The title graphic my brother and I created has been removed due to my brother getting a big head and demanding "top credit" for the graphic. If any of you graphic artists out there are interested in trying your hand at the title graphic I inevented, send me an email, and let's get to work!

If you have yet to read the "G" "H" and "I" movie reviews of 2001, click now to do so.

If you want to read the gut-busting intro. I created for the first update in this series, you'll have to head back to the "A" "B" and "C" section.  I figured, rightfully so, that people would get sick of scrolling past it every time they wanted to get to the movie reviews.  I have left in a few necessities, for you folks too lazy to click a button on your mouse:

When there is an "N/A" in a certain spot, that means that my brothers, or myself, have yet to see the movie (but want to), or that we couldn't make up our minds on what we thought about the film.  When you see a film with ALL N/A's, that means we have yet to see the movie.

Please keep in mind that we live in a town so small, that a theater owner can actually get a two year restraining order against a person for requesting (not demanding) that he play better movies.  A town so small that your neighbor is your community.  And, finally, a town so small that I was just carded for a PG-13 movie (I'm not kidding) when I tried to rent Planet of the Apes.  

Obviously,  it is extremely hard to view any art house films until they are out on cable (the video stores here consider Ace Ventura: Pet Detective "art house").  I do receive screenings for art house films, but they're 3 hours away, and they start at 10:00 or 10:30 AM, and I'm not one to get up at 6 in the morning to drive 3 hours, watch a movie, and drive 3 hours home, although I do make the journey, on rare occasion.  

In the meantime, you'll have to look over what my brothers and I did have a chance to watch during the year of 2001, and what our opinions on the marketed-for-the-masses films were (there are a few art house films scattered throughout, when I did manage to get my ass out of bed, and down to Minneapolis).  Within the next couple of months ALL of the "art house" films will be included (I always find a way to get to every one before the Academy Awards).  

I will post three letters (as in "letters from the alphabet" not "letters your grandma sends you on Christmas") worth of films per day, in alphabetical order.  I will link to all full reviews available, if they have been written for this page.  The rest is pretty self-explanatory, unless you can't explain stuff to yourself.

"J" "K" and "L"
Films of 2001

Jeepers Creepers

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 9 Scary. Dark. Hopeless.  Like finding out you have dangerously high cholesterol.  Everything a horror movie should be.  Click here for full review.
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell 9 The classic horror style and creepiness defy its flaws.

Overall Rating:  9

 

Jurassic Park III

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 4 To quote Jeff Goldblum's character in the original Jurassic Park, "that's one big pile of shit." Click here for full review.
The Almighty Matt Sandell 5 Almost no T-Rex, Spino sucked and ending was horrible.  Nobody important even died.
The Almighty Ben Sandell 5 Stupid plot and not scary.

Overall Rating:  4.7

Joy Ride

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 8 Tense as hell but killer didn't really kill enough people to put him in the horror hall of fame.
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell 8 Suspenseful and fun.

Overall Rating:  8

 

K-Pax

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Matt Sandell 6 Dry and monotone.
The Almighty Ben Sandell 7 Interesting but dull.

Overall Rating:  6.5

 

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 1 One of the worst movies ever made, even with Angelina Jolie's fake bouncing boobs.  Click here for full review.
The Almighty Matt Sandell 3 Made absolutely no sense and nobody would of cared if it did.
The Almighty Ben Sandell N/A N/A

Overall Rating:  2

Legally Blonde

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 5 Pretty sappy Clueless rip-off, but Reese Witherspoon is just such a goddess, and pink does look good on her, no matter how faggy that sounds.
The Almighty Matt Sandell N/A N/A
The Almighty Ben Sandell N/A N/A

Overall Rating:  5

 

Lord of the Rings, The:  Fellowship of the Ring, The

The Almighty Sandell's: 1-10 rating (10 being the best): Comments:
The Almighty Alex Sandell 4 After Peter Jackson's artistic triumph with Heavenly Creatures, this three hour snooze fest comes as one of the biggest cinematic disappointments in history.  Click here for full review.
The Almighty Matt Sandell 4 The people that say they love it are just faking it.  There is no way you could love this movie!  One hour of cool stuff doesn't make up for 2 hours of absolute boredom.  Horrible character development and bad dialogue make Lucas look like Shakespeare!
The Almighty Ben Sandell 6 Some scenes sparkle but most just fizzle.

Overall Rating:  4.7

Click here to head to the M, N and O section of this film fanatic's fantastical series! 

Click here to send feedback

All text, title graphic and end graphic are Copyright 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  I don't know why you'd want to copy other people's opinions in the first place (but that is what made Lord of the Rings a hit), but if you do, for some pathetic reason, you must contact me first, and get my permission!

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