Special "everyone's entitled to their own opinion,
even if it does suck*"

update to the:
Letters to the Webmaster
Section of The Juicy Cerebellum

*To avoid any confusion; not everyone who has a letter in this update has an opinion that sucks.

Dear Webmaster-
The Just the Facts article is my favorite update that you've done.  I already knew some of the information, but I did learn a couple of things from it.  I'm all for being further educated.  The thing that upsets me about this great update is that most of the people who visit your page are probably just staring blankly at it.  I think that update will be lost on most of your readers.  Oh well.  I'm sure there's a few that will understand it and either like it or hate it.  As for me, I loved it. Good work.
-Josh

Hey, I had to start with a positive one. It lightens the mood.

Dear Webmaster-
Satirical or not, something doesn't sit right about an agnostic using "God chooses who dies and who doesn't" as an argument against the death penalty.
-Mara

Something doesn't sit right about a human killing another human to show that killing a human is wrong, either. I never said I don't believe in Christ, as a person (there was a man named "Jesus Christ" who went around preaching, prior to the time the Bible was written. Maybe he was a time-traveler, from the year 3,032, playing an elaborate hoax. Maybe he was a nut. Maybe he was the Son of God. How can anyone be certain?). As an agnostic, all I claim to know is that I don't know what, if anything, happens after a person dies (with exception to the fact that they smell really bad). Nobody does. Not even the dead people (unless there is a life after death), or all those know-it-all Christians and Atheists who are always spitting venom at one-another.  

Dear Webmaster-
I figured some people would quit going to your site after the update where you claimed to be jesus and the one where you had the differences between atheists and Christians.  But your interview with Christ is a work of art.
-Filth Punk

And sent people scrambling wildly for proof that I'm somehow wrong. I even had a bunch of people looking for quotes from the scriptures, which would contradict the quotes I used in the interview. They didn't do a very good job. See the next letter, for example.

Dear Webmaster-
let me get this straight....you believe in some god, yet dont believe in the words he said? so, like those you condemn, you twist "his" words to fit your meanings, your needs?  if god didn't believe in punishment, explain the plagues described in the bible or jesus on a cross. what twist of faith are you unraveling?
-Rose M. Bet

Boy, are you a fucking moron, when it comes to this issue.  I twisted NO words.  I quoted my quotes directly from The Bible. The Bible is FULL of Jesus saying to his fellow man, that they have NO right to decide who lives and dies, and that God will choose the punishment, after death.  And God will choose when to "take" these people.  Jesus preaches AGAINST the death penalty at least 50 times, in The New Testament.  He even discredits what The Old Testament says (I.E. "an eye for an eye").  You don't have to have an IQ of more than 20, to know Christ was against "Capital Punishment."  

About your "explain Jesus on a cross" thing.  What are you thinking???  The Romans were the persecutors, Jesus was wrongly EXECUTED.  The Bible ends showing Christ being killed, unjustly, by a society of crazed dweebs.  How much more clearly do you need it spelled out?   

Obviously you're totally turned on by mass-murdering people; most likely because mommy and daddy told you this is the "only" way.  That's your choice.  I do not think murder is justified, in ANY scenario.  That is MY choice. 

Dear Webmaster-
Hey, nice response in the last letters update to the death penalty question.  You really showed all theassholes out there who can't make an intelligent argument.
-K.K.

I just included this email as a sidenote, to point out that "K.K." is referring to the response I gave "Rose M. Bet" (see previous letter) the last time she emailed me, defending her right to drool over the thought of the "bad guys" getting turned into toast.

Dear Webmaster-
I just got caught up on your site updates. LOL! I thought the interview with Jesus was hilarious. I really liked your use of scripture. I can tell you attended Sunday school as a child. I never knew the whole story about Gilligan's Island before. I was stunned to learn about their blessed status. You have quite the imagination. You are also one hell of an interviewer. I would really enjoy reading an interview with Bill Gates if you could swing it.
-Heather

Odd you should mention that. I've got one scheduled for next month.

Dear Webmaster-
Nice site indeed!  I loved the JC interview about the death penalty--too many crackheads trying to kill everyone off these days.  It was well-put and quite funny.  Great job!
-Comrade

Actually, I think there's too many citizens trying to kill off "crackheads," these days.  

Dear Webmaster-
I am thoroughly impressed with your ability to see beyond the smoke and mirrors to the bovine defecation underneath. What truly amazes me though, is that even with your perception and intelligence, you only get part of it.
-Jeff

Yeah, just the part that is real.

