Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Jubilant Month of January

What can I say about January? Far more than I can fit into an introduction, unless the introduction was really long, but then it wouldn't really feel like an introduction, it would just feel really long. January . . . newly declared "don't downhill ski" month. January, went in with a bang! . . . out with a whimper. A really self-centered, hypocritical whimper, at that. What a month it's been. Here's to a less "jubilant" February (somebody raise a glass, or something. I forgot mine in the bathroom.).

January 1st, 1998
I need sex like Bill Gates needs a hole in his head.

January 5th, 1998
Being a "shitkicker" would kinda suck.

January 7th, 1998
Well, there goes any chance for that "Sonny and Cher" reunion I was hoping for.

January 11th, 1998
I think it would be cool if there was a "stink like the stars" museum, where you could look at a bunch of dead celebrities hanging in extremely large wine-glasses, with a nose-level opening, so you could really take in the stench.

January 13th, 1998
If it takes a person with really bad taste, to like tasteless art - how can the art be tasteless?

January 14th, 1998
If nobody was ugly, who could we make fun of?

January 15th, 1998
I wonder if people with really crappy voices, who sing along in church, go to Hell.

January 16th, 1998
I think nursing homes would be a lot better places to die in, if they replaced "checkers and chess night" with "limp genitalia lick day."

January 19th, 1998
What's up with this "My McDonald's" crap? I never got one.

January 22nd, 1998
Weasel scum-bag hostile losers get even worse with a big head.

January 23rd, 1998
Babies in theaters are like sores on genitalia; they just shouldn't be there.

January 24th, 1998
Insomnia is the price a person pays for thinking too much.

January 25th, 1998
I was staring at the floor, thinking of a profound thought of the day, and I saw the biggest spider I've seen in a long time crawling across it. "Sometimes people are scared of spiders" I profoundly thought, and my job was done.

January 28th, 1998
I wonder if gynecologists are sort of sluts.

January 31st, 1998
If a bird shits on your head, which matters more to you, the bird, or the shit?

All these thoughts are so profound, I just HAD to copyright them! So, 1998, Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].

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