So, what's going on with The Jesus Cerebellum?
An explanation by: Alex Sandell

A lot of you reading this are very likely confused. Some of you may even be upset. I will try my best to explain what is happening to a site that was, until today, referred to as The Juicy Cerebellum.

First, as I have indicated, The Juicy Cerebellum is no more. This is now The Jesus Cerebellum. Within the next month, I plan on having all my old updates removed, the table of brains gone, and the entire page altered to fit the needs of a Born Again Christian.

I know that a lot of my dedicated readers are atheists. This is why it is more important than ever to act immediately. Why preach to the converted? Jesus didn't. Jesus preached to the sinners. He preached to people like me. At least the person I was. That person, that sinner, is dead. Much like The Juicy Cerebellum.

The day after uploading the "Christians Versus Atheists" article onto my page, a man named "Jake" wrote to me. He said that, although my update was misguided, he found it humorous. He went onto explain why he believes Atheists are wrong, and that there really is a Christian God.

Being the doubting, lost person that I was; I merely made some smart-ass comment, and went on with my day. I received another email from Jake a few hours later. An email I took great comfort in reading. He said "just look around you." "Look inside you." He said to look at my epilepsy as proof that there is a God. It is only with a God that disorders such as epilepsy, diabetes, and cerebral-palsy would be tolerable. Without one, they would make life too overwhelming to bear. With a God, one can handle just about anything.

I now think of my epilepsy as the price I am paying for an eternity in Heaven. Jake told me that it may even be something I volunteered for, before I was born. Something to help people believe. If someone like me can have faith, why shouldn't they?

All it took was two emails, and it was like I could see clearly, for the first time in my life. At Jake's request, I did something I hadn't done in over 5 years . . . attended church. It wasn't boring, as I thought it would be. It was spiritual, uplifting. It gave me hope.

I left Mass, and went on with this page, as usual, for the next few weeks. Everyday feeling more and more guilty over what I was doing. Instead of saving souls, I felt I was damning them. Still, I carried on with my blasphemous writings. I thought I could keep up my cynical sense of "humor," even after finding Christ.

I was wrong.

This page has grown as popular as it has for a reason. The Lord wants me to get out his message. He wants people like you; the cynical, jaded, forlorn, to come to him. He wants to save you, as he did me. He wants you to be born again!

So, from here on out, this page is about God. No more vulgarity, no more anger . . . just answers. Sure, there may be a joke from time to time, but my driving force is no longer making people laugh. My driving force is to make people actually see the light.

If you stay with me, and give this page a few more days, before throwing in the towel, I think you may enjoy the teachings that you find. I think that you too may feel a great weight lifted off of your shoulders. Now, when things go wrong, you have someone besides the Republicans to blame.

Before wrapping this article up, there is one final issue that I feel I must address. This one being the most important of them all . . . APRIL FOOLS!

Holy (not literally) shit, man - you had me going there! Send me back to the table of brains

1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]