You're one of the good ones, kitty. Thanks for being there for me after elementary school,
when I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world.
Your purring put a smile on a broken heart.
The Truth About Pussies and
Bitches:
Cat Versus Dog
Written by: Alex Sandell
CATS:
Leave their shit in a little box inside of your home.
DOGS:
Leave their shit in your rich neighbor's yard, where it belongs.
CATS:
Rub against your leg as a sign of affection.
DOGS:
Rub against your leg when they get an erection.
CATS:
Run up a tree when they're being chased by a dog.
DOGS:
Are happy with me when I climb up a tree and hand them the cat.
CATS:
Cough up hairballs.
DOGS:
Eat them.
CATS:
Are usually the pet of choice for women.
DOGS:
Are far more faithful to men than any woman would ever be.
CATS:
Have sex doggy-style.
DOGS:
Are looking into a lawsuit against cats for stealing their infamous position.
CATS:
Have the famous Garfield to look up to. A fat, lazy, self-centered pussy with a thing for Lasagna.
DOGS:
Have the famous Lassie to look up to. A heroic animal willing to give his life defending his family. They also have Old Yeller, but talking about him just ends up making them all depressed.
CATS:
Puff their hair out and hiss, when trying to look scary.
DOGS:
Laugh hysterically, and then kill the cat.
CATS:
Were worshipped by Cleopatra.
DOGS:
Remind everyone that "dog" spelled backward is "god," and cat spelled backward is, "cleopatrawasafuckingidiot."
CATS:
Would be better if they were dogs.
DOGS:
Thank backward doG everyday that they aren't cats.
DOGS:
Are man's best friend.
CATS:
Leave just when a "dog person" realizes that a best friend can also purr.
This update is dedicated to my
20-year-old cat, Tiger, who probably won't make it through the night.
You're one of the good ones, kitty. Thanks for being there for me after
elementary school,
when I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world.
Your purring put a smile on a broken heart.
OTHER "VERSUS" UPDATES:
©2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Ever see four pit bulls make a meal of a man? Neither have I, but I'm damn curious to find out what it would look like. Copy this update, without my permission, and I'll have you over for dinner.