For the past couple of months, various people from across the world have sent in questions they thought would be perfect for the next Juicy survey. I weeded through hundreds of questions and found 101 (hey, it's a catchy number) stupid, funny and dorky questions that were just tailor-made for The Juicy Cerebellum. Then, I went completely insane and decided to answer every single one of them. So, without further adieu (and they always said I did "poorly" with foreign languages), here is the end result. After weeks of delays, rescheduling and brain-constipation, it's the time when

Q: Do you like furry puppies in your mouth?
A: Not unless they're dead.

Q: What is the strangest device or animal that has ever been inserted into a person?
A: Bob Dole's penis

Q: After you stick your finger up your butthole, do you sniff it?
A: No, I usually order pizza.

Q: If someone were to suddenly give you a brain, what would you do with it?
A: Put it into my butt and then order pizza.

Q: What small mammal would you put in your pants?
A: A midget.

Q: What better thing for the world could you be doing besides taking this survey?
A: Kill yourself

Q: Do you think these surveys are pointless?
A: Yeah but, so is sex, and everyone does that.

Q: Are you right-brain or left-brain dead?
A: I wouldn't know, no one has given me a brain yet, and if they did, it would be up my butt before I had a chance to check.

Q: Are you paranoid of your neighbors?
A: Only when they threaten to kill me.

Q: Which do you prefer in a snow-cone, the ice or the sweet juice?
A: When in doubt, always go for the juice.

Q: How many times have you shot someone while singing "Whistle While You Work?"
A: Only once, but it was my dad.

Q: What is the strangest growth you've ever had on your penis?
A: My balls.

Q: Do you like watching animated cartoons of women with big breasts?
A: Not as much as I like drawing them.

Q: Why can't I make up my mind?
A: Because old folks having sex is just such an icky thing.

Q: How many times a day do you jerk-off?
A: Less than a hundred.

Q: What word do you most often yell out in your sleep?
A: Pimple.

Q: If you could, would you suck your own penis?
A: Of course.

Q: Why do dogs turn in a circle before going to sleep?
A: To check and see if I'm behind them.

Q: Do you masturbate with stupid objects?
A: Not unless you count my last girlfriend.

Q: Do you prefer grape Kool-Aid or Cherry Kool-Aid?
A: Grape rules.

Q: Why?
A: Because I said so.

Q: Have you ever kept the toy you get in a Cracker Jacks box?
A: Only the dildo.

Q: What's the difference between a duck?
A: Do you do lots of drugs?

Q: If you could have two parts of your body switch places, what would you switch?
A: I'd put my rectum where my mouth is and ask you to kiss my ass.

Q: How large is your penis?
A: Depends on who's sucking on it.

Q: Do you fuck yourself?
A: It won't quite reach.

Q: Is music good? Better? Or THE BEST?
A: I'm confused.

Q: How long do you wait to clip your toenails?
A: Once I'm picking my nose with them.

Q: Do you frequently urinate in the sink, just to be different?
A: That's Government classified information.

Q: Love is?
A: Fictional.

Q: Why would anyone voluntarily eat liver?
A: To get out of their larva stage.

Q: Who's your favorite porn star?
A: Little Debbie.

Q: How many power tools do you own?
A: Just the dildo I got in my box of Cracker Jacks.

Q: What would you do if you got caught masturbating?
A: Ask the person who caught me if they'd like to join.

Q: Why is there more than one McDonald's?
A: Gives the average citizen a better chance at having a heart-attack before they reach their twenties.

Q: Why do people that don't like sex masturbate profusely?
A: Because they don't like sex.

Q: What do you think of silicone tits?
A: They're fun and bouncy, like a basketball.

Q: Why does higher education suck?
A: Two words: pretentious hippies.

Q: Would you prefer mutual masturbation over actual sex?
A: Well, then both parties would have a wetspot to sleep on, which would solve the "who gets to sleep on the wetspot" argument.

Q: What's your definition of insane?
A: The Republican party.

Q: Have you ever fooled mother nature?
A: No, I was too scared I'd get charged with sexual-harassment.

Q: Do you think Yoda was a drag queen?
A: No.

Q: Did you ever fantasize about Geena Davis?
A: Only about her funeral.

Q: Can you eat just one Lay's Potato Chip?
A: I can't even get laid.

Q: Can you find the Spam?
A: I wouldn't want to.

Q: Do you have more than 3 fingers on each hand?
A: No, but I've seen somebody who does.

Q: Cream cheese with Oreo's or bagels?
A: I prefer it with sex.

Q: What are you wearing?
A: Nothing.

Q: Are the "Spice Girls" Jesus reincarnated?
A: Only if he had a sex change and taught himself how to sing real shitty songs.

