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The 30 Juiciest Romances of the Past 30 Years*
*Not counting books, magazines, newspapers, television or reality
NUMBERS 15 - 11

Written by:  Alex Sandell

This is the fourth part of a 6 part update (maybe 7 parts, if I go nutty and do this one thing that I probably won't do).  You can click here to read part one, or here to read part two, or here to read part three.


#15
Exotica

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  The sheer nerve the marketing people had in making a complex drama look like some Shannon Tweed Showtime softcore pornographic thriller, while still getting the critics to like it, gets the movie a few bonus points, right off the bat.  This is not the movie you see on the box.  That's not to say there isn't a stripper, strip club and man with eyeballs, but that poster cheapens the film.  It always takes me forever to convince my female friends to watch this movie.  They think I'm trying to pass off some cheap "Virtual Sex" DVD as high art, so I can avoid watching another home video of their dearly departed cat, a black cat who lost all 9 lives simultaneously when he was pushed under a train and stabbed by 9 separate hobo pixies who were in the middle of a Ku Klux Klan meeting.  When I actually convince my pixie hating girlfriends that Exotica really is an artistic, beautiful film - - to the point where they break down and spend a couple hours watching it - - they are amazed over what a touching little story of human loss, love, obsession and jealousy the film turns out to be.  The film, directed by Atom Egoyan, is an extremely deep character study.  I cannot really get into any specifics, because it is a mystery of sorts, and it's one that a lot of people have yet to see, and may decide to rent sometime.  For now, you'll just have to take my word that this is an intriguing, unique film that you will never forget.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  If you are in the mood for a little softcore porn, you can rent Hotel Exotica, and tell your girlfriend that you "swear" your palm covered the "Hotel" part of the title the entire time you were in the video store, and that you "really did" mean to rent "that Exotica thing Alex keeps raving about."

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  I can turn anything into a porno advertisement . . . fuck me.  

You can buy Exotica for less than $1.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Exotica make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#14
The Man in the Moon

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  I was dusting the video shelves at Cockthruster (otherwise known as "Blockbuster") Video back in 1992 when I began noticing the hourly, The Man in the Moon ads playing on their monitors and was oddly captivated by them.  After a few minutes of dusting and debating, I decided that this would probably be better than taking home Evil Dead 2 for the thirtieth time.  The fact that the guy behind To Kill a Mockingbird was also behind The Man in the Moon didn't hurt its chances against the deadites, either.  Also, that young teenager with the blonde hair (Reese Witherspoon) seemed to be really easy on the eyes, even if she was only 14 years old.  Like a talent scout with a dust wand and nametag, I knew this chick was gonna make it.  All in all, The Man in the Moon seemed like a welcome retreat from the spraying blood and smart-ass one-liners of Evil Dead 2, especially since Cockthruster monitored the free rentals it gave out to its employees, in lieu of trivial things such as health care and vacation time, and they might have started reevaluating their decision to promote me if I would have rented nothing but Evil Dead 2  and Black Mama, White Mama when I worked there.  

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Reese Witherspoon gets totally naked in this film.  Totally.  Unfortunately she's just a young teenager, and not the sexy woman that she has grown into, now.  I didn't say anything about what made The Man in the Moon one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years.  Damn. 

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Hi, I'll be sexy as hell in 5 years . . . fuck me.

You can buy The Man in the Moon for less than $6.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would The Man in the Moon make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!  


