Super Juicy Topless Girl™:
The Next Generation
Written by: Alex Sandell

Late one evening, while reading yet another update at The Juicy Cerebellum, easily-frightened Lois Loon hears an odd sound coming from the corner of her fortress. "I hear an odd sound coming from the corner of my fortress," she thinks to herself, as she looks to see what could be making the horrible racket, "and I wonder why it's snowing inside?!?"

When the sound stops, Lois goes back to reading the update. "Boy, this Juicy Cerebellum thing has me laughing so hard, my brastrap keeps falling off," she thinks, as the sound starts again. Lois begins crying, in terror. "I wish Super Juicy Topless Girl™ was here," she declares.

Suddenly, her monitor flashes an image:

It's the BOOB SIGNAL™! A voice comes out of her computer's speakers. It's mild-mannered Sidney Kent; the original Super Juicy Topless Girl™! "I am here, easily-frightened Lois Loon!" "But, but . . . I don't see you," Lois returns. "You don't need to see me . . . I'm inside you." Suddenly Lois begins wondering if she's in some crazy "lost" episode of the t.v. program, "Ellen". "I don't feel you in me. How can you be here?"

"I'm in every girl, Lois. Every girl that dares take her top off, to fight the evildoers across the galaxy!" "Do I need to take my top off now, Sidney?" Lois asks. "Yes, Lois. It's now or never. You have a far greater enemy to face, than I did in the first Super Juicy Topless Girl™ update. You must face the unholy Tex Luthor!"

"NOT TEX LUTHOR!" Lois screams. "HE'S FROM TEXAS, AND THINKS HE'S A LAWYER!" "He also makes crap up about people, and hits on Juicy Cerebellum readers, that write to him," yells Sidney, "but that's not the point. The point is, he's in your house, and he's got a subpoena!" "It can't be true!" Lois yells back. "It is!" Sidney screams from the computer speakers, "he's about to involve you in a frivolous lawsuit!"

"I can hear him." Lois cries. "He's getting closer, and he smells like Barbecue and alcohol! What should I do?" "Take your bra off, quickly," replies Sidney; "you need to get topless, to thwart his evil. The power of breasts will prevail!"

"Is this good enough, Sidney?!?" Lois hollers. "I'm topless, and doing my best 'sexy' look, but nothing seems to be happening. Tex is just making passes at me. He just called me a 'hunka hunka burnin' love,' and asked me to grab his 'squirting meatloaf'!"

"You're almost there, Lois - you just need a sign!" "A sign?" Lois asks. "Yes!" Sidney replies. "A sign to show Tex Luthor, and all other fake lawyers who harass people for no apparent reason, that you LOVE The Juicy Cerebellum!"

Suddenly, Lois's printer begins printing an odd object. It's a sign! A sign sent from The Juicy Cerebellum, using the magical power of fart. "I do believe in The Juicy Cerebellum, Sidney! Topless chicks, gastronomical jokes, and cheesy dialogue will prevail!"

"That's the spirit! Now turn toward Tex, and show him how much you believe! Show him that you're a Super Juicy Topless Girl™! Show him that you love it!"

Lois does as Sidney asks, and turns the conveniently printed sign toward Tex Luthor, who cowers and runs back into his parents' basement. "You won this time," Tex proclaims, as his dad pulls his ear, and tells him he's grounded, "but I'll be back; and I'll get you for slander, defamation of character, libel, and vaguely concealed threats!" "You have no power over me, Tex," Lois returns, "for I am woman."

"Not only are you woman," Sidney's voice calls out from the computer, "you're Super Juicy Topless Girl™!"

1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. No portion of this may be reproduced, stepped on, or whacked off over, without prior permission, from the author.

Now that you're all pumped up, go read Sidney Kent's battle with Dr. Sizedoesntmatter, in "The Origins of Super Juicy Topless Girl™!"

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