The 2nd Juicy
Cerebellum 99% Accurate HoroscopeThe 2nd Juicy
Cerebellum 99% Accurate Horoscope
I know I amazed you all with my psychic abilities last month, but I'm sure (and by "sure," I do mean sure, I am psychic, remember?) you were asking "can he do it again?" I'm proud to say, with 99% accuracy, "hey, the stars don't lie."
This is the SECOND official Juicy Cerebellum 99% Accurate Horoscope and, following in the footsteps of the first, we're going to give you the truth. How is this done? By calling on the very same amazing powers of observation, determination, and help from the stars (yes, I'm talking about the glowing ones up in the sky, not Mary Tyler Moore in an airplane) used in the first horoscope.
So, read on, and find out what your future holds:
Aquarius (January
20-February 18)
You'll smell something gross, in a public place, and secretly
wonder if it's you.
Pisces (February
19-March 20)
Somebody's conversation will bore you out of your mind, but
you'll pretend to be interested.
Aries (March 21-April
19)
You'll laugh out loud, just because everybody else is.
Taurus (April 20-May
20)
You'll do something stupid and blame it on a chemical-substance.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Out of the clear blue, you'll feel like it's great to be alive!
Then, moments later, you'll realize you were wrong! But, it will
be too late, you already conceived.
Cancer (June 21-July
22)
Jeez, did you ever get stuck with a crappy sign.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
You'll feel so lonely that you just have to call up a friend at 2
a.m.. They won't answer the phone, so you'll get really drunk and
blow your head off.
Virgo (August
23-September 22)
Wait . . . getting strange signals here . . . stars aren't in
alignment. Be afraid, Virgo . . . be very afraid..
Libra (September
23-October 22)
You'll eat a t.v. dinner and actually proclaim "hey, this
isn't bad!" But you'll just be lying.
Scorpio (October
23-November 22)
You'll say something completely inappropriate, and then hope
nobody else heard.
Sagittarius (November
23-December 20)
You'll grin awkwardly when you accidentally bump into one of your
acquaintance's private parts.
Capricorn (December
21-January 19)
Oh, as if, Capricorn, give it up.
And there it is, a rough-outline of the winding roads you're bound to follow within the next month. Remember, I offer personal, over the phone readings, for only $79.95 a second.
If you have any questions and/or comments about your future, please contact me at: alex@juicycerebellum.com
All writing on this page is ©1997 Alex Sandell. Alex Sandell wrote all the writing on this page. If you copy it, he'll know, since he's so psychic, and all.
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