Things to do in 2002:
Love, Puppies and Genital Warts
Written by:  Alex Sandell

1. Complain

2. Catch up on movies nominated for Academy Awards

3. Complain

4. Write annual update about Academy Awards

5. Complain

6. Ask for Contributions

7. Complain

8. Pay more for my PO Box and website than I receive in contributions

9. Complain

10. Screw some whore I met online and temporarily fell in love with

11. Complain

12. Wonder where newfound genital warts came from

13. Complain

14. Finish my book but refuse to let anybody read it until its published

15. Complain

16. Wonder when publisher will publish book so he can read it

17. Complain

18. Wait in line for 7 hours

19. Complain

20. See new Star Wars' movie

21. Complain

22. Write a review for new Star Wars' movie, see it 5 more times, change mind, write another review, see it on DVD and go back to my original review

23. Complain

24. See Shar-Pei in my "Puppy-A-Day" calendar and cry over Brady

25. Complain

26. Regret that I revealed I had a "Puppy-A-Day" calendar

27. Complain

28. Get a call from some ex I hate that "needs" to talk

29. Complain

30. Get phone number unlisted

31. Complain

32. Wonder why new Matrix sequel isn't out yet.

33. Complain

34. Decide I'm bored with Nintendo Gamecube, sell it on eBay for half of what I paid

35. Complain

36. Buy back Nintendo Gamecube one day when I'm really bored

37. Complain

38. Drink too much and send a hostile email to an elected official

39. Complain

40. Sober up and worry that I'll be arrested

41. Complain

42. Wonder if pot would help my epilepsy

43. Complain

44. Smoke pot, become terrified that I'm dying, and decide against smoking pot again

45. Complain

46. Call ex that I hate that first called me, tell her that I "need" her, give her my new unlisted number

47. Complain

48. Call phone company, tell them that I need my number changed

49. Complain

50. Go see The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, get really bored

51. Complain

52. Write negative review of The Two Towers

53. Complain

54. Get a ton of hostile email from defensive geeks with too much time on their hands

55. Laugh

Here's to a Juicy 2002! 

Be the first to send me feedback for my first update of the year!

2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, I'll hunt you down, complain, sneak up behind you, complain, unzip my pants, complain, and fuck your silly looking girlfriend, goofy looking sister and/or skanky drunken mom!

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