Hillary gets the runs:
This is the bipartisan senate that we've been hearing about.  It's also the 50/50 Senate, with the 50 Republicans having a slight edge over the 50 Democrats because of Vice President-Elect Cheney's position as "tie-breaker."  Senator Hillary Clinton, previously claimed that she wanted no "preferential" treatment, but is already getting it by being the first Senator to be sworn in, although she is the 97th (out of 100) in seniority.  Hillary has also tried the Senate cafeteria's famous bean soup, and called it "delicious."   Insiders say that, just over an hour later, Senator Clinton was heard saying, "damn, that crap gave me the shits," through a nearly deafening bout of bad gas.
-Alex Sandell, Editor

John McCain about to be thorn in Bush's side :
On the eve of the 107th Congress, Republican Senator John McCain has risked alienating his own party by vowing to introduce a campaign finance reform bill "as soon as possible."   This doesn't sit well with George W. Bush, who loves sucking up campaign contributions from huge corporations (the ones he's meeting with today, actually), in exchange for doing them favors.  McCain thinks that his bill can pass, even though the majority of Republicans are opposed to it, due to the fact that the majority of Democrats strongly support the bill.   
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Corporate Watch (Business):

Microsoft adding a pinch of racism to its monopolizing mix?:
Seven current and former black employees of Microsoft are suing the software giant for 5 billion dollars, charging the nefarious corporation with discriminatory employment practices under the 1964 Civil Rights Act.  This follows a long line of lawsuits brought by African-Americans against the company, including a lawsuit brought against Microsoft by a high ranking black executive, who's suing for 10 million dollars.  Being that the seven seeking 5 billion are doing so in a class action lawsuit, and President-elect Bush's administration wants class action lawsuits to become a thing of the past (this is one of those favors he does in exchange for campaign contributions, that I spoke of earlier), I hope the case goes through fast and a verdict comes quick, with a big, messy defeat for Microsoft.  Just when you think they can't get any worse, the company turns out to be racist?!?  How many times can Microsoft cross the line before Microsoft is a corporation no more? 
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Bush meeting up with a few dozen of the nation's biggest corporate whores:
(article also printed in today's "Politics" section)
President-Elect, George W. Bush, has set up a two-day economic conference, down in Texas, with a few dozen of the country's biggest corporate greed-mongers.  Head bastards from General Electric, Wal-Mart, Boeing, Home Depot, Forbes Magazine, Dell Computers, and numerous other corporate plops of fleshy vomit will be there to tell Bush exactly what he wants to hear.  Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, who did not tell Bush what he wanted to hear, when they met last month, was not invited to the conference.  Presumably, Bush will bring America one step closer to a recession by becoming even more pessimistic about the economy, in an attempt to get his 1.3 trillion dollar tax cut for the wealthy passed.  In laymen terms:  Bush wants to destroy the economy, so he can look like a hero when he comes in to save it.     
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Health

Staying up until 8 AM typing "Spray of the Day" probably isn't healthy:  
I really need some sleep.  

Entertainment

I'll add something to this section tomorrow:
I'm too tired to write anything tonight.
-Alex Sandell, Editor

SCIENCE
Ben (Science Correspondent) is skiing in Montana:
He should have something new written when he returns Friday, if he doesn't pull a Sonny Bono when he's gone.
-Alex Sandell

World
Sariel (World Correspondent) has gotten totally lazy:
Three days in a row I've asked Mr. Lehyani if he has anything new typed up for the Spray of the Day, but he has avoided the question, and has not sent anything in.  I'll give him another day or two, but if he can't be responsible enough to get something to me every so often, he shouldn't have volunteered for the job, and I'll need to find somebody a bit more dedicated.  If you're interested, send in your submissions.
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Weather

I have no idea - I haven't been outside:
Sorry.
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Horoscope
This segment is coming as soon as I find a self-deprecating astrologer with a good sense of humor.  
-Alex Sandell, Editor

Email me about the sixth issue of "Spray of the Day: Totally Juicy Headlines"! (And this time, actually do it.) Write about the news.  Write about the update.  Just write!  If people are interested in this, I'm going to put up a new message board to discuss the issues and I just may keep this up for a long time (like my penis during sex)!  (Oh, and if anyone is interested in doing a headline type graphic for it, get in touch.)

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