Half.com: buy/sell used books, music, movies,games
Support the Cerebellum! Buy ANY of the movies on this page for EXTREMELY cheap (some cost less than a rental)!

The 30 Juiciest Romances of the Past 30 Years*
*Not counting books, magazines, newspapers, television or reality
NUMBERS 5 - 1

Written by:  Alex Sandell

This is the sixth part of a 6 part update.   You can click here to read part one, or here to read part two, or here to read part three or here to read part four, or, if you're feeling bold, you can click here to read part five.

  
#5
Annie Hall

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  This is Woody Allen's best film.  Being that I love Woody Allen -- his semi-incestual pedophilia not withstanding -- that is really saying something.  If a photograph of an erect penis truly represented a boner, this film would truly represent the courting of the opposite sex, the falling in love with the opposite sex, and the complete destruction of the love between you and the opposite sex (I said "sex" a whole bunch because I need to get laid).  I mean, really, outside of those religious freaks that feel obligated to stay together, so they can avoid burning in Hell, how many of us can spend a life time with one person?  I'd say the answer is one.  Maybe I'm just being optimistic.  I mean, really, isn't one one to many?  No matter what you think, and what your fellow Puritans tell you, I have to piss, and I honestly don't care, anymore (I think I went a bit off track, there).  Annie Hall is an incredibly genuine romance, and if you don't get it, you're a sad little sucker stuck in a world consumed by collecting the many various Darth Vader figures Hasbro has released.  Nerd.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  I spilled water on my "soft key" keyboard and am using this super loud IBM keyboard in its place and its driving me out of my friggin' skull.  Nerd.  

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  I'm Woody Allen . . . I'm a nerd, but everyone wants to fuck me.        

You can buy Annie Hall for less than $5.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Annie Hall make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!

 
#4
Boys Don't Cry

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  There are a lot of lesbian romances in my top 30, which may lead to at least 30 individuals thinking that I am another Howard Stern, and have a thing for lesbians.  Those 30 individuals would be WRONG.  I am, I swear to God, "god" with a CAPITAL "G" that I am being as honest as I can in my romantic picks.  I thought the romance between that one chick and that other chick in Boys Don't Cry (I'm bad with names, even though I've watched the movie over 10 times) was INCREDIBLE.  I'm not a lesbian (that would be hard, since I have a penis), but if I could fall in love with a guy that loved me the way those two girls loved each other, I'd gladly let my ass be violated (my ex-wife licked my ass and it felt good, and I said, "that felt good," and then she said, "I'm glad it did" and I went on to screw her).  Love is NOT about sex, or even getting your ass licked by your ex-wife.  If you think it is, you're a stupid dumb retard that doesn't know love.  This movie breaks my heart.  I refuse to watch the last 15 minutes of it, anymore.  It seriously causes me a gigantic amount of pain. Like a heart attack, sort of, except that I'm not in the hospital and my heart hasn't been attacked.  Anyway, this is genuine romance, and if you don't think so, don't bother emailing me, because, ironically enough, I'll be busy getting my ass licked, by someone with better taste than you.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  It feels really good to have your rectum licked gently by your ex-wife, even if she was a bitch.  Seriously.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Hi, I shoved a bar of soap straight up my ass . . . lick me.

You can buy Boys Don't Cry for less than $3.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Boys Don't Cry make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!  


#3
Heavenly Creatures

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Oh, poop.   Me and the lesbians.    Well, I thought this was one hell of a romance.  It was a romance worth MURDERING for.  It was also directed by Peter Jackson, the guy that completely screwed up The Lord of the Rings.  Unlike he did with The Lord of the Rings, Jackson actually directed an emotional, and epic, tale with Heavenly Creatures.  Sure, this is a teenage romance, but it is love in its most pure form . . . LESBIANISM!  (Okay, I was just kidding about the "lesbianism" part.)  I absolutely worship this movie, and I cannot think of a compliment befitting of the wonder that is this film. 

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Peter Jackson used to be a good director, before he turned into a gigantic sellout.  If you're reading this, Pete, please listen to me when I say GROW UP AND MAKE A GOOD MOVIE AGAIN!  Thank you.    

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Did you know I could make a good movie long ago . . . fuck me. 

You can buy Heavenly Creatures for less than $8.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would Heavenly Creatures make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#2
As Good as It Gets

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Jack and Helen have NEVER been this good.  This is, well . . . as good as it gets.   I genuinely love this movie, and if you think otherwise, I will have a stronger person than me kick your sorry ass.  Really, I will.  Did I ever tell you that my dad could beat up your dad?  Cool, huh?

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Jack won best actor for this film, giving him the award three decades in a row.  I wish I had devilish eyes like him, cuz women don't seem to care about a big gut as  long as the man looks really evil.  Women are totally into dating rotten people that look like Satan.

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:  Ever done the Devil? . . . fuck me. 

You can buy As Good as It Gets for less than $2.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would As Good as It Gets make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!


#1
The Bridges of Madison County

What makes it one of the 30 Juiciest romances of the past 30 years?:  Man, have I gotten shit for liking this movie.  It is, BY FAR, the best romantic film of the past 30 years.  I have to admit that part of me was a little afraid of putting it at number one, but that part of me was stinky and irrelevant, and I didn't listen to it.  "Old" people can fall in love, just like the rest of us, and if a bunch of juveniles can't accept that then, fuck 'em.  This movie is EXTREMELY moving.  This is the type of romance I've had, and the type that I want to have again.  NO movie in this top 30 has left me believing in true love like this one has.  Although I'm far younger than the actors in question, I identify with them, and I so badly want to fall in love in the way that they do.  Sure the book sucked, but the film is something totally different.  If you don't get it, you should probably move closer to a video store with a wider selection.

Interesting tidbit to spice up your love life:  Old people fuck. 

Quick, clever and extremely punchy pickup line:   I'm old . . . fuck me.

You can buy The Bridges of Madison County for less than $4.00 by clicking the banner at the top of this page!

Would The Bridges of Madison County make your top 30?  Why, or why not?  What else would make the cut ?  Send me an email with a few of your favorite romantic films, and be a part of the Juicy Cerebellum's upcoming READER top 30!

All text on this page is copyright 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, you'll turn into a toad, and your prince will never come.  Wait a minute, I didn't get that right, did I?  

Back to The Juicy Cerebellum

Half.com: buy/sell used books, music, movies,games
Support the Cerebellum! Buy ANY of the movies on this page for EXTREMELY cheap (some cost less than a rental)!