Alex Sandell (otherwise known as, "The
You Know You Have a Problem With The Juicy Cerebellum When . . .
*You find the author's number and call him up continually, claiming he is your best friend, and that if he hangs up on you you are going to be without hope and kill yourself. A month later, when you get the phonebill, you go completely nuts and threaten to sue him for the $500.00 in long-distance he "stole" from you.
*You keep calling on a daily basis after threatening to sue the author for the long-distance he "stole" from you and threaten that if he hangs up, you are going to sue him for the current call, too.
*You send death threats to the author because he will no longer take your calls after you threatened to sue him for "stealing" your long-distance. Each threat includes your return address and first and last name.
*"The Profound Thought of the Day" actually starts seeming profound.
*You spend over $2,000.00 to fly all the way from another country to spend a week with the author, and once you've met him you want to do nothing but sit in the house all night and "catch up" on old updates he's written - because, in your country, you have to pay to use the Internet, and this will save you lots of money.
*You send the author 74 emails in one night telling him that you hate him, that you hope he burns in Hell, that his page sucks and that if he responds to any of it, you'll report him for "harassment". Two days later you write asking why he hasn't responded.
*You now yell out, "let's get JUICY!" every night before having sex.
*You show up on the author's doorstep at 3:30 in the morning only to find out he doesn't live there and you've actually just awakened his grandmother. You then spend the next 10 minutes begging to spend time with her because you're "lonely". When she declines, you pound on her windows until she calls the cops and you are forced to leave. Three days later you show up on her doorstep and ask if she can think of "one good reason" for not giving out the author's real address.
*Every time you see a midget you have an overwhelming urge to send off email to everyone saying, "hey, some of my bestfriends are midgets!"
*You want to be included so badly that you call up all of your friends and ask them to check out the parts of this update that are about you.
©1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. As you can see, I have a lot of whackos for backup.
Back to the table of brains 1998
Back to the mind-map.