Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Militant Month of March
Written by: Alex Sandell

March was too long ago for me to remember, so I can't write a funny, yet somehow annoying, intro., sorry.

March 1st, 1999
Pubic hair rubbing together is like an Ethiopian receiving food.

March 2nd, 1999
It's lucky Jesus was born twice, or the greeting card industry would have to spend a day or two without a holiday to exploit.

March 4th, 1999
Hockey would be better if it was "Jeopardy!".

March 8th, 1999
If Celebrities really die in threes, anyone reading this should feel insulted.

March 12th, 1999
It's odd our creator chooses to be "unlisted."

March 16th, 1999
Steven Spielberg would fuck a goat, if he'd get 10% of the profits.

March 17th, 1999
I wish I was an ant, so I could crawl up your vagina, and you'd just think that "something tickles".

March 19th, 1999
People that swallow swords for a living are kind of pathetic.

March 22nd, 1999
Hollywood would be better if it wasn't real, and everyone who lived there were only make-believe.

March 24th, 1999
If you have to pee really bad, and you hold it, you still have to pee really bad.

March 26th, 1999
Coffee wouldn't smell as bad if it was made with cremated people and urine.

March 29th, 1999
"Futurama" was better when they called it, "The Simpsons." (EDITOR'S NOTE TYPED IN REALLY BIG, CAPITAL LETTERS:  I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I WAS WRONG ABOUT "FUTURAMA" AND THAT IT IS A REALLY GOOD SHOW THAT I HAVEN'T MISSED AN EPISODE OF, YET.  IF THE GIRL WITH THE GREEN EYES IS READING THIS, I HAVE TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU PROMISED TO ONLY READ UPDATES THAT WERE AT LEAST TWO MONTHS OLD.  LIAR.)

March 31st, 1999
Two mountains right next to each other remind me of Madonna's boobs when they were in that pointy bra a while ago.  That was neat.

1999 Alex Sandell [all rights reserved]. Naked people would look better dressed.

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