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The 30 Juiciest Romances of the Past 30 Years*
*Not counting books, magazines, newspapers, television or reality
NUMBERS 10 - 6

Written by:  Alex Sandell

This is the fifth part of a 6 part update (maybe 7 parts, if I go nutty and do this one thing that I probably won't do).  You can click here to read part one, or here to read part two, or here to read part three or here to read part four.


#10
Titanic

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Kate Winslet has more artistic integrity in her little finger than the rest of her Hollywood peers, combined.  Her role in Titanic was the first, and only, time that she had accepted a big budget Hollywood production.  Since her starring days in THE BIGGEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME, she has chosen only artistic, smaller roles in films such as Quills (number 24 on this list) and the recent Iris, which she received a best supporting actor nomination for.  Like I've written on this page too many times to count (well, you could probably count them, but you'd be such a pathetic loser in doing so, that I'd probably pummel you with a mallet, rather than pat you on the back), Titanic does have stilted dialogue, fairly poor scripting and only slightly above average performances given by players capable of so much more.  At the same time, the romance works in a whirlwind, teenage infatuation type way, and then there's that ship.  They literally recreated the Titanic, down to every little detail, for this film, and as a huge Titanic buff, seeing the ship seemingly come back from the dead, in all its glory, was a miracle to behold.  The romance, a lot of which did move me, and contained more than one instance which I could identify with, was just the icing on the top of the big boat that proved, once and for all, that you can have your cake, but you can't eat it too (it sinks too damn fast to even try the frosting).  That last line was cheesy.  I'm sure the fake editor that I never hired for this page will spiffy it up, or get rid of it.  Stupid editor that doesn't really exist.  D'oh!

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  This film made more money than any in history (more than twice as much as Lord of the Rings), and ever since that day, heartless geeks who only relate to 0's and 1's, across the universe have tried to figure out the mathematical equation that equals true love.  They haven't gotten much past saying, "hi" to a girl with the conspicuous online nick of "Sevenuv9" in the Star Trek newsgroup, and then, when she responds, running away, masturbating quickly over their sexual "encounter" and inventing a new computer program to stop freedom of speech all in the name of the almighty geekdom.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  I'm a geek . . . please don't fuck me - I'm scared.  

Would Titanic make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#9
Leaving Las Vegas

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  First of all, I hate Nicolas Cage.  Cage is like the anti-Winslet.  He made his name in arthouse films, and then went straight for the action hero shit.  Luckily, Leaving Las Vegas will always be around to remind us of the potential that Cage had, and went on to waste with bullshit like Con Air.  The romance in Leaving Las Vegas is incredible.  These are two people who will essentially stick together through anything, and they don't judge one another for their shortcomings.  You never see Elisabeth Shue slamming Cage for being a soak, and Cage is pretty tolerant of the fact that Shue is a prostitute.  These type people are supposedly the sleaziest folk around, but Leaving Las Vegas shows that they can be more compassionate, more sincere and more heartfelt than any of the uppity business fucks that America seems to look up to.  This is unconditional love, and that is the purest form of love that there is.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Elisabeth Shue was in Adventures in Babysitting and one critic said she was the next Madonna.  Madonna sucks.  The critic had to of been loaded.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Hi, I'm so drunk I'm impotent . . . fuck me.

You can buy Leaving Las Vegas for less than $2.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Leaving Las Vegas make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!  


#8
Manhattan

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  When Woody Allen was good, he was incredible.  Manhattan, his second best romance (his first is in the top 5), is a heart breaking look into the world of love, lust, betrayal and rejection.  I don't know what to say to sell you on this picture, if you haven't already seen it, outside of the fact that it is one of the most beautiful romances ever committed to film.  

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  There was this girl that was engaged to this military guy and it turned out that she was fooling around with me and, I found out later, my brother.  What a whore.  She had super firm tits, though.  Anyway, the reason I bring her up is that, when I told her I liked Woody Allen, she said, "he was really good in White Men Can't Jump."  Why is it that the people who know the LEAST about movies work in video stores?  She married the military guy, now.  They probably watch Cheers together every night, and talk about how great that Woody Allen is.  

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Did you know I'm doing your brother? . . . fuck me. 

You can buy Manhattan for less than $5.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Manhattan make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#7
Fried Green Tomatoes

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Lesbian stuff.  It makes you cry.  The lesbian stuff is played down BIG TIME in the film version of this movie, but it's still an incredible story.  I dig it so much I put it at number 7 in my top 30 list. 

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  I had this religious girl in my creative writing class back when I temporarily sold out and attended college for half a semester, and she said that it was "God's doing" that the lesbian stuff was played down in the film, because homosexuality is a "sin."  I told her to fuck off.  She reported me to my my professor and he said that I need to watch myself.  I never took his advice, and still think the religious bitch should fuck off.    

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Ever done a sexually repressed homophobe? . . . fuck me. 

You can buy Fried Green Tomatoes for less than $3.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Fried Green Tomatoes make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#6
What's Eating Gilbert Grape

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  This is one of the best movies ever made.  The romance between Johnny Depp and Juliette Lewis is touching to the point where, well, you're touched.  The most amazing thing about the film is Leonardo DiCaprio's performance.  I believe he was nominated for best supporting actor, but he didn't win it.  Never, and I do mean NEVER EVER NO WAY IN HELL will Leo pull a performance this good out of his ass ever again.  Still, the Academy chose not to give him the Oscar.  I guess the Academy was just as fucked in 1993 as it is in 2002.  This movie works in EVERY respect.  There is not a single moment I would change in this film.  This is one of those movies that are so good your superego fails to convince you that you could make something equally as precious.  If you care about love, satire, human cruelty, compassion and retards, this is the film for you!

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  The grossly obese mother in the film was discovered on a talk show.  Amazingly enough, she could actually act.  The whole movie really hit home with me, and I'm not going to even make a fat joke.  This movie is above that.  This movie has placed me above that.  This movie is the reason film was invented. 

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:   I play a retarded guy and then turn into a sex symbol and then downgrade my celebrity back to a washed up nobody . . . fuck me.

You can buy What's Eating Gilbert Grape for less than $10.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would What's Eating Gilbert Grape make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!

Click here for the top 5 Juiciest romances ever created!  Who will make it straight to the top?

All text on this page is copyright 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, you'll turn into a toad, and your prince will never come.  Wait a minute, I didn't get that right, did I?  

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Half.com: buy/sell used books, music, movies,games
Support the Cerebellum! Buy ANY of the movies on this page for EXTREMELY cheap (some cost less than a rental)!