Profound Question/Thought/Wonderment of the Day for the Semi-fabulous Month of February

And so we finish off another month. February, the time where unobservant people notice the birds chirping, children around the age of 10 start realizing the other reason for a penis, and I get seizures. What a month, February. They should frame it. Put it behind really expensive glass, and then let me take a big fucking sledgehammer and SMASH the thing. Oh well, onto the thoughts.

February 1st, 1998
I don't think Jesus would make a very good pitchman for "Burger King."

February 2nd, 1998
I wonder if zits get hurt, when you pop them.

February 3rd, 1998
I have a penis

February 4th, 1998
Only humans could be ignorant enough to invent a system where we murder someone to show that murder is wrong.

February 6th, 1998
That would be funny if Disney's next major animated motion picture was about a group of talking lettuce lesbians, that take in an orphaned, "hetero" carrot, and sing songs and stuff, in an attempt to make her come out of the "garden."

February 7th, 1998
The expression "bite me" is beginning to take on more and more meaning every day.

February 8th, 1998
I wish there wasn't really sexy women in bikinis, because then I wouldn't have to always imagine them taking a crap.

February 9th, 1998
People are always trying to grab a "quick bite" to eat, on their way to make money, so they can get home early, and maybe get laid. I think the ultimate business would probably be a "McHorny's," where you get really crappy food which they pay you to eat, then give ya a quick fuck, and your day's completed in under 10 minutes. Go home and watch the mandatory 5 hours of t.v..

February 10th, 1998
If a guy shaved his face, and then a girl he's never met shaved her legs, and both of them cut themselves, and then rubbed their wounds together, that would be a nice way to meet.

February 11th, 1998
I wish I was nominated for 14 Academy Awards.

February 12th, 1998
Long-distance should be free, for anyone that buys the phone.

Please note that the profound thought below is still valid. Thank you.
February 13th, 1998
Really, I'm serious, you can buy a CD at "
the good deed of the month" club, and feel good about doing it. Or, you can just be a tight-ass, and feel all rotten and horrible about yourself, like you already do.

February 14th, 1998
Humans: Animals with too big of brains to do any good, and too small to do any better.

February 15th, 1998
I'm sure "today" will be all cool, in about twenty-years. "Man," people will say, "nothing's as good as it was back on February 15th, 1998. Why can't things be like that anymore?"

February 16th, 1998
"I have no interest in a site like this. I think it's overrated, and sick. People like you *are* the problem."

February 17th, 1998
That would create a whole new element in bar-fights and Robert DeNiro movies, if I crapped, and then somebody ate it, and then they crapped, and then somebody ate that, and everyone in the world passed-around this piece of poop, until finally all living humans had "passed" it. "You think you're actually better than me, buddy - I've been there, I've shit out your turd."

February 18th, 1998
That would be funny to see an alligator eat an old-lady in Florida.

February 19th, 1998
Is it just me, or does every guy get a big hard-on while watching women's figure-skating?

February 21st, 1998
Why isn't Vaseline's official slogan, "friend to lonely people, everywhere?"

February 22nd, 1998
I wonder if they'll ever come out with bathtub-toys that don't float, based on the blockbuster-film, "Titanic."

February 24th, 1998
Read daily for effective odor and wetness protection that lasts 24 hours.

February 25th, 1998
If you're reading this, you have an anus.

February 26th, 1998
It's open-season on Epileptics. Don't forget, only shoot the ones with the foam!

February 27th 1998
An empty-mailbox can be just as fulfilling as a full one, if it isn't yours, and you cum in it.

February 28th, 1998
Insomnia is God's revenge for me not believing in him.

All these thoughts were just so beautiful, I HAD to either copyright them, or live with the guilt! So, I copyrighted them. 1998, Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].

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