#13
Clueless

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  You say you didn't like CluelessAs if!  I never, ever, ever, not in a million years, thought I was going to like this movie, but when my friend and his wife talked me into going, I decided to give it a try.  To my surprise, it was a clever, light-hearted satirical look at the young and overly wealthy.  Clueless also contained a performance from then newcomer Alicia Silverstone that blew me away.  Her character transcended the film, which was no easy task, considering that this movie had just about everything going for it.  Silverstone's bubbly Cher Horowitz made you feel all happy inside with nothing but a simple stare, dazzling smile or naive tap of the puffy pink pencil to her perfect cheek.  For some reason, one that I'm still struggling with, you are rooting for daddy's little rich girl.  You feel empathetic when her romances don't work, and get a big seratonin (sp?) high when one finally does. So you think that my liking of Clueless has finally caused me to fall for the hype of the Hollywood fluff factory?  Whatever.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  I had a picture of Alicia Silverstone nude on my computer that I printed out for a friend.  He claims that he "jerked off at least 3,000 times" over it, just because it was Alicia.  It kind of let him down when I revealed that the girl in the picture was a look alike, and wasn't actually Silverstone, at all.  I was just trying to see if he'd believe that it really was, and he did.  I felt so dirty.  Later, I fucked his girlfriend.  Both of them said that they were no longer an item, and she came onto me.  I was doing my part to comfort her, being that she was my friend, also.  Hell, I probably would have fucked him, if that's what he would have needed to overcome the loss of her, just as she needed a good screw to overcome the loss of him.  He didn't see it that way.  They got back together, and I'm not not friends with either of them any longer.  She was a dead lay, anyway. 

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  I'm fake naked Alicia Silverstone . . . fuck me. 

You can buy Clueless for less than $5.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Clueless make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#12
My Girl

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  My best friend had just died in a car accident a couple weeks before I saw this movie.  After going through such a recent loss, I knew, deep down, that this film was much more than melodramatic drivel, as the critics claimed that it was, and that Anna Chlumsky's torrential depression over losing Macaulay Culkin was the real thing . . . 11 years later, I still know it.  My Girl is an innocent childhood mini-romance where you watch one girl have to grow up extremely fast through her first crush, first kiss and the death of a best friend.  It is a truly moving film that brings me to tears every time that I put it on.  

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  This was Macaulay's first attempt at trying to break out of the Home Alone mold he had been poured into.  He did a VERY good job, and it looked like he was going to go places . . . at least until Richie Rich came out, putting the child star into permanent retirement.  I have NO IDEA what happened to Mac's costar, Anna Chlumsky; after she made this, its sequel, and a couple other minor movies over the next 3 or 4 years, she disappeared from the public spotlight.    

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  I'm allergic to bees, not bitches . . . fuck me. 

You can buy My Girl for less than $5.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would My Girl make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#11
Dogfight

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Did I mention that I think River Phoenix was on his way to becoming one of the greatest actors of all time?  This guy was a genius.  Too bad drugs had to kill him far before his prime.  I feel Dogfight was the film that best showcased his talent.  The movie is one of those "we only have one night together so let's make it last forever" type thingies that those of us in the know know make for some of the most romantic films ever made, if only because we realize, from the beginning, that the lovers have to create a night that will last forever in their memory in this tiny amount of time together that they are allotted.  This film is also a nice slice of history - - one last quiet night before the years of screaming and bloodshed begin.  A night when rock was about more than just kissing a girl under the boardwalk, and folk was still played without electric guitars.  It's a spectacular movie, and one that absolutely should not be missed by anyone who has ever been in love, dreamt of being in love, or even finished off a really good can of SPAM while saying, "I love SPAM."  In other words, this is a movie for everybody except for lonely people who never knew love and can't stand meat in a can.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  River Phoenix was in two movies with Harrison Ford.  Harrison Ford is suspected of killing River Phoenix in the study, with a rope, but the FBI is too scared to arrest him because they feel it may cause OJ Simpson to stop playing golf. 

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:   I make up horrible stories about Harrison Ford . . . fuck me.

You can buy Dogfight for less than $3.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Dogfight make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!

Click here for numbers 10-6!  Who will make it into the coveted TOP TEN?

All text on this page is copyright 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, you'll turn into a toad, and your prince will never come.  Wait a minute, I didn't get that right, did I?  

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Half.com: buy/sell used books, music, movies,games
Support the Cerebellum! Buy ANY of the movies on this page for EXTREMELY cheap (some cost less than a rental)!