My Totally Juicy Classified Ad
Written by:  Alex Sandell (that sort of wrecked the "classified" thing, didn't it?)

My name is Alex and I am a 28 year old male seeking female from Alexandria, Minnesota.

My hair is dark blonde, my eyes are blue and I am 5'9" (175 Cm.) tall. My body style is average weight, I am physically active in selected activities (primarily sex), I never smoke and I get drunk socially.

I am single and I have no children, and I do not wish to have children.  I wouldn't mind a dog or tarantula.  A dolphin would also be neat, but I couldn't afford one. 

I am Caucasian, my religion is unaffiliated, and I grew up in Hell.

I have completed some college and the emphasis of my studies was in masturbation. My occupation is: Writing - and my annual income is next to nothing. As for politics, most of my views are Left Wing.

I view Appearance as Low Importance.  I view Intelligence as Important.  If you put out, intelligence becomes less of an issue.

My astrological sign is the anarchy symbol.

I am:   adventurous, argumentative, artistic, compulsive, eccentric, humorous, intellectual, liberal, nurturing, romantic, sensitive, spontaneous, stubborn, talkative, unconventional, wild, witty and horny.

I enjoy these activities: intimate conversations, video games, strip poker, chess, eating, listening to music, partying, surfing the Internet, scrabble, watching videos, going to movies, writing, weekend trips and fucking like a damn rabbit.

I like these forms of music:   Punk Rock, Folk Music, Jazz, Heavy Metal, Oldies and Rap.  (Primarily punk, though.)

I usually read:   fiction, non-fiction, poetry, magazines, newspapers and pornography.

I go out to:   art galleries, the theater (when I can afford it, which is never), restaurants, the movies, comedy clubs, museums, concerts, bookstores, clubs, shopping malls, libraries, parks, bars, strip clubs and adult video stores.

My favorite thing to eat is:   Chinese, Italian, Japanese and Dripping Wet Pussy.

I enjoy these physical activities:   fucking, masturbation and sex.

More about me:   I'm an eccentric left-wing political hyper-spastic animal stuck in a small-town full of complacent right-wing apolitical "normal" mammals. I'm a writer. I'm an artist. I'm a poet. If I'm not being creative, I'm not happy. I have a great sense of humor that will come at you in spurts, and is very "in-your-face" (hope you like to swallow).

I'd like to meet someone who is between the ages of 18 and 35.  If you're really, really cool, I might be willing to go up to 40.  If I'm really, really horny, I might be willing to go up to 45.  If I'm really, really drunk AND really, really horny, I'd probably go up to about 80.

I don't care if you are single, divorced, separated or widowed.  You can smoke, but not around me.  You can be a non-drinker, a social drinker or a bloody fucking alcoholic, for all I care, as long as you don't drink and drive. 

You can be from: Any ethnic group.

I'm looking for someone with an open mind that doesn't judge a person on race, looks, breath, or controversial bumper stickers. I don't want to hear from any pompous Neanderthals Ė so, if it would take a chainsaw to separate you from your mirror, donít bother getting in touch with me.

My idea of a perfect date would be the following:   It could range from a hot night at the club to a romantic walk on the beach. From a punk rock show to a night at the opera. From a lot of wild sex to a night of holding hands in the grass and staring at the stars. Iím pretty much open to anything, as long as the ďanythingĒ Iím open to doesnít have a closed mind.

This is what I've learned from my past relationships:   I'm the only faithful person left on the planet and girls "change their minds" (IE - lie) a lot. 

If my Totally Juicy Personal Ad sounds good to you, send me an email!  Serious inquiries only, please.

If you want to send in your OWN Totally Juicy Personal Ad (I'm serious about this), email me!  Maybe you'll find a totally Juicy person in YOUR area!  You must list all information I have printed in BLUE.  Also state if you are seeking a friend, a sex-toy, an email pal or a long-term relationship.  Your name, address, email address and anything that would give away your identity will be KEPT SECRET from anyone that you don't want to have seeing it!

I will post anything sent to me once a week!

Back to the Juicy Cerebellum!

Copyright 2000 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, you ain't gettin' any!