Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Madcap Month of May!
Written by:  Alex Sandell

May 6th, 2000
Sometimes, if you don't update for a long time, you probably haven't done many updates. 

May 9th, 2000
One time a stripper with hairy tits came up to me and I put a GILLETTE in her bikini, instead of a dollar. 

May 10th, 2000
I'm a gigantic freak. 

May 16th, 2000
So, if the NRA did a "march" for their cause, would it be the "Million Moron March?" 

May 18th, 2000
I wish I had a bigger bladder, so I wouldn't have to pee so much when I got drunk. 

May 22nd, 2000
Greg Brady has an Oedipus complex. 

May 24th, 2000
The living dead would be more lively if they were living. 

May 27th, 2000 # 1
Sometimes I wish that I was younger so I could fuck teenagers again. 

May 27th, 2000 # 2
"Buffy" withdrawal sucks.  I hate summer.

May 27th, 2000 # 3
I'm replete with vitriol.

May 28th, 2000 # 1
Some people have all the nerve . . . (they usually ejaculate prematurely).

May 28th, 2000 # 2
If God was such a good inventor, why didn't he make our poop smell better?

May 28th, 2000 # 3
Constellations just don't look as good in the day.

May 28th, 2000 # 4
If people only had one eye, glasses would be half price.

May 29th, 2000 # 1
Memorial Day must suck for people with Alzheimer's.

May 29th, 2000 # 2
That would be funny if they had little E.T. anal thermometers in doctor's offices, and, right when E.T. sticks it in, he would say, "I'll be riiiiiight here."

May 29th, 2000 # 3
I think we should have a "Forgetrial Day" where we try and forget all the lying alcoholics we've ever known, and the damage they've done to us.

May 30th, 2000 # 1
Considering the age of the average contestant, I think a "Strip Scrabble" tournament would probably be pretty gross.

May 30th, 2000 # 2
Humans are gross when they turn into aliens and eat people.

May 31st, 2000 # 1
If people had gills, I bet you there'd be other people with a gill fetish.

May 31st, 2000 # 2
If a woman is offended by the word "bitch," I think men have an obligation to use an alternative, such as "cunt" or "whore."  Itís only polite.

©2000 Alex Sandell [all rights reserved]. You may not copy this without my permission.  Copying this without my express permission will damn you to a life of Strip Scrabble and Bingo orgies with the elderly.

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