Q: How long are your arms?
A: It's not the size of your arms that count, it's how you use them.

Q: Do you prefer the word "rectum," or "anus?"
A: I seem to like "asshole."

Q: Have you ever asked a donkey the way to Kalamazoo?
A: I don't really do acid.

Q: Have you ever fantasized about Dennis Rodman?
A: No, he's done enough fantasizing over himself.

Q: Do you use your left or right hand for masturbation?
A: Both, otherwise one of them starts feeling desperate.

Q: Have you ever eaten any food in a supermarket before?
A: No, but I've peed in one.

Q: Why do hotdog buns come in packages of 8 and wieners in packages of 10?
A: The buns are homophobic.

Q: Who was a better captain, Picard, or Kirk?
A: Picard. Hair-pieces are for morons.

Q: Do you do the Dew?
A: I used to, but my penis started getting chaffed.

Q: Is anyone really satisfied with their lives?
A: No.

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Trick question. Lesbians can't screw.

Q: When Mary Poppins floated away, did you look up her skirt?
A: No, I was scared I'd get charged with sexual harassment.

Q: What do women really want in a man?
A: A woman.

Q: What the fuck are Cocoa Puffs?
A: A chocolate-flavored cereal that looks like a bunch of rabbit turds.

Q: Have you ever tried to kiss your own ass?
A: Yes, and I've had back problems ever since.

Q: What is the meaning of life?
A: Tampons.

Q: What is the worst survey question you've answered?
A: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Q: How many gallons of shit is being in "deep shit?"
A: Depends on how tall you are.

Q: Toilet paper, over or under?
A: Over, otherwise you sometimes get poop-smears on the wall.

Q: How often do you say bullshit?
A: What kind of bullshit question was that?

Q: Can you walk and chew gum at the same time?
A: Depends what I'm walking on.

Q: Do you love me?
A: Of course I do.

Q: What is the coolest thing about living?
A: Dying.

Q: Which member of "The Golden Girls" cast would you like to sleep with?
A: Have you considered therapy?

Q: What is that smell?
A: Cat puke.

Q: Where am I?
A: Nowhere.

Q: Why are Juicy surveys so U.S. oriented?
A: Because all the other countries are just so fucking boring.

Q: Have you had your break today?
A: That's getting just a little too personal, buddy.

Q: Would you do it with a 90-year-old man for 40 million dollars?
A: Who wouldn't?

Q: Would you let the Trix rabbit have any Trix?
A: I may let him perform Trix, I don't think he could have any, though.

Q: Was this survey a complete waste of your time?
A: I never took the damn thing.

Q: Have you ever taken it up the butt?
A: I had a doctor's finger up there once.

Q: Did Wonder Woman have breast implants?
A: No, but those gold things on her wrist weren't made out of real gold.

Q: How many donuts would a dead dog devour if a dead dog could devour donuts?
A: Next question.

Q: Who is better, Count Chocula, or Frankenberry?
A: Count Chocula, Frankenberry is a fucking pansy.

Q: What is more fun, scratching yourself, or picking your nose?
A: Scratching yourself after picking your nose.

Q: Should "Free Willy" be legalized?
A: Yes. Total morons need something to entertain them.

Q: Have you ever fell off the floor?
A: I'm telling you, I just don't do acid.

Q: Do you prefer to spank, or be spanked?
A: Actually, I kinda like licking.

Q: Do you think Satan has a sense of humor?
A: Only if he's English.

Q: So, you think your mom loves you . . . really?
A: Somehow I doubt it.

Q: Do you think this survey sucks?
A: Not as bad as your retarted question.

Q: Who the hell are you?
A: I'm Batman.

Q: What is the most sensible thing to do with a used condom?
A: Freeze it and enjoy a condom-pop the next day.

Q: Do you actually do this by choice?
A: No, I was born this way.

Q: Do you ever fantasize over the owner of this page?
A: Only when I'm in front of a mirror.

Q: Do you ever fantasize over having sweet, passionate anal-sex with Bob Dole?
A: No, but my friend Matt does.

Q: Do you feel that a human head on a stick is an appropriate substitute for a nighttime ardvaarking partner?
A: So THERE'S where all the acid I don't do went.

Q: What is your favorite pork product?
A: The feet.

Q: Would you rather eat SPAM or your mother out?
A: That question was just . . . wrong.

Q: Do you shave your pubic hairs?
A: Only when I'm dining out.

Q: Do you spend too much time answering stupid questions?
A: Definitely.

Got anything to say? Questions? Comments? Letters of looooove? Words of wisdom? Pointless crap? Send it all to 

Boy, this was just downright derogatory and offensive. Who do you think you are, anyway? Send me back to the Table of Brains, NOW!