Written by: Alex Sandell

President Clinton not returning my calls.

Thumb prints in my hamburger bun.

Running out of "Wet Ones" in the middle of wiping.

Drunk drivers who live.

Canned Ravioli

That book Jenny McCarthy put out that I stole, cuz the cover started turning me on.

Jenny McCarthy.

Wet farts on a first date.

E.T. is really a puppet.

The Ewoks are really just midgets.

Newt Gingrich is really a man.

Having to pretend I'm just as interested in gross ugly people with nothing to say as I am in sexy hot ones who never shut up.

Sex toys that come in a plastic bag that isn't sealed.

Feminists with big tits.

When people won't admit that they've stuck their finger up their butt, at least once, to see what it feels like.

Handguns are still legal.

Wal-Mart still sells them.

You can't use them on "greeters."

I always wake up right before my dream becomes wet.

The fat black chick who claims she's a psychic.

People who got all upset over the use of the words "fat" "black" and "chick" in the last sentence.

The fact that I'll never have the chance to get an abortion.

Chicken McNuggets with bones.

Old people who pretend that they're young.

Young people who pretend that they're old.

Winona Ryder.

Rich people who take up like 10 parking spaces to insure that their $50,000 car won't get "scratched," "dinged," or "looked at the wrong way."

Alarms the rich people set up to go off when I'm keying their $50,000 car that is taking up like 10 parking spaces to insure that it won't get "scratched," "dinged," or "looked at the wrong way."

Winona Ryder. (Hey, this isn't the first time that she's pissed me off.)

People who wear sunglasses indoors.

All of those people getting free entertainment from this page, when they can afford to pay something for it. Maybe they forgot about the endnote written on 6/19/98.

People that don't click the link to the endnote written on 6/19/98, that I so graciously put above.

Alex Sandell
P.O. Box 331
Alexandria, MN 56308

People who can't take a hint. ;)

When I can't resist using a "smiley" face to end an update.

There, I resisted.

1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved] If you copy this, you'll be on my "pissed list." Another thing that really pisses me off is predictable copyright notices. Let me try this again. If you copy this, without permission from the author, you'll be damned to an existence of annoying smiley faces and watered-down beer. (I have no idea where that "watered-down beer" thing came from.)

Urinating letters above created by Amanda T. and Alex Sandell. I can write my own last name, because I know I won't sue me.

Back to the table of brains 1998

Back to the mind-map.

That yellow is really ugly.