Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Mediocre Month of March

The Juicy Cerebellum celebrated its one-year anniversary this month, and can now smile, even when it's not ridding itself of gas. Hopefully by next year, it will be wearing training-diapers. Raising a child isn't easy. Especially one with an attitude.

Okay, now that I've proven I'm certifiable, we may as well move on to the thoughts. Enjoy them. If you don't find them profound, remember . . . they were only written by a one-year-old.

March 1st, 1998
If my brain was really in the gutter all this time, don’t you think someone would have stepped on it by now?

March 2nd, 1998
Since I wrote this yesterday, I wonder if that's kinda like false advertising.

March 3rd, 1998
I wish I could be a pharmacist, then I could be an asshole too!

March 4th, 1998
I am not your friend.

March 5th, 1998
If I were a midget, I'd wear KISS boots, and pretend I was tall.

March 6th, 1998
I took a whole bunch of sleeping pills this morning so I could finally fall asleep, but I woke up at 10:52 PM thinking, "wow, just one more of those pills, and I coulda slept forever." That was kinda cool.

March 8th, 1998
Fat naked people would look better if they weren't fat.

March 9th, 1998
I think it would be cool to win a 10-minute shopping-spree, and decide you don't want anything.

March 10th, 1998
If my head hurt any worse, I'd be female.

March 11th, 1998
Hackers are criminals without a face, name, or any sense of courage. (That means you "Kaczynski@unabomber.bom," you pathetic piece of cowardly shit.)

March 12th, 1998
If there's a God, he must be a Doctor, with the last name of Seuss.

March 13th, 1998
Do boring people put themselves to sleep?

March 14th, 1998
Anniversaries suck

March 18th, 1998
Seizures are nature's way of telling me to "shut the fuck up. Calm down already!"

March 19th, 1998
I remember when this one girl declared "it's either me, or your pet tarantula," and I chose the tarantula. I never lost much sleep over that decision.

March 20th, 1998
"The night of a gazillion laughs" left me feeling a little ripped-off.

March 21st, 1998
Immediately after a suicide, I'd rather be the dead person, than the one cleaning it up.

March 23rd, 1998
I betcha midgets shit out turds that our taller than them, on a regular basis.

March 24th, 1998
The Academy Awards would be better if Oscar had a penis.

March 26th, 1998
Collecting your pee in bottles can be a fun hobby.

March 29th, 1998
Seeing a pregnant lady burning leaves, while smoking a cigarette, got me to thinking, "humans really do still have a ways to go, before evolving up toward the intelligence level of a dog."

March 30th, 1998
If a penis could talk, I bet it would say "fuck" a lot.

To protect my one-year-old from kidnappers, I had my thoughts copyrighted. 1998, Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].

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