Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Jocose Month of July
(Or: Wow - an entire update that has nothing to do with "Saving Private Ryan"!)

July 1st, 1998
If you think about it; a big tall guy probably has a gigantic penis.

July 2nd, 1998
When I was a fetus, I used to fart in my mom's stomach, and she would think I was kicking. Other people would rush to feel it. I betcha they sure feel dumb.

July 3rd, 1998
If eyeballs were square, I bet they wouldn't be called "eyeballs," at all.

July 5th, 1998
I think it would have been cool if, instead of Lightsabers, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader would have fought with their nipples.

July 7th, 1998
If everyone in the world went to my site, I could say "everyone in the world has went to my site!" I betcha then people would think I was cool.

July 9th, 1998
If I was a doctor, I wonder if I would be a gigantic, arrogant, imbecilic, by-the-book idiot, too.

July 10th, 1998
Remember kids, Ronald McDonald says: "clogged arteries can be your friend!"

July 13th, 1998
Really, when you actually think about it, would knowing your shit be such a good thing?

July 14th, 1998
That would be funny if George Harrison, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr put out an album called "Bigger Than Jesus" and then killed themselves.

July 16th, 1998
A sore throat can feel really good if someone is shoving their tongue down it, and it's not really sore.

July 17th, 1998
A dog eating a baby doesn't make for good comedy.

July 18th, 1998
That would be funny if there was a "Dad's Against Drunk Driving" chapter. Only because they would be D.A.D.D..

July 20th, 1998
I looked up the word "excuse" in the dictionary, and found out it was defined as, "he got me drunk."

July 22nd, 1998
That would be funny if when you were born, the doctor mistook your penis for the umbilical cord, and cut it off. I betcha that would entitle you to a lifetime of free surgery!

July 24th, 1998
I'm embarrassed to admit that it wasn't until today, when I ventured into a small town, that I realized "The Stepford Wives" was based on a true story.

July 26th, 1998
I betcha a six-foot tall millipede could really get a person off.

July 27th, 1998
I wish I was an antique, so I could be worth lots of money.

July 29th, 1998
If this question was actually profound, wouldn't you be out saving the world, already?

July 30th, 1998
If you're you, than you're probably right.

July 31st, 1998
Horror movies would probably be scarier if Barney and a troop of Beanie Babies were the killers.

1998 Alex Sandell [all rights reserved] if anyone decides to make a copy of this, without my permission, I'll be compelled to keep writing "profound thoughts" as terrible as July 31st's.

Back to the table of brains 1998

Back to the mind-map.