Profound Question/Thought of the Day for the Month of May

I didn't get every thought for the month, since I'm lazy and scatter-brained, but you'll get the basic idea.

I hope you have extra room in your skull, cuz you're about to take in a month of knowledge all in less than ten minutes.

Technically, you're 'sposed to have more than one sentence per paragraph.

But, technically, I don't give a flying fuck.

(How's that for profound?)

May 4th, 1997-
If agoraphobia is the abnormal fear of being in open spaces, would that make "angoraphobia" the fear of really ugly sweaters?

May 5th, 1997-
If you put an action-figure in your butt, and then let a friend play with it, without telling them it was there, that would be kinda mean.

May 6th, 1997-
If everyone in the world took Juicy survey number two, I think it would be a lot better world. (That was a hint.)

May 8th, 1997-
If you bought 150 books in one day, that would be a lot of books.

May 10th, 1997-
If I went to a nude beach, and there were lots of naked women there, I bet I’d get a boner.

May 11th, 1997-
I think prom night would be a lot more fun for all of us, if you were allowed to shoot those prissy little snots walking around town, dressed up in their ugly tuxedoes and sparkly dresses.

May 12th, 1997-
Do you ever wonder if your dog wants to get you drunk, so it can take advantage of your leg?

May 13th, 1997-
If Adam and Eve never sinned, and everyone got to walk around naked, wouldn't the world be a little bit happier place?

May 14th, 1997-
If you go into an unemployment office, you will probably see lots of people without jobs.

May 15th, 1997-
Do you ever wonder if "hypochondria" really means "doctor who can't diagnose?"

May 16th, 1997-
People who suck probably have nothing better to do.

May 18th, 1997-
If a guy got his penis cut off, he couldn’t have sex.

May 20th, 1997-
Grand-mal seizures suck.

May 21st, 1997-
If someone drank down a bottle of sleeping pills with a fifth of whiskey, they would probably die. That would be funny.

May 22nd, 1997-
Do you ever get horny when you see some weird dude in a raincoat?

May 24th, 1997-
Instead of being one of those people that say "at least I don't have it as bad as him," I've become one of those people that others look at and say "at least I don't have it as bad as him."

May 25th, 1997-
If there's over four-billion humans, and most take a dump once a day, and the average person squeezes out two logs per poop, that's 240 BILLION pieces of human crap a month. That's kinda gross.

May 26th, 1997-
When I die, I think I'd rather have Star Wars figures brought to my grave on Memorial Day, in lieu of flowers.

May 27th, 1997-
I wonder who would be more sought after: an ugly person with a really HOT body, or a HOT person with no body at all - just a head.

May 30th, 1997-
If you opened up a jar of woodticks and poured them into somebody's bed, that would be kind of unfriendly.

These thoughts were all thought by Alex Sandell and he always copyrights what he thinks. So watch it, buddy.

You know the routine, just click it.


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