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Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Almighty Month of May
Written by: Alex Sandell

May 4th, 1999
Cuff me, whip me, and call me "Jabba!"

May 6th, 1999
If a Priest goes limp in the middle of whacking off, is it Divine Intervention?

May 7th, 1999
It's lucky I have the Force, because that's all I'm gonna have left if I keep driving my friends nutty talking about nothing but Star Wars!

May 11th, 1999
I'm getting pretty fucking sick of this.

May 13th, 1999
That would be funny if someone killed Jon Lovitz.

May 14th, 1999
The bigger your balls are, the more chance there is that a woodtick will bite them.

May 18th, 1999
If a wet-fart had a name, it would be "Moviefone!"

May 19th, 1999
One time, when I thought I was Luke Skywalker, I tried to get my dad to let me use his car by using an old Jedi mindtrick.  It didn't work.

May 21st, 1999
It's odd how quickly one can forget the idealism of childhood and become enraptured by the shittiness of adulthood.

May 24th, 1999
If Mothers Against Drunk Driving had any marketing sense, they would have named their publication, "MADD Magazine," rather than "Driven."

May 28th, 1999
Next time you look at a graveyard, remember this:  most people lying dead did, at one time or another, smell their own farts out of enjoyment.

1999 Alex Sandell [all rights reserved].  And that's all I've got to say about that.

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