Back on the job.
Written by: Alex Sandell
I started working again on Monday. Not just working for myself by selling CDs, fixing computers, or whacking off in a porno theater, for horny bystanders. I started working a job. With a boss (who, I guess, in his own right, could be considered a "horny bystander").
Why? Because my monthly income isn't even adding up to a 10th of what I owe in medical payments, and the bills from the clinic are piling up to the ceiling. So, I had to put my updates on the shelf, and start working. Turn my brain off, and begin raking leaves.
Yep. I'm now basically nature's janitor. Raking, mowing, or whatever else self-absorbed rich people "need" me to do with their yard. I drive from house to house with some grumpy middle-aged guy and pick up junk for 10 hours a day. I get paid an amazing $6.00 an hour, with no benefits. I've sold my soul for $270.00.
You wouldn't believe the feeling of degradation you get, cleaning up your enemies' yard. Pushing an outdated mower across these gigantic lawns. Walking past their backyard tennis courts, and swimming pools.
Looking at the upper-class who are busy looking down at you from their million-dollar mansions. Getting screamed at by your "employer" who didn't know what the word "arduous" meant, and is now holding a grudge. Day in and day out, doing the same mindless crap. Millions of lost articles that I could have written getting dumped in the trash, along with fallen leaves.
Today my "boss" pointed at three bags, which were full of leaves that I had raked up. "Put that in the garbage can," he said. I looked, and saw a small garbage container that may, if I was lucky, allow me to stuff one bag inside. I held onto my rake for dear life and began to speak. "Put what in the can?" I asked. "That," he returned. "Um . . .," I said, "you're actually pointing at three separate things." This enraged my not-quite-literate "boss." "IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT I'M POINTING AT! PUT IT IN THE TRASH." Finally, I just threw the rake I was holding into the garbage can, and walked away.
"We're not done yet!" the "boss" screamed. "I am," I returned. I didn't turn back, but I sure hope those rich people were looking at me through the window as I gave them the finger.
If you like your sites Juicy, don't forget to read the "endnote," immediately following the copyright. Thanks.
©1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved] If you use this article, without permission, you'll automatically be hired as my replacement!
ENDNOTE: Thanks to my fun "6 AM, every morning" job, this is my first update in three or four days. Now that I've "retired" from raking leaves, I have the next couple days booked up with job interviews, and "application-taking." One way or the other, I will be working full-time by the middle of next week. What does that mean? It means The Juicy Cerebellum will basically wither and die, unless the people that read it (or plan on reading it) on a regular basis can send in a few bucks.
I realize some of you are broke, and can't send anything, but where is the money from the girl who swore "on Kurt Cobain's ashes" that she was sending it? Where's the guy that said he makes a really good living, and thinks my page is worth "at least" $1,000.00, and I'll be getting "at least" that much in the mail? How about the Canadian that had to get her funds transferred, and would send me "a couple hundred?" What about the 200,000 plus visitors that have hit this page? Most importantly, what ever happened with the (minimum of) 3,000 people that have written saying that they enjoy "nothing" more than my daily/semi-daily updates?
Where do all of you guys go, when someone asks for help? Last time I said "send what you can," I reminded people that if they just skipped ONE movie, and the dinner afterward, they could send $15.00. I brought up pawning off a few lame CDs, and sending that money. Cashing your spare change. You'll never use it, anyway. I also said the only reason I'm asking is because I don't want to start a paysite where I force anyone that likes The Juicy Cerebellum to pay some stupid fee.
That's what I said, last time. This time, here's what I have to say: I write updates for this page at least every three days. Usually every one or two. You get to read them for free. Most of you tell me you "love" them. If you love a movie, you have no problem sending off another $8.50 to Jim Carrey, the multi-million dollar man. Yet, you can't spare another ten bucks for someone that's virtually broke?
Every two or three days you read updates at this page. Isn't that worth anything to you? Would you choose having this whole page go down, rather than putting ten dollars in the mail? I'm not asking for donations. I'm asking for contributions.
I will keep writing updates, as often as possible, and I won't lower myself to making this place a paysite, even if I'm ten-million dollars in debt. I will trust that those of you who like your Cerebellum Juicy will contribute.
Why don't I want to make this a paysite? Paysites are a scam. I've always believed in the "honor system." Hopefully I can prove, in practice, that people are trustworthy, and this system can work. How? Just send what you're able to. I don't want more than you can spare. I definitely don't want less. What have the last 15 months of articles on this page been worth to you? Can you spare that? Send it. That's the honor system. Beats the shit out of a big sign popping up saying "enter your password. If you don't have a password, please enter your credit card information."
My dream of working on this page 8 hours a day (as I've been doing the past year), and making a living off of being self-employed have all but died. If you enjoy The Juicy Cerebellum, this isn't unrelated to you. I will now have to work more, and write less. When that happens, as I've said, the updates will come, but they will be fewer and father between.
Emails, on the other hand, will stop coming. Being that, with a full-time job, I absolutely do not have enough hours in the day to respond to every email I receive, as I have been doing, I am only going to respond to those of you that have sent me money, those of you I know are just as broke as me and can't send me money, and those of you I know are going to send me money, to help keep this page online.
Don't be your parents. Send anything that you can, to:
P.O. Box 331
Alexandria, MN 56308
Please do not send me all your little petty bullshit "I'd rather keep taking your HTML handouts, without contributing" ideas such as "get some banners, they'll make you money." Why? Because they don't.
Thanks to everyone that has contributed. I've added four more people, over the last couple of months, so it would be cool if you'd go check out the neat-o list of people that actually give a damn about keeping this site in . . . uh . . . "on"line!
Back to the table of brains 1998
Back to the mind-map.