Alex's Illustrious Artistic
Written by Alex Sandell
I'm the Editor of a new UK magazine aimed at 18 - 25 year old males and I came across your website whilst researching an article on the net. I was extremely interested in the Believable Truth series that you are featuring and wondered if you would consider allowing us to include this series in the new magazine on a monthly basis. Obviously, we would not use these without your consent. Please let me know by return if possible. My secure email address is firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks in anticipation.
Editor - Some Magazine
Rather than become bitter over this ("The Believable Truth" series is the only thing on this page that I don't write), as I usually would, I thought I'd avoid my typical rant, and play the, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" game. I'm going to add artwork to my updates. LOTS of it. As a matter of fact, within a month, I plan on doing nothing but artwork. Fuck writing. Screw substance. To hell with anything but drawing, drawing, drawing! And what better time to start than now? Here's picture number one:
I named this picture, "Picture Number One", so as not to cause any confusion in the publishing world. It may appear simplistic to the untrained eye, but if you are a connoisseur of the arts, you will notice that plenty of thought, and lots of hard work, went into this drawing. It is obvious that, not only am I saluting the publishing world, in the picture, but that I'm also standing against social repression, and a George W. Bush presidency. If you look closely, you will see light blue lines in the background. I spent days on these. I would like to tell you what they represent, but am afraid that it would spoil the abstract styling of my work. Portions of the text got lost, when my basement flooded, but I'm figuring no one who matters would care, anyway. Now, picture number 2:
I will admit this drawing, aptly titled, "Picture Number 2", although possibly more complex than the first, is a bit of a sell-out. I have noticed that publishers, especially ones from Europe, like pictures of naked people, as long as they can justify it as, "art" or "comedy." I took the comedy approach with this one. Being that a publisher doesn't want anything too funny, in fear of breaking some sort of European law, and an editor doesn't want anything too complex, being that it makes him have to read more words than he really wants to, I have kept the text at a minimum, and the humor (should I say, "humour"?) at the "marginally-funny" level expected from high-quality tabloids, and the like.
"Fuck me, stud" says the woman. "Me horny" says the man. Although the text is similar in nature to Tarzan, the artwork is some quality material. Could sell a million or more 'zines across the world, and possibly be picked up as an animated television series in Japan. Very valuable to a magazine. This is all I need. I'm in.
Are you a publisher? Are you sick of missing the "next big thing" until after it gets big? HIRE ME NOW! These drawings took a steady hand, and months of hard work . . . and they could be yours! If you're interested, please contact Alex Sandell at email@example.com and don't forget to put "MONEY" in the subject line! I may cost a lot, but I'm worth it. *Smooch*
Finally, a drawing by the inferior Juicy Cerebellum artist, Sean Simmans. His artistic work is not quite where it should be. It will most likely be years, if ever, before he approaches my level of sophistication (for example: you'll notice Sean has NO blue lines in the background, and has yet to use a "BIC" pen to handle his textures), but you may enjoy this "Believable Truth" that he sent in, especially for me, all the same:
I couldn't have said it better myself, Sean . . . and probably didn't.
ALL contents, with exception to "The Believable Truth", are ©1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. "The Believable Truth" is copyright 1999 Sean Simmans [All Rights Reserved], although I don't know why he bothers, since the fucker can't draw. Jeesh.
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