Profound Question/Thought of the Day for the Month of August

Well, another month down, thirty days closer to death. I've been thinking about it, and realized that it doesn't really turn me on to wear a glow-in-the-dark condom. Ribbed? I don't know, they kinda look funny. I like pizza. I eat a lot of it. Have you ever tried veggie burgers? They actually taste okay, but they make your farts smell. The jolly green giant must be a real stinky mother-fucker.

August 1st, 1997
Would keeping a chart of your bowel-movements, for a girl you graduated from high school with, who's now your doctor, seem a little bit odd to you?

August 2nd, 1997
Infants are annoying.

August 4th, 1997
If farting didn't smell bad, I wonder if it would be just like coughing, and no one would be embarrassed to do it. Then we'd all just sit around in movie theaters, and stuff, ripping farts. That would be weird.

August 9th, 1997
If the arm of the law is really so fucking long, wouldn't you think somebody would have chopped it off by now?

August 10th, 1997
Naked people generally appear sexier when they're not taking a shit.

August 11th, 1997
It would be nice, sometimes, if murder was legal.

August 12th, 1997
I’m depressed.

August 14th, 1997
That's embarrassing when no one is home, so you take a big, stinky crap, and then someone comes walking in, and says, "ooh, who shit?"

August 15th, 1997
That's weird that I hate my ex, but I like "X"-rated movies.

August 17th, 1997
I had a nightmare last night, about downloading this really GREAT program, and having it say "transfer interrupted," at the very last minute. That got me to thinking, maybe I've been on the computer a little too much, lately

August 18th, 1997
I wish I was an Eskimo, then I'd get to meet Santa Claus.

August 19th, 1997
If you fell off a skyscraper, and then were stabbed in the chest five-hundred times by a crazy guy that stabs people who fall off of skyscrapers, you would probably die.

August 21st, 1997
Do you think Bill Gates' shit is golden?

August 22nd, 1997
Gigantic boobs give some women back troubles, but I think it's probably worth it, since they give guys something to play with, that's soft, and squishy.

August 26th, 1997
If eyes are the gateway to the soul, what the hell does that make a rectum?

August 27th, 1997
Why is it that, every prescription drug lists the thing you're taking it for, as a side-effect of that drug?

August 28th, 1997
I think reincarnation is the suckiest of all beliefs, cuz, when you think about it, would you really wanna go through this all again?

August 30th, 1997
I still think the flying albino midgets were involved in Kurt Cobain's "suicide."

August 31st, 1997
After defrosting a couple of pork chops, I dumped out the excess blood, and as I watched it spiraling down the drain, I thought, "how sick, this could have fed an Ethiopian for a month!"

1997 Alex Sandell [all thoughts reserved]. If you think these thoughts, without written permission from the author, you'll overload your brain, and die.

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