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The 30 Juiciest Romances of the Past 30 Years*
*Not counting books, magazines, newspapers, television or reality
NUMBERS 20 - 16

Written by:  Alex Sandell

This is the third part of a 6 part update (maybe 7 parts, if I go nutty and do this one thing that I probably won't do).  You can click here to read part one, or here to read part two.


#20
Beauty and the Beast

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  This is my favorite Walt Disney animated film.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Only upon its recent Imax release did I realize that certain "feminists" consider this movie sexist, finally confirming my decade long assumption that real feminists won the real battle for equality a long time ago, and current feminists are nothing but annoying reminders of ex-girlfriends with too much time on their hands and the desperate need for a "cause" of their own.  Beauty and the Beast is not sexist.  Belle is a very assertive woman that lives life on her own terms, and is brave enough to sacrifice her own freedom for the life of her father.  The beast does not tame Belle - - quite the contrary - - Belle tames the beast.  Belle finds the gentleman hidden behind all the hair, and falls madly in love with him.  The gentleman builds up the confidence needed to look out from behind all the hair and fall in love with Belle.  It's a romance, plain and simple.  All the "feminists" out there thinking otherwise should pull the dildo out of their monologue spewing vaginas and shove it deep inside their noisy mouths before they can get out another foolish, gender-pitying word.   

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Beauty and the Beast was the first full length animated feature to be nominated for the best picture Oscar.  It didn't win.  I'm sure "feminists" were overjoyed.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Hi, I have a dildo in my mouth . . . fuck me.  

Would Beauty and the Beast make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#19
Steal This Movie

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Anita Hoffman was incredibly devoted to her husband Abbie, and stuck with him through years of being a recluse hiding out from a crazed U.S. Government, through his affair with another woman, and through the unrelenting harassment she received from the Government to give her husband up.  At the same time, Abbie's love was always with Anita, and their child.  Unfortunately, there needs to be an asterisk at the end of every sentence in which a politician drools out something about how America will "leave no child behind", because no one in this corrupt Government of ours gave a second thought to the well-being of Anita and Abbie's son.  Maybe it's just my extended youthful idealism speaking, but I never thought that there should be a price on freedom in a country that claims to be the land of the free.  

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  I would say that about 99% of the people under 20 years old reading this page have no idea who Abbie Hoffman was, or the sacrifices he made to keep this country free.  I would also say that there's about a 99% chance that Britney Spears and N'Sync aren't going to be telling them in any of their Pepsi or Chili's corporate ads.  When the new youth-oriented counter-culture movement is dead before it's born, you know America's been bought.  There's more to life than a new car, can of Pepsi and a few baby back ribs, children.  Maybe you should drop out of school, get some real education, and do something productive.  Just a suggestion.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Hi, I think beyond the TV . . . fuck me.

Would Steal This Movie make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!  


#18
Four Weddings and a Funeral

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  It's a definite standout in the family of romantic comedies that it belongs to.  I'm watching Benny & Joon right now and the "(500 Miles)" song just came on, and it's really, really distracting me.  I think Benny & Joon should have been further up on my top 30 list.  Oh well.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Trying to think of the qualities that make one romance great while watching another is not as easy as it sounds.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  I'm Hugh Grant . . . fuck me (I'll pay you). 

You can buy Four Weddings and a Funeral for less than $1.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Four Weddings and a Funeral make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#17
Natural Born Killers

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Have you ever turned the brightness and color up on your television set, turned off all the lights, got in bed with your girlfriend and cranked this movie up full-blast through 9 speakers as you made wicked love?  This film worked like an aphrodisiac for a certain girl I was dating about 5 years ago.  Even when you're not getting laid to the loud music, vulgar profanity and explosive violence, the film works as a romance.  Natural Born Killers is the story of two people who are so madly in love that nothing else in the world matters, other than them.  Not rednecks at a truck stop, not a mother or father, not even some random guy riding a bike down the road.  This is not a romance for the meek, and it's not one to emulate, but if you've ever been truly lost in love, well, like the soundtrack says . . . nothing's shocking.  

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Freaky imagery + 9 speakers = horny girlfriend.  

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Nothing's shocking . . . fuck me. 

You can buy Natural Born Killers for less than $5.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Natural Born Killers make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#16
The People Vs. Larry Flynt

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  I did not intentionally place two controversial Woody Harrelson films in a row on my list; it just sort of happened without my being aware of it.  Weird.  Anyway, as far as real life romances go, the one between Althea Leasure and Larry Flynt was one of the most pure and romantic.  These two stuck together through thick and thin, even though they had a hell of a lot more thick than thin during the years they were married.  Their relationship was incredibly touching and terribly tragic.  I am also attracted to the whole first amendment thing, and how far people are willing to go to either A.) deny or B.) protect it.  Without Freedom of Speech, we would have nothing.  Without porn, tons of lonely men would have nothing to beat off over.  It's this whole "circle of life" thing.  Really.  Wow, the feminists are gonna hate me after this update.    

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Ironically, the original one-sheet for this film was banned by the MPAA.  The real life Larry Flynt is still fighting for the right to speak his mind.  His latest battle is with the tyrannical Bush administration.  He thinks that the media should be allowed to photograph and report on whatever they see in this war against terrorism, as long as it doesn't hurt national security.  The Bush administration basically thinks that everything they do should be hidden from the American people.  I'm rooting for Larry, because we DO have a right to know. 

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:   I can't think of anything funny to write because I have a terrible migraine . . . fuck me.

You can buy The People Vs. Larry Flynt for less than $3.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would The People Vs. Larry Flynt make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!

Click here for numbers 15-11!

All text on this page is copyright 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, you'll turn into a toad, and your prince will never come.  Wait a minute, I didn't get that right, did I?  

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Half.com: buy/sell used books, music, movies,games
Support the Cerebellum! Buy ANY of the movies on this page for EXTREMELY cheap (some cost less than a rental)!