Video Games are Satan
The Rise and Fall of Joseph Lieberman
By:  Alex Sandell, in his best "Dr. Seuss" Mode

Brief introduction:  Joseph Lieberman essentially made his name as a Senator for sounding like Kermit the Frog throwing a fit over the videogame Mortal Kombat.  He then went on, as a supposed "Democrat" to rubberstamp pretty much everything George W. Bush ever wanted a rubber for.  On August 9th, citizens of Connecticut let Lieberman know that a pro-war (a fake, bullshit war) Dem wasn't to their liking and selected Ned Lamont as their Democratic candidate in the primary.  The ignorant, corporate press called this an "upset."  I guess that's fitting, since nearly every Democrat in the country -- Clintons aside -- were upset with Lieberman as a candidate.  Now Joe, not knowing when to call it a day, is going to run as an Independent.  Since all he really cares about is endorsing George W. Bush's horrendous political policies and censoring music and video games, he most likely doesn't have a chance.  The best this dipshit is going to get is a job with mega-nutcase, Jack Thompson (some maniac lawyer accusing basically every video game of causing every single problem the world has ever had).  So I wrote a poem for Mr. Lieberman.  I hope he reads and enjoys it!

My name is Joseph Lieberman,
and Mortal Kombat offends me.
But it's commerce, so I'll shut up,
if you start the ESRB.
If that's not good enough, I won't let you be!

If you get really nasty, I'll send in Hillary!

That's right, you're going to be attacked,
and if you think us Dems are bad,
wait until you hear Sam Brownback.

Tipper went after Prince for saying, "Masturbate,"
and her husband went nuts over what Twisted Sister refused to take.
And Bill went after The Matrix, due to Columbine.
When Janet showed her nip, the racists in the Senate screamed,
"Give that negro a fine!"

There's never enough books to burn or CDs to ban,
forget the fact that during our youth, we weren't censors, but rather fans.
Now we have kids to think about
and as lawmakers we have a ton of clout.
Have you watched one of our hearings?
Good god can we ever shout!

That violence, oh that violence, in video games!
It's the one and only cause of murder, which is a real shame.
If they would have stuck with Frogger, the world would still be tame.
And only our soldiers in Iraq would be getting fragged.

But now it's First Person Shooters and Grand Theft Auto.
"The more blood the better" seems to be the motto.
"Hot Coffee?"  What's this?  Now they're sneaking in softcore sex?
If we allow it, think what will be next!
A world with faggots indulging in anal sex?
Women breast-feeding in restaurants,
thinking they're the next Janet, just because they're moms?
Everyone knows breast-feeding is as wrong
as Dick Cheney's daughter using a strap-on dong.

Suddenly, Twisted Sister seems tame,
when compared to homos, mothers, and video games.
There's no room for Doom and its pentagrams,
those who play it are surely damned!
But first they'll shoot up an entire school,
wearing long trench coats -- the game has made them sick,
along with Eminem songs and The Matrix!

But something went wrong, I'm not sure what it is,
I just got fucked in my reelection bid.
Hillary isn't talking to me, and she's pretending to be a real Democrat.
Doesn't matter, did I say that her ass looks really fat?
I fought the good fight, like so many do --
Preventing controversial art from ever reaching you.

"Joe-mentum" won't be slowed down,
like a runaway train, I'll still be around.
And I'll make sure you know just what you're doing wrong.
Like I did when I took away Mary Cheney's dong.
Yes, I licked it, but it didn't last for long. 
The smell of her girlfriend certainly turned me on.

This was sinful, this wasn't right.
It's kept me up, night after night.
The wife asks me if she could grab me a glass of warm milk,
but all I can think of is Janet's tit, smooth and soft as silk.
Then the vanilla wife asks me if I could use a bite,
and I can only think of fragging my friends online throughout the night.

Suddenly I realize that I'm as human as the next guy,
and that's why I censored and fought and cried.
If it's out there, it sucks me in,
and the last thing I want is to meet the Lord and be told that I have sinned.

That said, could you excuse me?
I need to put in a new disc by Marilyn Manson. 

I listen and imagine someone performing a job on my rim.
If I get my way, it would be Hillary Clinton. 
Bill doesn't deserve her, but I can't deny that I wouldn't mind doing him.
Oh my God!  Is this Washington's Brokeback Mountain?
Look what they've done to me!  Video games are Satan.
And I'm just yesterday's political star,
the once powerful Joseph Lieberman.
Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a job playing nutjob to Jack Thompson.

Send me some feedback, bitches!

2006 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].   If you copy this, without my permission, I'll stick Joe's "mentum" on you.  Trust me, it isn't pleasant.

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