101 People that Totally
Lovingly Written by: Alex Sandell

The people who suck: Why they suck:
Racists Because they're ignorant
News Anchors Because they smile too much
Politically correct people Because they're as conservative as the conservatives
Conservatives Because they're just as annoying as the politically correct
Bible-thumpers Because they're hypocrites
Hypocrites Because Jesus didn't like them
People with bigger dicks than me Because I'm jealous
People in love Because I'm jealous
Good looking people Because I'm jealous
Rich people Because they think I'm jealous
Ugly people Because they're too jealous
Pretentious people Because they remind me of my ex-girlfriend
People who cheat Because they remind me of my ex-fiancée
People who smell bad Because they remind me of my ex-dog
Sexists Because they're just pissed they couldn't get laid
Feminists Because they're whiney and full of shit
Jocks Because they have square buttocks
Ass-kissers Because they kiss ass
Teachers Because most of them don't know how to teach
Preachers Because most of them don't know how to preach
Vegetarians Because they make me feel guilty
Meat-eaters Because they make me feel nothing's wrong
People that say they don't masturbate Because they're lying
People that lie Because they don't masturbate
Homophobics Because they're paranoid dorks
Sellouts Because they sold out
People that aren't sellouts Because they will
Politicians Because their opinions are bought
People with opinions Because they have something to sell
Doctors Because they think they know everything
People that think being naked makes them "free" Because it doesn't
People that think naked people are "disgusting" Because they aren't
Me, when I'm naked Because I always feel stupid
Me, when I'm dressed Because I don't feel much better
People that say they don't watch t.v. Because television is your friend
People in hemorrhoid's ads Because they wouldn't know a hemorrhoid if it came up and bit them in the ass
Dentists Because they always say "this shouldn't hurt much"
Tattle-tales Because nobody likes a tattle-tale
Managers Because they're all tattle-tales
People that say "jeez, you need to get laid" Because only a fucking moron would think sex is the answer to all of your ills
People who talk on cellular phones while they're driving Because I'm sure they could wait until they get back to the house
Drunk drivers Because there's a thing called a taxi
Psychiatrists Because they're just overpaid salesmen working for the drug companies
People with no sense of humor Because they take everything personally
People in touch with their inner-child Because they're just soooooo annoying
People in self-help groups Because there's got to be SOMEBODY they could be helping that's more important than them
Spoiled people Because they get everything that they want
abusive parents Because they're lowlife assholes
People that are embarrassed to be with me in public Because they're lowlife assholes
Lowlife assholes Because . . . well, just because
People whose lives are consumed by sex Because there's more important things out there, like The Brady Bunch
People who use tanning beds Because skin cancer bites
Superficial people Because they use tanning beds
Dead people Because they can never think of anything to say
Wrestling fans Because they always want you to watch wrestling with them
Boring people Because they're so boring
Exciting people Because they make you feel boring
People that think it looks cool to wear overalls Because it just doesn't
People that think it looks cool to wear bell-bottoms Because it just doesn't
People that think they'll get laid if they wear bikini briefs Because they just won't
People that don't write back Because it's so rude
People that believe the media Because it is lying
Trendy people Because they're always in style
Trendy people that say they're not trendy Because they're fucking idiots
Fucking idiots Because they're usually trendy
People that stand people up Because they shouldn't of made plans in the first place
People that invite themselves along Because they weren't invited
People who won't make plans Because they can't stick to anything
People with short-tempers Because they might beat somebody up
People who won't tell you what they get paid Because even they don't know why they're not telling
Macho people Because they're full of shit
People who spend every free moment with their significant other Because I have always thought the "love of your life" should add to your life, not become it
People who say "you have to take responsibility for your own life" Because a lot of the time it isn't your fault
Pedophiles Because Michael Jackson went out in the 80s
People that say they like something just because you do Because they don't have a mind of their own
People that don't have a mind of their own Because they always like everything that you do
Rapists Because there just has to be a friendlier way to get laid
Gamblers Because they always want to borrow money
Drug addicts Because they always want to borrow money
People who won't borrow you money Because sometimes I'm broke
People who say "I'll never do it again" and then do it again Because they remind me of my ex-fiancée
People who refuse to debate Because there's so much to argue about
People who are always on a diet Because they never look any skinnier, anyway
Girls I wanna date that are already taken Because I want to date them
People who talk during movies Because the movie's more interesting
People that are offended by dirty words Because dirty words are fucking neat-o, cocksuckers
Censors Because if they don't like something, they can just look away
CEOs Because they're really greedy
People who don't take juicy survey # 2 Because it's fun to take
People who leave the toilet seat down Because it makes it harder for a guy to pee
People who say "I'll get back to ya on that" and then never do Because it leaves you hanging
People that ride your tail Because if you slam on your brakes, it might damage your car
People that don't drive the speed limit Because if they slam on their brakes, it might damage your car
People who give away the end of movies Because it wrecks the entire film
People that think they sound smart calling movies "films" Because it doesn't make you sound smart at all
People who brag about how much they can drink Because, really, it's not much of an accomplishment
Teacher's pets Because they're aware of it
People who don't think women should breast feed in public Because I wanna watch
People who bud in line Because they should wait, like everyone else
People at the front of the line Because they won't let me bud
Telemarketers Need I say more?

©1997 Alex Sandell [all rights reserved]. You know that people who ignore copyrights really suck, don't you?

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