The Truth About Pussies and Bitches:
Cat Versus Dog
Written by:  Alex Sandell

CATS:

Leave their shit in a little box inside of your home.

DOGS:

Leave their shit in your rich neighbor's yard, where it belongs.

CATS:

Rub against your leg as a sign of affection.

DOGS:

Rub against your leg when they get an erection.

CATS:

Run up a tree when they're being chased by a dog.

DOGS:

Are happy with me when I climb up a tree and hand them the cat.

CATS:

Cough up hairballs.

DOGS:

Eat them.

CATS:

Are usually the pet of choice for women.

DOGS:

Are far more faithful to men than any woman would ever be.

CATS:

Have sex doggy-style.

DOGS:

Are looking into a lawsuit against cats for stealing their infamous position.

CATS:

Have the famous Garfield to look up to.  A fat, lazy, self-centered pussy with a thing for Lasagna.

DOGS:

Have the famous Lassie to look up to.  A heroic animal willing to give his life defending his family.  They also have Old Yeller, but talking about him just ends up making them all depressed.

CATS:

Puff their hair out and hiss, when trying to look scary.

DOGS:

Laugh hysterically, and then kill the cat.

CATS:

Were worshipped by Cleopatra.

DOGS:

Remind everyone that "dog" spelled backward is "god," and cat spelled backward is, "cleopatrawasafuckingidiot."

CATS:

Would be better if they were dogs.

DOGS:

Thank backward doG everyday that they aren't cats.

DOGS:

Are man's best friend.

CATS:

Leave just when a "dog person" realizes that a best friend can also purr.

This update is dedicated to my 20-year-old cat, Tiger, who probably won't make it through the night.

You're one of the good ones, kitty.  Thanks for being there for me after elementary school, 
when I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world.  
Your purring put a smile on a broken heart.

OTHER "VERSUS" UPDATES:

Man VS. Woman

Yoko VS. Courtney

Rich VS. Poor

Beautiful VS. Ugly

2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  Ever see four pit bulls make a meal of a man?  Neither have I, but I'm damn curious to find out what it would look like.  Copy this update, without my permission, and I'll have you over for dinner.  

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