Dear Webmaster-
I was in the hospital, so this is my first time at your page in a long while. The genius is still there.  A lot of it seems a little more political, but nonetheless needs to be stood upon.   Especially that "
It's not my America" update.   THAT IS FUCKED!
-Troy

When you said "FUCKED!" I got a little horny. Are you a girl? That would be cool to date a girl named "Troy."   

Dear Webmaster-
The Juicy Cerebellum has been saved! *Republican Party drops dead of a heart attack*
-Frog

Hey, isn't that the point?

Dear Webmaster-
I can sympathize with you about the scam that is known as insurance.  My best friend's daughter has sickle cell disease.  The cost for her medications is outrageous!  I hope that you will continue to write about the issue, and I hope that you will forward your stuff to your local, state and federal government representatives.  I'm a big believer in writing your congressman. At least they're doing something when they're reading the mail.
-Angela

I've written approximately 200 letters (some duplicates) to the The President, The President's Staff, The Speaker of the House, Senators, Congressmen, and Governors. I've went as far as to call the White House about 15 times trying to get Bill Clinton on the line. (Here's a tip: don't ask for "Bill." They get really mad.)  I've been promised that his "staff" will get back to me within "a few days."  The last time I called was about 35 days ago, and I've gotten back nothing.  The only thing writing letters to the Government seems to do, is give it another reason to buy some more $1,000.00 garbage cans.

Dear Webmaster-
I've been to your site a few times, laughed pretty hard, read some embarrassing things that you relayed that I could sort of relate with...I...think, and just read your 'Christians vs. Atheists' section.  I guess you make alot of 'blanket' or stereotypical statements on your site, but I felt compelled for some reason to comment on the Atheists vs. Christians debate.  I consider myself a skeptical atheist, meaning that I'm not too eager to believe things that lack evidence, but definitely would change my beliefs if evidence did arise to support a claim (i.e. a superior being, such as a space unicorn, coming down to me and zapping me with a bolt of lightning that came from his magical horn, then telling me to change my ways or I'd be *really* sorry).  I guess what I'm trying to say is that not all (perhaps only a few, perhaps a lot of) Christians and atheists feel the way you relayed on your Christians vs. Atheists section.  I try really hard not to place labels on myself (or others), and take a lot of shit in school for what I believe (I attend a Catholic high school), but I just want you to know that there are atheists and Christians (maybe) out there who seek an individual stance on life.
-Tom Reese

First of all, you took that update waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously; I am aware of, and agree with what you're saying, in regards to the "not all Christians and Atheists" feel "that" way, comment. Second of all, you're from a Catholic School, and are scaring me. Third of all, how many "numbers" go into "all?" Lastly . . . "a space unicorn?!?"  

Dear Webmaster-
Recently a friend of mine asked me to check out The Juicy Cerebellum and see what I think.  I know that your
interview with G.I.Jane is kinda old, so I don't know how many comments you have received on it, but I just wanted to tell you than I am a woman, and I was not offended or hurt in any way by your article.  I think you have a great page and I hope you keep it up.  Please don't think that tight ass feminists are all that are out there. So, I'll go for now, but I'll be looking for your new stuff.
-Stacey

"Tight ass," as in "jeez, whatta tight ass!" or tight ass as in "mmm . . . tiiiiiiiiight ass . . . *slurp*"?

Dear Webmaster-
now that is an awesome site....i laughed, i cried, i got hyped up and i stayed up way toooo late going through it.....it is nice to see someone defend the right to spam! The Juicy Cerebellum is what the net was designed to provide us all with..freedom of speech! i look forward to updates!
-Rott'n

And all those SPAMS, mentioning how you; Yes, YOU! Can get rich, too! (And visit lots of porno sites.)

Dear Webmaster-
Thank you for making me think.
-Kitty

Hey! Did you miss yesterday's (5/9/98) update to the Letters to the Webmaster section of The Juicy Cerebellum? Click here, to read it!

Hey! Reading other people's mail makes me feel all dirty inside, and I kinda like it. Send me to the Letter Archive or the Letter Archive II, or maybe even the Letter archive III, and I might wanna check out the Letter Archive IV. WOW!!! When I'm done with those, there's even MORE letters! Read what happened on 4/8/98 when the conservative, no-mind, Charles Lee Conservative, took on some Juicy letters! Or check out the idiocy which occurred on 4/9/98 when Bubba Dorkweiner answered "20" letters to the webmaster, without understanding 1 of them!

You got something important to say (or something completely stupid)? Send email to: alex@juicycerebellum.com

Back to the table of brains 1998

Back to the mind-map.


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