How and when GILLIGAN'S ISLAND may be entered
As stated previously, Momentum of Gilligan day occurs on February 14th, 2003. On this day, all worthy followers of Gilligan will board a small cruise ship, rented by Me (the Lord) for a three-hour tour. When the weather starts getting rough, the tiny ship will be tossed, and without the courage of Me (your savior), your soul would be lost.
Instead of losing your soul, you (along with myself, and the other members of Gilligan's Gate) will drive our little boat to the heart of the storm (I will not reveal the ocean we will be in, until Momentum of Gilligan day actually occurs, in fear of nonbelievers stopping us from completing our mission), and into the center of The Gilligan Triangle, where we will proceed to jump off of the S.S. Messiah. That last sentence was really long, and should have been chopped into two, or possibly three sentences, but hey - I'm GOD, what are ya gonna do about it?
Once jumping off the Messiah, we will all fly into a large vortex, made out of saltwater and Frosted Lucky Charms. Immediately prior to entering the vortex, each individual member of Gilligan's Gate must yell "she sells sea shells by the sea shore," without a single mistake. Any mistake will damn the guilty cult member to an eternity of working at McDonald's, starting at minimum wage, and gradually working their way up to $8.48 an hour. No benefits will be given, but the damned will receive a 50% discount on meals, plus paid training!
The members that make it through the vortex will immediately land on an uncharted desert isle, where they will be greeted by the Skipper and Mr. Howell, who will then guide them to the center of the Island, where they will be introduced to Gilligan. Once on the Island, each individual will lose any and all common sense, and will sit around eating coconuts, while listening to a transistor radio that has a never-ending battery supply. I, on the other hand, will spend hour after heavenly hour making passionate love to Ginger and Mary-Anne while forgiving Gilligan's sins.
This is all the information that needs to be divulged at this time. If you have any questions, you can write to God at email@example.com. Be ready, all those who are faithful, 2003 is right around the corner, and Gilligan's Island is waiting!
All written material ©1997 God (or Alex Sandell, which is the name my mortal shell was given) [All Rights Reserved]. Copying this, without permission from God would be grounds for eternal damnation.