The title graphic my brother and I created has been removed due to my brother getting a big head and demanding "top credit" for the graphic. If any of you graphic artists out there are interested in trying your hand at the title graphic I inevented, send me an email, and let's get to work!

If you have yet to read the "D" "E" and "F" movie reviews of 2001, click now to do so.

If you want to read the gut-busting intro. I created for the first update in this series, you'll have to head back to the "A" "B" and "C" section.  I figured, rightfully so, that people would get sick of scrolling past it every time they wanted to get to the movie reviews.  I have left in a few necessities, for you folks too lazy to click a button on your mouse:

When there is an "N/A" in a certain spot, that means that my brothers, or myself, have yet to see the movie (but want to), or that we couldn't make up our minds on what we thought about the film.  When you see a film with ALL N/A's, that means we have yet to see the movie.

Please keep in mind that we live in a town so small, that a theater owner can actually get a two year restraining order against a person for requesting (not demanding) that he play better movies.  A town so small that your neighbor is your community.  And, finally, a town so small that I was just carded for a PG-13 movie (I'm not kidding) when I tried to rent Planet of the Apes.  

Obviously,  it is extremely hard to view any art house films until they are out on cable (the video stores here consider Ace Ventura: Pet Detective "art house").  I do receive screenings for art house films, but they're 3 hours away, and they start at 10:00 or 10:30 AM, and I'm not one to get up at 6 in the morning to drive 3 hours, watch a movie, and drive 3 hours home, although I do make the journey, on rare occasion.  

In the meantime, you'll have to look over what my brothers and I did have a chance to watch during the year of 2001, and what our opinions on the marketed-for-the-masses films were (there are a few art house films scattered throughout, when I did manage to get my ass out of bed, and down to Minneapolis).  Within the next couple of months ALL of the "art house" films will be included (I always find a way to get to every one before the Academy Awards).  

I will post three letters (as in "letters from the alphabet" not "letters your grandma sends you on Christmas") worth of films per day, in alphabetical order.  I will link to all full reviews available, if they have been written for this page.  The rest is pretty self-explanatory, unless you can't explain stuff to yourself.

"G" "H" and "I"
Films of 2001

Ghost World

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 2 A little paraphrasing of Steve Martin's lecture to John Candy in Plains Trains and Automobiles sums this film up: "When you tell your story, make sure you have a point . . . it makes it so much more interesting for the audience!"  This movie is an overrated piece of trash.  I gave it a 2 because a few parts made me laugh.  If I wanted to see whiny little holier-than-thou teenagers wandering around aimlessly while making cynical remarks, I'd go hang out at the local arcade, or watch an episode of Daria on MTV. 
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell N/A N/A

Overall Rating:  2

 

Gosford Park

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 7 Robert Altman, a director I'll always have something against for criticizing all of the "sex and violence" in movies, when his own have plenty of both, amazes by juggling a cast of over 20 leading actors, most giving superb performances.  The social commentary regarding a servant and the man/woman that he/she serves makes for some thought-provoking stuff, and also some damn fine dry British comedy.  This film has so many subplots that you would have to see it at least three times to get it all. The screenwriter really worked overtime on this one.  By some miracle, this is all pulled off, with only one flaw, but this flaw is a big one;  the film pretty much totally fails as a mystery. 
The Almighty Matt Sandell 2 The only mystery that's solved is that something can be more boring than church.
The Almighty Ben Sandell 4 Yes, yes, I get the social commentary, but who cares?

Overall Rating:  4.3

 

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 8 Damn fine comedy, that will grow on you like a little penis.
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell N/A N/A

Overall Rating:  8

Hannibal

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 10 The most underrated movie of 2001 by the mainstream critics, causing me to forever doubt the integrity of anyone paid vast sums of money to review a film.
The Almighty Matt Sandell 9 The only reason the critics didn't like it is because it was too gross for them to handle.  One of my favorite movies of 2001.
The Almighty Ben Sandell 8 Well made, but choppy ending.

Overall Rating:  9

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 5 Mildly entertaining, which is more than I can say for the other sword and sorcery movie that came out a month later.
The Almighty Matt Sandell 9 Not even close to as good as the book but still great.
The Almighty Ben Sandell 7 Loses a lot in the adaptation but still entertaining,

Overall Rating:  7

 

I Am Sam

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 3 I'm not one to suffer sappiness easily.  Well, that's not really true, but as any logger worth his weight in union fees knows, there's only so much sap a man can take.  This film is so predictable, artificial and sugary-sweet, you start becoming embarrassed that you're sitting through the entire thing.  Every moment of this movie is calculated.  Nothing is genuine.  Even the Beatles' songs (all remakes) are cued up at the exact right time with a lyric appropriately fitting the sappy situation at hand.  And my GAWD the product placements.  Never, in any movie, has there been so many fucking ads for corporate crap.  This thing doesn't even try to be subtle with the way the products are placed.  Half the conversations center around Starbucks or Pizza Hut or Payless Shoes, or take place in one of those, or many other assorted corporate facilities.  Now that I've slammed this film sufficiently enough, I'll admit that the acting is okay (although I couldn't decide if Sean Penn was playing a retarded man or playing Dustin Hoffman playing an Autistic Savant), and there are a few funny parts.  It's not worth seeing at the theater, or even worth renting, but if it's on TV some night, well, it still really isn't that worth it.  The two ladies I saw the film with both liked it, so maybe it's just one of those things guys don't get, sort of like Payless Shoes.
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell N/A N/A

Overall Rating:  3

 

In the Bedroom

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 1 Although I can't rightfully say that it's the worst movie ever created, I can say, without hesitation, that this film is EASILY the most slow-moving movie ever created.  Ironically enough, keeping the title in mind, I fell asleep in it for about 15 minutes, before a friend woke me up.  During that time, all that most likely happened is that somebody probably walked across a room, cried a little, and walked back.  Yes, it moves THAT slow.
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell N/A N/A

Overall Rating:  1

Click here to head to the J, K and L section of this film fanatic's fantastical series!  

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All text, title graphic and end graphic are Copyright 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  I don't know why you'd want to copy other people's opinions in the first place (but that is what made Lord of the Rings a hit), but if you do, for some pathetic reason, you must contact me first, and get my permission!

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