Men are from Mars, Women are Assholes:
Man Versus Woman
Written by:  Alex Sandell

MAN:

Has too much to drink, makes love to woman, is having sex

WOMAN:

Has too much to drink, makes love to man, is being raped.

MAN:

Is unemployed loser.

WOMAN:

Is honorable housewife.

MAN:

Is laughed at if he has an orgasm in less than 20 minutes.

WOMAN:

Expects man to keep "rubbing it" even if it "takes all night."

MAN:

Isn't in the mood for sex, has a "problem."

WOMAN:

Isn't in the mood for sex, has a headache, man has to go out and buy woman a bottle of Ibuprofen and bouquet of roses.

MAN:

Lets woman come back out of the goodness of his own heart.

WOMAN:

Lets man come back out of the emptiness of her own wallet.

MAN:

Kills his nine-month-old, it's considered murder.

WOMAN:

Kills her nine-month-old, it's considered "freedom of choice."

MAN:

Becomes father, is expected to go back to work to be a provider.

WOMAN:

Becomes mother, is expected to take off work to be a parent.

MAN:

Is ignored when he is "ready."

WOMAN:

Isn't "ready" until she's sure man has grown bored.

MAN:

Has to register for the draft.

WOMAN:

Sues man for giving her too much draft beer.

MAN:

Is expected to be physically fit, do the hard-labor, and give his life for his country when it is needed.

WOMAN:

Is expected to whine about how things aren't "equal" until she's getting paid as much as man for doing far less, and how things aren't fair unless man is doing tons more.

MAN:

Is honest, is considered a "sexist."

WOMAN:

Is full of shit, is considered a "feminist."

MAN:

"Got lucky."

WOMAN:

"Got screwed."

MAN:

Gets to pay child support.

WOMAN:

Gets to keep the kid.

MAN:

Got what's coming to him.

WOMAN:

Got abused.

MAN:

Did basically everything that was ever important.

WOMAN:

Bitched and moaned the entire time and took credit for man.

Send me your hatemail.  See if I care.

OTHER "VERSUS" UPDATES:

Yoko VS. Courtney

Rich VS. Poor

Beautiful VS. Ugly

2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  I'm a man, therefore, I can kick your ass!  I wouldn't copy this, biiitch!

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